my submission

The following is based on my experiences and my opinions. My submission is neither the right way or the wrong way, it is merely MY way. 

The beautiful thing about the BDSM, D/s, Kink, whatever you want to call it, world, is that it is different for everyone. Everyone enjoys different things and everyone is fulfilled by it in different ways. Some people accept this, embrace this and honor and respect it. Others will treat D/s like a religion and tell you it shall be done one way and one way only, or you aren’t really doing it the “right” way. These are usually the people who really have no clue, but that’s a different post. 

A phrase that always irks me is, “true submission” or “true submissive”. For example, “if you were a true submissive, you wouldn’t be acting this way” or “a true submissive is ….” or finally, “in order to find true submission…” Cut the crap, ok? Being a submissive and defining your submission is different for everyone. A person can find their own true submission. I am on a journey to define my true submissive self, but just because I do things differently or you do things differently, doesn’t mean we are not both submissive. And it certainly doesn’t mean I am better than you as a submissive, or you better than me.

I always get annoyed when I see dominants say that a submissive is not a true submissive because she doesn’t do a, b or c. D/s relationships are just like any other relationship out there. They require compatibility. Just like in “normal” relationships, D/s relationships are composed of 2 people (for the sake of this argument I am keeping it simple at 2 people), and those 2 people need to be compatible. Submissive women, just like “regular” women, come with different ideas, needs, and desires. And you know what submissives? Dominant men come with their own needs, ideas and desires just like “regular” men do. It just boils down to the right people getting together. There is no magic cookie cutter dominant out there that fits the mold for every submissive and there is no “true” submissive out there to serve a dominant. It’s all about chemistry and compatibility. 

There are many aspects to my submission. Some would say there is romanticism to my submission. For, along with the twisted dark side of my desires, I also desire the kind and caring hand  and the love that develops between two people so fully entwined in such a powerful relationship. Power exchange is just that… powerful. 

Yes, I am a masochist. I do derive pleasure from pain. I do desire to have my body marked by hand or implement. I like it when my Master comes over and he has these elaborate sessions with me. I love being flogged, spanked, whipped and so forth. 

But for me, my submission isn’t based on the amount of pain I can take. I’m not trying to reach a goal of how bruised my ass can get or if I can sit down the next day. To be honest, anyone can pick up a paddle and spank a bottom with just a little guidance. No, for me, my true submission comes from within the mind. It’s in the mind games and mind fucks that come with D/s that truly moves me. If you can’t reach the very center of my mind, you can’t be my dominant. You have to be able to penetrate the very dark center of my core in order to even penetrate my body physically. 

It isn’t about stretching me to my physical limit and seeing if I can take 5 more swats to the breast with the dressage whip ( though yes, I challenge myself all the time by not uttering the safe word). It’s about stretching the limits of my mind. It’s about making me desire and do things that I never thought I’d ever want to do. 

For example, piss play, also known as water sports. Two years ago, I said it was disgusting and not something I would ever do. However, since meeting MasterC, things have changed. Not because MasterC desired piss play. Oh no. In fact he had never done it before and would have probably been fine had we never given it a try. But the power of our union as dominant and submissive changed these things for the both of us. Our minds were open to the possibilities of so much more. 

This is ultimately what makes me purr in my submission. My union with Master has opened the floodgates for the both of us. He is free to have these dark, twisted fantasies, but above that, he can share them with me. When he does share them with me, I welcome them with open arms and purring cunt. I have fantasies of my own and I share these with him. I am not afraid at how dark or twisted they may be, because I know they will never be too much for him. What really makes me excited is knowing that Master may very well, make all my twisted fantasies come true. 

I never thought I would desire to be locked in a cage in a basement and be treated like an animal. To be used by my Master for his pleasure. To serve him as he wishes and then be put back into my cage when he is finished, not knowing when I will see him again. 

It’s all part of my yin yang really. The world sees me and I am an educated and independent woman. But the other half of me wants to lose all control and submit to the darkest, dirtiest desires of another. There’s the world I have to live in and the world I fantasize living in. 

