As you can gather, my wonderful affair with TC, has come to an end. Getting to this conclusion has been a bumpy, emotional road that in the end, had me in knots. What happened? TC acquired a girlfriend around New Years. What didn’t happen? He didn’t tell me. So as I made my plans to go to London for Eroticon in March, I made them including him in them. I was staying a full extra day, just so he and I could spend a whole day and night together. Unbeknownst to him, I had a company send me a pair of nipple clamps for review, with the intention to use with him. Even as I was making plans and then booked my tickets and hotel room accordingly, the news of him having a girlfriend never came out. Until a little over a week ago.
That’s pretty much when things came tumbling down. I was upset with him for having kept this information from me, even as I booked my tickets. He was upset with me for even saying I would have not made these arrangements in the first place, had I known. I left it up to him to decide whether or not he still wanted to see me. I’m not going to judge someone if they want to step out on their partner, but as time grew into a week, and four of those days he never said one word to me, I finally reached my breaking point and made the decision for both of us. No, we will not be seeing each other in March.
I’m not thrilled about this decision. Yes, it is the right one, morally. It is the right one for me. I found myself unable to sleep at nights. I was awake the other morning at 5 and I was thinking about this. This situation began eating me up. I started to hate myself. I started feeling ashamed at myself and like I was disrespecting myself. I couldn’t go on. So I had to put a stop to things.
I’m torn. I really am. I REALLY REALLY want to see him. I do. I’m not going to lie. I love fucking this man. We have awesome chemistry together and when I think about the sex we have had, fuck, I just want more of that x 100. But I had to put a stop to this emotional pit I was in. I had to stop things from turning so sour, we could never be friends again. I don’t want that. I want us to remain as friends and who knows, one day, he may find himself single again and we can pick up where we left off? Or maybe, this girl will be “the one”, and he’ll be thankful he didn’t walk down that unfaithful line at the beginning?
So I guess, as far as seeing TC goes, things are, at the very least, at a pause, if not permanently over. At least, maybe now, I can sleep at night.
© At Longings End