give me flesh

So, while having a conversation with my husband last night, I think I had a realization. First, let me back this up and give an example of what my realization is. 

When I met C via the internet, we did a lot of interacting through texts. We didn’t actually meet in person till at least a month after we “met” online. He was my Master and I his slave. To prepare me for our physical sessions, and also as a way to get to know each other as Master and slave, he would send me tasks to complete. These I happily did to the best of my ability. I found them all arousing and fun to do. Then, C and I met in person and our interactions were pure magic. Each time we met in person, our connection and actions became more intense. Suddenly, we came to the mutual agreement that sending me tasks to do on days that we were not together, just weren’t enough anymore. Asking me to belt myself for him, just was silly when there was so much more that can be accomplished in person. So the tasks stopped, with him realizing he would have to “up the game” a bit and focus on mindfucks more than physical tasks. We never got there unfortunately. 

So, here’s the information to walk away from this little example. Interacting in the digital realm just wasn’t as arousing anymore as the “real thing”. 

This, I find, can be applied to almost anything these days. I think I am finally moving on. Let me explain. 

I have been active on the internet socially now for about 5 years. Meaning, I have been blogging and interacting with people and now add to that, twitter. In the beginning, I flirted a lot with other people and found this quite arousing and fun. Then, as time passed, I found my tastes to become specific. These days, I still enjoy a good flirtation. 

When I met someone I liked, it was not uncommon for me to cyber or sext with them. After all, this was usually the only way we could have “sex” with each other. I found this extremely arousing. I enjoyed doing it with certain individuals I clicked with, not everyone. Sometimes, I’d take pictures for someone, or record a video for them . Videos were rare though. Even rarer would be the use of Skype. The person I have used Skype for sexy fun the most, has been my husband. He and I have used it together for sexy fun with someone else a few times. But, I think on my own, I can easily say I have only used Skype for sexy fun with maybe 2 or 3 people total. 

Since opening up our relationship, I now have the opportunity to meet people in the flesh. I have not really taken advantage of this very much. Mostly because I am so damn picky. Mostly also, because the only people I have been interested in seeing have been dominant men. It’s the only thing missing from my life. It’s my submissive side that is yearning to be fulfilled. This could very well be why I have not desired to seek out new lovers of the non dominant male type. My misguided attitude has been, I do not need a better lover, I am quite satisfied by the one I have married. But I suppose I am missing the point. It’s about being able to experience different lovers for the fun of it, not because they could satisfy me better or not. This is why I am trying to “loosen” up in 2012. I need to shed this desire to have a connection with someone and a “relationship” with someone and just have some fun. Sure, I still need to like someone a whole lot in order to sleep with them, but I’m not going to be so finicky about things. 

There’s a point to this post, I swear. 

I’m growing out of lust with the sexting, cybering and sex video chats. *GASP* I think mostly because the in-person interaction is so much more exciting. Sure, there are moments and days where I am in the mood and I have fun with it, but I think in general, it doesn’t really do it for me anymore. There are exceptions, of course. There are always individuals that break through that and grab my interest and have my attention. Admittedly, these individuals tend to be dominant men, because, remember, it’s my submissive side that screams for stimulation. But in general, sexting and cybering rarely does it for me any more. I think I have grown out of it. I think I am moving on. The novelty may have finally worn off after 5 years. 

Using Skype to have some sexy fun, runs hot and cold for me as well. Granted, I don’t have much experience with this. I have kept myself pretty picky about who sees me “live”. I enjoy using Skype as a way to talk to someone face to face over many miles and to get to know each other. This I like very much. I have found myself getting wrapped up in conversations for hours at a time. And, being someone who has moved internationally from all my friends, Skype is absolutely wonderful to stay in touch. However, when it comes to speaking with “sexy friends”, I find that I’m not getting much out of playing with myself for them. It’s not that I don’t enjoy it. I mean, if I’m playing with myself and giving myself an orgasm, that still feels really good, but if you gave me a choice between doing that or not, I’d most likely prefer not. I feel silly sometimes stripping naked and putting on a show. It just doesn’t arouse me. Which is odd, because it sure as hell arouses the other person watching me. So why am I not simply turned on because what I am doing is arousing the fuck out of the other person?!?

I guess simply put, it’s because we are not in the same room. There isn’t an interaction. Some would say, well, maybe it’s just the person you are talking to? Maybe you aren’t really into them? I have to disagree. If that person wanted to spend a night in the hotel with me, I would say yes without hesitation. I’m thinking of specific people here. I know we would have lots of fun in the hotel room together, but for whatever reason, sexting, cybering or having sexy fun via video chat, just doesn’t seem to do it for me anymore. Ok, to say it just doesn’t do it for me anymore would be a lie, because like I said, I still get into “moods”, but the majority of the time, I could take it or leave it. 

I guess the novelty is finally wearing off. I’m moving on and now interactions of the flesh excite me much more … 

© At Longings End