I find that I generally don’t do well when immersed in a “kink community”, such as, a local dungeon and kink club. It works for many and that’s great for them. The only reason I like dungeons, is for their play space and the equipment available, but I do not wish to join a “club”. I find the people can be very one-sided on their views of D/s, which really is the basis to how a club can be formed, you all share the same views and I find the drama to be very high. Dominants compete to out shine each other and the submissives become the game pieces, prizes and status symbols. Lord help you if you are the new submissive, the dominants circle you like vultures! This is also why I don’t spend time on Fetlife either. I’m just not “into” the community. 

As far as my choice of dominant goes, I’m not into the leather fetish wear or kilts. I prefer my dominant in his suit, like Master is when I see him. I love being completely nude while MasterC wears his suit. There is something absolutely erotic about having him command and “work” me while he still remains dressed and professional. I prefer my dominant to be quietly dominant. His face, once kind, erupting into that look of pure dominance. MasterC has this look. It’s in his eyes. It’s the way he looks at me and I know that I belong to him. A dominant that walks around proving himself as dominant with the big machismo ego, well… he’s not very dominant is he? 

My submission is a gift. (This happens to be a phrase of controversy among the kink community.) You see, my submission IS a gift. It’s a gift I have given to myself. It’s one I cherish and nurture and sometimes, I’ll choose to share it with another. But it’s always mine, you see, it’s always my gift to hold onto, until the day I don’t need it anymore.

© At Longings End  

 

 

 

 

yin yang

I’ve been talking to MasterC today, I mean really, finally getting to exchange messages. This gets my wheels turning and thoughts start humming through my mind. The flood gates to my darkest fantasies are beginning to open again. I’m like an animal, rescued from near death, rehabilitated and now able to run free again. I hesitate at first, as the world I was taken away from, suddenly becomes mine again. Where do I start? Where do I go? What do I do? Slowly, the familiar comes back and I take one confident step after the other. 

I’m not a horoscope freak of any kind. I just happen to be labeled as Gemini. The Gemini is known to be one person with two sides. This is most definitely me. In my personal life I am responsible and professional, but also fun-loving and wild. In my intimate life I enjoy romance and kindness, but I also enjoy pain and deviance. 

My life is not complete, I am discovering, without the yin yang. 

For those unfamiliar with yin yang, it “is used to describe how polar opposites or seemingly contrary forces are interconnected and interdependent in the natural world, and how they give rise to each other in turn.”

“Yin is the black side with the white dot and is characterized as slow, soft, yielding, diffuse, cold, wet, and passive; and is associated with water, earth, the moon, femininity and nighttime.” My life with Sylvanus is my yin. With him, I have the fairy tale life. We found each other at our most lonely and “desperate for more” lives. Separated by miles and life forces, we managed to still come together. We fought our own battles, made the miles between us disappear and found ourselves in each other’s arms. Sylvanus is my knight in shining armor. He came into my life when I needed him the most. Ours is an incredible love story and continues to be as we journey farther into this life together. Sylvanus is the man I share romance with. He’s the man I have made a life with. He wines me and dines me and takes me around the world. 

I myself, personally, identify as being “yin”. I am slow, taking my time to properly assess things before moving forward. All my moves in life are carefully calculated. I am soft, not only because I am a woman, but because of the career I have chosen for myself and the love I have for others. I am yielding and passive, for I am submissive after all. I am happy and comfortable letting others lead and I follow. I do not wish for conflict and am flexible.

“Yang, by contrast, is the white side with the black dot and is fast, hard, solid, focused, hot, dry, and aggressive; and is associated with fire, sky, the sun, masculinity and daytime.” MasterC is, of course, my yang. He is yang. He’s fast and focused as a successful, yet still young, business man. He’s hard, solid and focused as my Master. His dominance is one I have never before encountered but always dreamed of and now it is mine to have for as long as he wishes me to be his slave. My life with MasterC is the yang side of my life. With him, my “happily ever after” takes on a whole new form. With him, my deepest, darkest and most fucked up desires come to surface. I don’t want to be wined and dined with MasterC. No, with him, I want him to take possession of me. I want him to strip me, cut away all my clothes, bind my wrists and ankles with cuffs, collar me and lead me into his dark and secret cellar. I want to be his prisoner for a weekend or more. I want to be kept in his cellar, locked away in a place that sees no light of day and behind cold steel bars. Up above me I can hear him as he walks around the house, my heart beating fast as I wonder when he will appear to me again. I will eat off of the floor, I will drink out of a bowl, I will even do my business in a corner, all to be his prisoner for a weekend. When he takes me out of my cage, securing me within the cellar, spread out for his use, I will happily take every strike of his implements. I will happily serve him, for this is what my dark and fucked up side desires. 

