my submission

The following is based on my experiences and my opinions. My submission is neither the right way or the wrong way, it is merely MY way. 

The beautiful thing about the BDSM, D/s, Kink, whatever you want to call it, world, is that it is different for everyone. Everyone enjoys different things and everyone is fulfilled by it in different ways. Some people accept this, embrace this and honor and respect it. Others will treat D/s like a religion and tell you it shall be done one way and one way only, or you aren’t really doing it the “right” way. These are usually the people who really have no clue, but that’s a different post. 

A phrase that always irks me is, “true submission” or “true submissive”. For example, “if you were a true submissive, you wouldn’t be acting this way” or “a true submissive is ….” or finally, “in order to find true submission…” Cut the crap, ok? Being a submissive and defining your submission is different for everyone. A person can find their own true submission. I am on a journey to define my true submissive self, but just because I do things differently or you do things differently, doesn’t mean we are not both submissive. And it certainly doesn’t mean I am better than you as a submissive, or you better than me.

I always get annoyed when I see dominants say that a submissive is not a true submissive because she doesn’t do a, b or c. D/s relationships are just like any other relationship out there. They require compatibility. Just like in “normal” relationships, D/s relationships are composed of 2 people (for the sake of this argument I am keeping it simple at 2 people), and those 2 people need to be compatible. Submissive women, just like “regular” women, come with different ideas, needs, and desires. And you know what submissives? Dominant men come with their own needs, ideas and desires just like “regular” men do. It just boils down to the right people getting together. There is no magic cookie cutter dominant out there that fits the mold for every submissive and there is no “true” submissive out there to serve a dominant. It’s all about chemistry and compatibility. 

There are many aspects to my submission. Some would say there is romanticism to my submission. For, along with the twisted dark side of my desires, I also desire the kind and caring hand  and the love that develops between two people so fully entwined in such a powerful relationship. Power exchange is just that… powerful. 

Yes, I am a masochist. I do derive pleasure from pain. I do desire to have my body marked by hand or implement. I like it when my Master comes over and he has these elaborate sessions with me. I love being flogged, spanked, whipped and so forth. 

But for me, my submission isn’t based on the amount of pain I can take. I’m not trying to reach a goal of how bruised my ass can get or if I can sit down the next day. To be honest, anyone can pick up a paddle and spank a bottom with just a little guidance. No, for me, my true submission comes from within the mind. It’s in the mind games and mind fucks that come with D/s that truly moves me. If you can’t reach the very center of my mind, you can’t be my dominant. You have to be able to penetrate the very dark center of my core in order to even penetrate my body physically. 

It isn’t about stretching me to my physical limit and seeing if I can take 5 more swats to the breast with the dressage whip ( though yes, I challenge myself all the time by not uttering the safe word). It’s about stretching the limits of my mind. It’s about making me desire and do things that I never thought I’d ever want to do. 

For example, piss play, also known as water sports. Two years ago, I said it was disgusting and not something I would ever do. However, since meeting MasterC, things have changed. Not because MasterC desired piss play. Oh no. In fact he had never done it before and would have probably been fine had we never given it a try. But the power of our union as dominant and submissive changed these things for the both of us. Our minds were open to the possibilities of so much more. 

This is ultimately what makes me purr in my submission. My union with Master has opened the floodgates for the both of us. He is free to have these dark, twisted fantasies, but above that, he can share them with me. When he does share them with me, I welcome them with open arms and purring cunt. I have fantasies of my own and I share these with him. I am not afraid at how dark or twisted they may be, because I know they will never be too much for him. What really makes me excited is knowing that Master may very well, make all my twisted fantasies come true. 

I never thought I would desire to be locked in a cage in a basement and be treated like an animal. To be used by my Master for his pleasure. To serve him as he wishes and then be put back into my cage when he is finished, not knowing when I will see him again. 

It’s all part of my yin yang really. The world sees me and I am an educated and independent woman. But the other half of me wants to lose all control and submit to the darkest, dirtiest desires of another. There’s the world I have to live in and the world I fantasize living in. 

I find that I generally don’t do well when immersed in a “kink community”, such as, a local dungeon and kink club. It works for many and that’s great for them. The only reason I like dungeons, is for their play space and the equipment available, but I do not wish to join a “club”. I find the people can be very one-sided on their views of D/s, which really is the basis to how a club can be formed, you all share the same views and I find the drama to be very high. Dominants compete to out shine each other and the submissives become the game pieces, prizes and status symbols. Lord help you if you are the new submissive, the dominants circle you like vultures! This is also why I don’t spend time on Fetlife either. I’m just not “into” the community. 

As far as my choice of dominant goes, I’m not into the leather fetish wear or kilts. I prefer my dominant in his suit, like Master is when I see him. I love being completely nude while MasterC wears his suit. There is something absolutely erotic about having him command and “work” me while he still remains dressed and professional. I prefer my dominant to be quietly dominant. His face, once kind, erupting into that look of pure dominance. MasterC has this look. It’s in his eyes. It’s the way he looks at me and I know that I belong to him. A dominant that walks around proving himself as dominant with the big machismo ego, well… he’s not very dominant is he? 

My submission is a gift. (This happens to be a phrase of controversy among the kink community.) You see, my submission IS a gift. It’s a gift I have given to myself. It’s one I cherish and nurture and sometimes, I’ll choose to share it with another. But it’s always mine, you see, it’s always my gift to hold onto, until the day I don’t need it anymore.

© At Longings End