never

I will never … 

Know what it’s like to wear his collar. To feel the cool leather pressed against my neck. Feeling the leather tighten against my skin as he buckles it in. Would he lock it into place?

Know what it’s like to spend more than a few hours at a time with him. 

Know what it’s like to fall asleep in his arms and wake up with him beside me. 

Know what it’s like to spend several days and several nights with him. Just he and I and his dominance and my submission. Locked away from the world. Only we exist. 

What it’s like to sit at our spot together. We have never been there together, but on days I felt out of sorts, I went there to think of he and I and always felt better after. I called it our spot in the hopes we would sit there together one day.  

Hold the stuffed animal he said he picked out for me. A fluffy, huggable companion for me to hold during the times we were not together. He said he had a special one picked out just for me. It had a story and when I gave him a look of curiosity, he told me in time I’d understand, once I saw the stuffed animal. 

Know what it’s like to have fresh new marks painted on my body with each rising sun. 

Know what it feels like to bleed for him. 

See the inside of his dungeon. 

Hear him tell me I am a “good girl”, see his mischievous smile, watch that look in his eye appear when he triggers his dominant side, feel my heart melt as he looks upon me with pure admiration, feel his hands on my body, feel each strike he delivers, or be held in his arms ever again. 

Know what it is like being his anal slut. Though it was he who trained me and trained me very well to accept his cock into my ass with much pleasure, our time together was too short to truly experience this for more than just a few times. 

Know if he would ever push me to my limits and beyond. Would I ever have to use my safe word?

Know what it’s like to simply be his pet. 

Feel his lips pressed against mine ever again. 

I will never forget. 

© At Longings End