My life and I, we are yin yang. Each side has their own special meaning and stands alone, but together, they create me. They complete me. I am Mina, the girl with two lives who does not wish to live without one. This is my balance. I am in love with both yin and yang. 

 

 

© At Longings End 

*All information about yin yang was taken from here 

 

 

fragile

Master has come back. I’m still getting used to this. I’m a little lost. Had he contacted me last week, telling me things are all done and he was back, I think my heart would have burst from the happiness. So why is it so different this week? I finally get what I have been aching for and I don’t know what to do with it.

It’s been hard these last 8 weeks. It’s been hard to speak less and less with my beloved Master and even harder during the times he disappeared altogether. I’m not saying his disappearance wasn’t justified, because it absolutely was, but it doesn’t make it easier for me to deal with.

When he contacted me two days ago to tell me his life was finally resuming its order, he told me that he was proud of me. He was proud of me for pulling through with him. I know how he meant the words. These words were spoken to a slave with admiration from her Master. And though I am still his slave, I do not feel like his slave. I have not served my Master in 8 weeks. I have not read my Master’s gentle praises, heard his commanding voice, felt the strength in his touch or seen the fire in his eyes in far too long.

So when he tells me that he is proud of me for pulling through with him, I do not take it as a Master’s praise and respond to it as a slave, as it is intended. Instead, I respond to it as a woman who is in love with a man. Of course I pulled through with him. I was not ready to let him go when I know we have so much more to explore together and we’ve barely touched the tip of the iceberg.

I am fragile and I am lost. I feel like a toy, once played with, but left on a shelf to gather dust. Now, I get to play once more, but are things still the same? Are they better or worse? I hesitate to say this, because I do not mean it as harshly as it will sound, but  have been neglected and abandoned and now I am being asked to take someone’s hand again and trust.

I know that there were no bad intentions between Master and myself. I know that everything that occurred was unfortunate and uncontrollable. I am not angry at Master. I do not love him any less. I do not want him to go away. I want to be his slave once more and I want him as my Master.

I am lost, however. I do not know how to be his slave, but I realize, this is not up to me. I have done and continue to do my part. I serve Master as best as I can. I follow his guidance and complete his orders. This separation has created a disconnect within our bond. I want to regain this bond. I want to get wrapped up in my submission like I once was.

I want to take his hand in trust once more and never let go. Let us find our way back to each other. Will it be possible?

© At Longing’s End 

why complicate things?

Relationships. No matter what kind you are in, they are complicated as is. So why complicate them even more? Why take the relationship between two people, already something that takes a lot of work to make a success, and start adding more people to it? 

I cannot speak for Sylvanus, but I myself, identify as being polyamorous. I am capable of having romantic love with more than one person and above that, I wish to explore this romantic love, not just hide it away as a secret crush or a forbidden love. I am lucky enough to be living in an open marriage with my husband and that he allows me to enjoy the pleasures of others. Because of Sylvanus’ generosity, I have been able to find a very special connection with MasterC and explore the depths of my submission with him. I wasn’t expecting this, but suddenly, I found myself in love with another man, in addition to my husband. And MasterC, fell in love with me. It all sounds so wonderful doesn’t it?

Some outsiders look at Sylvanus and I’s marriage and think, we are oh so lucky. Some view it as we are having our cake and eating it too. Trust me when I say this… it is so very very complicated. There is no magic wand. We don’t suddenly stumble into people who match our lifestyle. People aren’t just lucky. People don’t live the life they do because it was served to them on a silver platter (ok maybe some insanely rich kids do). People live the lives they do and have the relationships they have, because they made them happen. They worked at it.

