I suppose it has been awhile since I have discussed the goings on of my open marriage.
As I wrote about yesterday, TC and I are no more. At least for now. I really don’t know what the future will bring. So far, we have remained friends and even talked about normal life things yesterday. I am glad we are able to remain friends. At least for the time being.
You may have noticed I do not talk about Matt any more. That’s because there is nothing to talk about. After the first of December, he went silent. After having given him 3 opportunities prior to see me again, all of which he had an excuse not to, I finally took the hint. His silence was met with my own. It did come as a surprise though when I received a text from him at the beginning of this new year. Turns out, he’s had a lot of personal stuff going on which somewhat explains his silence with me. In any case, there’s been no talks to actually see each other again, and I am honestly ok with that. As much as I like him, and we had a nice time together, there was no passionate spark. He and I have only texted a few times since the new year. I think we are now just going to be casual friends.
I have a date tonight. It’s with a man who is married and also polyamorous. He is not local. In fact, he comes from the states. He is currently visiting this country because of work, and I will be seeing him tonight for a date. Depending on how the date goes, it could be more than just a dinner date. He contacted me a few weeks ago through OKC, looking to see if I’d be interested in meeting him during his very brief stay in my country. After reading his profile, I really couldn’t resist getting to know him better. We exchanged a few emails and that was enough for me to agree to a dinner date. It’s odd, because he doesn’t seem to be much of an emailer. I suppose it makes a little sense that he doesn’t want to know everything about me before meeting me or we’ll run out of things to talk about. I am looking forward to talking more in depth about the things we discussed over email, mostly to do about polyamory and our experiences. The old me would have blown him off for his lack of communication, but I’m cutting this guy some slack. I really like what he has had to say and I feel like we have a lot in common. I don’t expect this to go very far. Like I said, he’s from the states. There are many timezones and miles between us. I’m just going to take the evening for what it is, a nice evening out with a man that I may or may not find myself intimate with at the end of the evening. Beyond that, I will hold no expectations.
If you’re wondering where my husband is in all of this, you may have noticed he chooses to keep quiet about his interactions. He does have his own interactions and does enjoy the company of other women from time to time even if we aren’t writing/talking about it. I am very thankful to have him in my life. I can count on him when things go sour for me. Which, they seem to always go sour for me. *sigh*
With the recent debacle with TC, I am wondering if I should just steer clear of monogamous people altogether, regardless if they are single when I am involved with them. Even if it’s just friendship and sex, I can still get hurt. Things can still go bad with secrets and lies involved. But then, polyamorous people are no guarantee that things will be any better. I’ve not had much more luck in that area either. At least there seems to be a basic understanding if we are both polyamorous.
Back to the drawing board once again. I await my next adventure.
© At Longings End
Do you not think that the basic problem with polyamory is that you are never going to be first with another person other than your husband? So any other relationship should remain casual? And not to invest too much emotion? It interests me a lot and I’m sorry your TC affair came to a sad end. Many men get so wrapped up in themselves sometimes they don’t seem to realise that they are hurting someone simply by their lack of contact. WE know that it would take very little to drop a quick tweet or text or email to just explain why they are not available right now, but it seems not to even occur to them! Hope you enjoyed your night out!
No, I do not think there is a basic problem with polyamory. I don’t think there is a problem with polyamory. This is a topic of a lot of debate amongst the polyamory community. Many believe there should not be any primary and secondary relationships. Many believe we should all be treated equally. I don’t hold this belief, because all people come into my life under different circumstances and bring with them different things. I don’t believe I can never come first to another person other than my husband. It is still possible. However, I don’t require that to be happy. All I ask is that I matter to someone and that they treat me as such. I don’t have to be their number one, but I still need to be treated with respect and importance. Those who can invest more time and commitment with me, will get the same in return from me. Those who make themselves known as casual affairs will also be treated as such. What’s difficult is the ones that make you believe that you matter, only to turn around and treat you differently in the end.
Sounds like life is in reasonably good flow, all ups and downs considered. How was your date?
I’m also curious: if you were to start seeing a monogamous but single person, in full knowledge that it could only be very casual, and that it could end at any moment, and really held that knowledge close, would it still hurt as much when it ended? I’m just curious, because I know people can react very different to this kind of thing.
The date went very well.
No it wouldn’t hurt as much. I actually went into this knowing that TC and I could end at any moment. I made mention of this in one of the first posts I wrote about once I started to see TC. Knowing that at any moment, it could end and I just need to enjoy the here and now. It wasn’t that he got a girlfriend that hurt me, it was all the other things that did. He chose not to tell me. There’s also a lot I didn’t write about, but he wasn’t treating me very well either. Those were the things that hurt me. He turned into someone I didn’t know he was and that person didn’t treat me very well.
If I know what a situation will be when I get into it, I can handle it generally well. Would I still get sad when things end? Of course, but I won’t get hurt. Just sad that it is over.
[...] I had mentioned in my last post, I had a date with a new man. He is married and poly, but lives in the states. He was in my country [...]