I don’t know anybody in my real life that lives in a polyamorous house. I, however, know of a very small handful of people through my internet persona that do. In general, they have made it work. They have made a relationship of two people, expand to include a third, whether it be one woman and two men, or two women and one man. Yes, they made it work, but I can tell you, from reading the blogs, it’s also a nightmare at times. Troubles arise from family, friends and society telling them that their lifestyle is wrong. Troubles arise from simple relationship problems that can now be doubled because more than two people are involved.

Why would one desire to take something, a relationship between two people, that is already complicated on its own, and make it even more complicated? 

Because when it works…. it really fucking works. The prize at the end of the “wishful thinking” rainbow is a really BIG fucking pot of gold. It’s that glimpse and glimmer of hope that keeps us trying and working towards that prize, even through all the bullshit, heartache and frustrations. 

I don’t know if Sylvanus and I will ever live in a  poly household. Well, actually, I can say we never will. So many factors make it not possible for us. However, that won’t deter me from living a poly lifestyle. I may not get to live with the people I love, but having them as constant parts of my life, are just as rewarding. Yes, it would be really really wonderful if MasterC, Sylvanus and myself, lived under one roof. There is something extremely wonderful about living under the same roof as my dominant and it is something that I do miss. But this will never happen, for various life reasons. I know one should never say never, but I am pretty certain of this. It’s just the way it is.

Sometimes I wonder why Sylvanus and I even continue to have an open relationship. I look around me, at all my “internet” friends who also live in open relationships, and I see nothing but frustrations and heartache ,as they try to make things work in each respective  relationship. I watch as Sylvanus and these internet friends, meet someone, thinking things are going well, only to suddenly find themselves disappointed, heartbroken, or frustrated. I, myself, have spent the last two years, prior to MasterC’s appearance, in this same state of frustration. There’s a LOT more pain than there is pleasure. 

So why do it? Why continue making things more complicated than they need to be? 

The pay off is so much sweeter when you find it. It’s a gamble isn’t it? Polyamory is a big dose of gambling. It’s a giant slot machine and we are all too tempted not to pull on the lever. Cherry, Cherry, Bell. Cherry, Cherry, Orange. Cherry, Cherry, Strawberry. Until one day… Cherry, Cherry, Cherry. Jackpot!

Sometimes, however, the journey IS the jackpot. In my explorations of my own sexuality, in my quest to find a secondary partner, I found the deep connection I already had right in front of me. I found the appreciation of loving what I already have. In our journey to include other people, Sylvanus and myself brought each other even closer. There is a heightened sense of awareness between the two of us. Wanting to include other people in our lives, requires us to be even more open and more honest with each other. Sometimes, this blatant honesty can be sick, twisted and unintentionally hurtful. Yet, it brings us even closer. Through my desire to have more people in my life to love me and care for me and I for them, I found that truly, there is only one person in my life that will and has always been there and that is my husband. Through my disappointments and through my heartaches over other people, he remains. He continues to be there for me, when others fail, and I continue to be there for him as others fail him. 

Maybe one day, I’ll be able to say that there are two people in my life that I can depend on and who are always there for me. That, my friends, is the ultimate pay off. 

So, yeah, it’s fucking complicated, but it’s fucking wonderful. 

Magical Thinking

Yes, I realize I wrote this whole post from a very heteronormative perspective, and really honed in on only half of the BDSM dynamic. I did this because I am lazy writer, not because I think certain people should have all the blame, or others are innocent. Sorry.

One thing I find amusing is that a lot of people reacted to my post of yesterday thinking I was reacting to something bad that happened in my life. 

Nope.

I have had, in my life exactly one sub I called my own: Mina. I have, on occasion, topped others, or spanked them, or something along the kinky lines. but I’ve only ever had one sub. I’m still with her, though I will be the first to say the D/s aspect of our relationship has faded into the background. I attribute a lot of it to changes in my professional life, as my interest in dominance in general has waned. (And, to be honest, I even start to understand the appeal of submission.) 

But where the motivation really comes from is the fact that I often seem to be picking up the pieces for other people’s relationship disasters. Whether it’s being the friendly shoulder during someone else’s neglected sub drop, exchanging a mountain of DM’s as someone processes some immense hurt, or just trying to steer someone through the field land mines, I find myself pouring a lot of emotional resource into holding my friends together. While I’m sure I do something to attract high-drama people (or seek it out) I also don’t believe that I am the only person in the world people turn to. The fact is, there are a lot of people hurt out there. And what blows me away is how many of them are tough, well-worn souls that should know better. But, somehow, the chance to enter the world from the Story of O seems to wreck the judgement of otherwise intelligent people.

One thing I see a lot is what I call “Magical Thinking.” In my more sarcastic moments, I refer to “pony pooping rainbows” (or is it the other way around?). I often here: “A good dom won’t do that” or “a smart dom won’t let that happen.” Know what? Doms are, generally, dumb and lousy. So are subs. Just like the people they come from. The only difference is that a lousy vanilla man might watch too much football and ignore his wife for an afternoon, and a lousy dom can make someone suicidal. (Pardon my gender-normative phrasing there.) An astonishing number of Doms I have known are amazingly low-functioning people in real life, unable to hold a job, or so deeply engaged in the kink world that they can’t function in the rest of the world. Yet, somehow, that’s not a problem for someone if they can really make you hurt the right way. An unemployed guy who lives in his mom’s basement and asks to be called Sir is still an unemployed guy in his mom’s basement.

Okay, we’re lapsing into ad hominem a bit here. Let me pull this back to a more constructive footing.

There is no Consumer Reports for Doms. There is no guide out there that tells you who is good at what. The kink community, for all its virtues, does not, in general, work very hard to edit its membership. There is no William F. Buckley casting out the John Birchers. (I’m not arguing there should be, by the way.) Also, the kink community in a given area is pretty insular, and pretty low-information. You really have way of knowing who is a good Dom and who isn’t. Moreover, what makes a Good Dom, in the eyes of the local community, often has nothing to do with their ability to carry on a relationship. So, this leads me to The Shocking Conclusion:

There are no good Doms out there. None. Zero.

Let that sink in. You’re probably rising up to object, now let me explain in a more precise way:

There are no Doms out there that will automatically have a good D/s relationship with you.

Get it? See, when someone starts talking about the hypothetical “good Dom” what they are doing, at a certain level, is abdicating their own responsibility in making a D/s relationship work. Yes, I know you’re a good sub, and you will submit and do what he tells you, and you will never fall in that trap (that I see nearly every time) of “I don’t like X but my Dom says so, and He knows best.” (by the way, my keyboard threw up in its mouth a little capitalizing “he.”) But, as soon as you diagnose the problem to be “lousy Dom” then you’ve already guaranteed you won’t find a solution. 

But, if it helps, most Doms really do suck. Even if you do your part. It’s not just you. Probably not even mostly you. But partly you.

—

Why write this? What is my point here? What good can people take from this venom I have spewed out?

Wait, this needs to be positive? Well, shit, let me think. Oh right, I got it:

Communicate. You, as half a relationship, are neither good nor bad on your own. You’re trying to be good, but a sub and a Dom make each other. They communicate. The thrill of really well-done BDSM is this absolutely stunning level of naked intimacy that comes from pushing someone to the very edge to where you almost inhabit their body. This doesn’t happen by accident, it doesn’t happen (only) because one person has “da skillz.” It happens because both people fucking fight for it. And if you think that, somewhere out there, is the perfect Dom that can play you like a standup bass, and you just have to find them, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment.

And, to make things a little fair: Doms, if you think your problem is that you can’t find a “true” submissive, cut the crap.

So…why write this? Because I want to puncture that bubble that people traipsing into BDSM seem to ensconce themselves in, pour in that cold dose of reality, and maybe save one or two some massive hurt, or maybe get one or two to that really, really amazing place just a bit sooner.

See? A cynic really is just a tired optimist. 

How D/s relationships work

They don’t. 

Sorry to be the one to piss in your cornflakes, but this is the very sad, unfortunate truth. Most D/s relationships fail. And, it really should be fairly obvious: it’s because they are relationships. And relationships are hard. Most of them fail. Most people date several people before they finally marry someone. And marriage is a 50-50 shot at best, and even a fair number of the 50% that “last” are in fact exquisite systems of torture, quietly murdering the souls of the partners who are in the deeply lonely experience of staying in a bad relationship for good reasons.

As hard as a relationship is, and as likely as it is to fail when it is “normal” (or, to use a less prejudging word, “conventional”) going into a D/s relationship, where you will pile on additional challenges:

• Stunted communication, especially in high-protocol relationships 
• Asymmetric power structures 
• Social isolation, as a result of not being able to talk about your relationship with most friends and family 
• Abusive behavior, Okay, it’s in measured measured doses, but you are still playing with fire 
• A generally unstable mode of existence. D/s chases very intense highs, and therefore inflicts very severe lows.

As a D/s couple, you pretty much find yourself having to thread a needle while walking through raindrops on hot coals. 

Now, I’m not saying these things never work. But they rarely do. And the one you are thinking about entered, just entered, or are presently living in, is probably going to fail. I am saying nothing about you or your partner. I’m just playing the odds – and the odds are I’m right. And, an additional treat is that D/s relationships, when they fail, tend to fail spectacularly. The deep trust that is needed to perform the many twisted acts in BDSM causes tectonic explosions when it is broken.

So, here is the sad truth about BDSM: you’re probably going to get hurt, and it is probably going to be worse than a conventional relationship. I’m not saying it’s never worth it, but people, generally, suck. Doms, generally, suck. Subs, generally suck. Relationships, generally, fail. BDSM-centered relationships, generally, fail.

And keep in mind, the guy writing this is once-divorced, now in an open marriage with a huge pile of emotional wreckage in his wake. Want advice on how to make the relationship work? I don’t have any – and I wouldn’t listen to me, anyway. But then, I haven’t found anyone I would listen to. So, the only advice I can offer is to be ready for disappointment, and throw yourself in like you know it’s going to work.

Because if you live expecting to fail, you definitely will. 

Pain’s just part of the price of success. 

Mina’s anal journey

Note: the following post is based on my opinions and experiences. 

Anal, some of us love it. Some of us don’t. Porn these days makes a woman feel insecure if she’s not into anal and she sees her man totally digging the anal scenes. The D/s world also seems to have an emphasis on anal, with a dominant’s desire to penetrate, own and use every orifice of their submissive. 

I was not an anal person. How could I be? It always hurt and always seemed pressured on me. Before I was 18 and still very much naive about sex, I had my first anal experience. My boyfriend at the time, decided he wanted to fuck me in the ass. Naturally, I felt obliged to give him what he wanted or he would no longer love me and dump me. (Ah, young, naive girl in love.) He was a well endowed boy and was also the same person I lost my virginity to. He was kind enough to use lube and pretty much just pushed himself inside me. I am not enjoying it. It hurt and felt weird and not right to be opened like that. As he moved back and forth I just couldn’t take it, though I tried. After the whole ordeal, I remember having some digestive issues for a day. So, my first experience with anal left me deciding, never again. I really can’t remember if my boyfriend and I ever tried again. I’m thinking we did not. 

My second experience with anal happened when I was in my early twenties. Long story short, there was a man I had had a long distance crush on. One day, he was in my area and I found myself single. So, I agreed to meet him. However, I was also on my period. For me, I don’t mind period sex at all. But for him, it was an issue. He really wanted to have sex with me, so he suggested anal. That’s right my readers. He didn’t want to stick his cock inside my bleeding cunt, but my shithole was ok. I don’t get this logic. Any way, I am still, even in my early twenties, very naive with sex. So, he tried to fuck me in the ass, without using lube. I do remember him trying to use saliva, but we all know, that only goes so far. Since the anus does not self lubricate, his attempts at trying to enter my ass were a failure. He was frustrated and upset, but dammit, I did not want it to go on. 

My third attempt and a few more to follow, were with Sylvanus. At this point, we were both more educated in the art of sex and everything concerning sex. So we were very slow with anal. He used his fingers on me and then eventually entered with his cock. My attempts with Sylvanus were always so much better than what I had in the past, but even still, Sylvanus has some girth to him, and it was always very difficult to get past the discomfort of having my anus spread during anal. I could take his cock, but in all honesty, it never felt good to me. Sylvanus is not much of an anal guy, so this never bothered him.

As our D/s relationship ebbed and flowed, so also did our interest in anal. I wanted to enjoy anal sex. The best way I knew to make that possible was by training my ass. So, I acquired an anal plug. By now, most everyone should know my plug of choice is Njoy. I began with the small plug. Inserting it was a little uncomfortable at first, but once I got the bulk of the plug past my sphincter muscles, I found I took to wearing a plug quite easily. Before I knew it, I was up to wearing a large anal plug.

This is when I came to realize, for myself, it is not a problem for me to have something inside my ass. I found it felt quite normal and had absolutely no discomfort to it. I hear women find having a plug inside them quite stimulating. For me, it’s like wearing a piece of jewelry. I feel it. It is there, but it does not arouse me to wear one. (Unless of course I am wearing one FOR someone). The discomfort for me, for anal, has to do with the sphincter muscles. The muscles of my anus that naturally want to be kept tightly shut. Spreading those muscles and having to keep them spread, is where my discomfort lies. Using the NJoy plugs, was not going to help with that problem. The Njoy plugs have a thin stem, so they don’t keep your sphincter muscles spread open.

I then realized, I would have to try and upgrade to using dildo-like toys in order to stretch my ass. Again, my toy of preference for this was an Njoy product, the pure wand.  I began my training, under MasterC’s instructions. Daily, he had me wearing the njoy large plug for a few hours. I was told to start playing with it, push it slowly out of my anus and then pulling it back in before it actually did pop out. He wanted me to get used to using those muscles. The most interesting thing I discovered, was that when trying to insert an object into my anus, I actually should “push” a little with my muscles. I would have never thought this would help, but it actually opened me up a whole lot better. I always thought I should just relax, but the “pushing” technique was the most effective. 

On my own, I was able to successfully fuck myself in the ass with my own plug, I was able to work it in and out very slowly and I felt confident. On my own, I was even able to fuck myself using the Njoy Pure Wand. MasterC wanted to fuck me in the ass and I wanted to give this to him. I was still nervous about being fucked in the ass by a cock. Even though I felt comfortable sliding a plug or toy in and out of my anus at my own pace, this didn’t not mean I was ready for a cock. 

My whole world changed when MasterC came to see me the very first time. 

I was on the bed, my face against the mattress and my ass in the air. MasterC was going to use the plug on me. He used plenty of lube and pressed the large plug against my anus. He told me to relax and push out just a little. At first, it was difficult for him to push the plug inside me and I believe he stopped. He instead, began by using his fingers first. First he slid in one and then two. He began moving them around in my anus. He added a third finger and began working my anus. He moved his fingers like a washing machine, turning and twisting. It did not hurt, but again, I wasn’t feeling the pleasure of it all. Having been stretched now, he inserted my large plug easily. He began moving that slowly back and forth, never letting it pop out. He would twist and turn the plug inside me and it felt very strange. Master began working the plug harder and faster and something happened. Suddenly, all the discomfort and all the non pleasure, went away. Suddenly, it felt like my ass just opened up. Master could feel this too. Suddenly the plug slid easily in and out of me. He slipped his fingers back inside and used them to fuck me. He could feel the change that occurred. He could feel with his fingers that suddenly my anus was open to him. 

That moment changed me forever. It is my belief, through this experience, that an anus is much like a woman’s vagina. In a way, I feel that my anus had to be properly “broken” in and my “cherry” needed to be popped. Master did just that for me. Master forever changed my anus. From that day forward, I was able to take objects into my ass easier. In the past, if I didn’t keep up with my “anal training” my ass would just tighten back up and I would have to start all over again. Today, I find that doesn’t happen anymore. Sure, there is a little discomfort when I insert a plug for the first time and it’s been weeks, but I go from inserting that plug, to being able to fuck myself with it pretty quickly these days with no discomfort. 

The first time I took Master’s cock in my ass was pure delight. Sure, it was strange at first, getting used to something moving in and out of my backside, but there was no discomfort, there was no pain, and instead, I loved it very much. I look forward to the days that Master fucks me in the ass. 

Since Master has broken my anal virginity, Sylvanus has been able to benefit. It’s still a little harder with my husband though. My husband has more girth to him than Master does. I do not feel pain however when Sylvanus fucks me in the ass, but it does take a little getting used to. 

So there you have it. My anal journey. I hope in some ways, this helps someone out. I thought I would never get used to anal sex, but the thing that changed everything for me, was losing my anal virginity and having that “cherry” popped. Master made all the difference when it comes to anal sex for me. 

I encourage you to ask questions or leave comments below to share more about anal sex for those to come who seek advice and knowledge. 

Product Review: Screaming O FingO Vibrator

This review is brought to you by SexToys.co.UK. When I was asked what I would like to review, it was pretty simple actually. Maybe a little too simple. Out of all the products I’ve tried, I have never tested, nor owned, a finger vibe. 

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I had heard that Screaming O made a very good product in cock rings. As simple as a design, they were quickly turning out to be a first choice for many couples. So, when I heard they had come out with a finger vibe, their product was my first choice. I present my review for the Screaming O FingO Vibrator! 

 

For starters this is a very simple product. It’s a bullet vibe covered in a SEBS Silicone sleeve and runs on cell batteries. It is also waterproof, which was one of the appeals of getting this finger vibe as opposed to others. I like that you can easily and completely remove the silicone sleeve after water play to ensure the bullet vibe dries thoroughly and no water gets trapped within the silicone sleeve causing icky germs. 

Naturally, I selected my shower time as a good place for putting this new product to the test. After I had completely cleaned myself, it was time to cover myself in sin. I turned the vibrator on by pushing the button on the bullet. This vibe works only on one speed and setting. It’s a strong vibration and strong enough to induce an orgasm for myself, but please keep in mind, all women are different and if you generally find bullet vibes not strong enough for you, then this is not the right product for you. 

I let the water from the shower head cascade down my body. I lift a leg and let it perch on the side of the tub. I

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press my breasts against the cold tile of the shower wall. This exhilarates and hardens my nipples. As the hot water flows over my head and body, I begin pressing the finger vibe up against my clit. I rock my hips, letting the sensations take me. I imagine being in the shower with a lover. The excitement over takes me and I have a strong and powerful orgasm while standing in the shower, thanks to my new finger vibe. 

I have to say, I really do like my Screaming O FingO Vibrator. I require clitoral stimulation for all my orgasms and this can often limit what positions I can be in during sex if I want to have an orgasm. What I like about FingO, is it will be easy for any lover to slip over their finger and use on me as well. The silicone sleeve easily stretches to fit any size finger. Even my small fingers worked fine with it. I like that I have a new little friend to take with me into the shower. This makes shower time sex a lot more fun knowing I have the ability to orgasm easily now. 

Sure, I could use any vibrator from my collection to stimulate my clit during sex in order to have an orgasm, but I like the FingO. I like that it is small and I can wear it like a ring on my finger. Sometimes, this is so much more practical than holding onto a larger sized vibrator. I also think that it will be very easy for a lover to use on me. I’m looking forward to being fucked from behind while on all fours and having my lover, while wearing the FingO, reach around and stimulate my clit. I have a feeling this little vibe will open a lot of new sexual pleasures for me! 

Get yours today at SexToysUK! Or check out some of their other finger vibes. 

 

HNT~ Boobiethon

 

2011 marks the 10th Annual Blogger Boobie-Thon. Bloggers from all over the globe send in photos of their boobies (covered and uncovered) to help raise money for Breast Cancer Research. In the past nine years we have raised over $74,000.00 in the past 8 years and we are back to do it all again on October 1, 2011!

-From the Boobiethon “about us” page.

This year however, will be the last Boobiethon, so of course I had to contribute once more! The boobiethon runs until the 7th. There is still time to donate money or photos, so please visit their page! My fabulous breasts are featured in both the covered and uncovered galleries, including this lovely pic of my new bra I bought while in Paris!