boy dilemma 2

So, Andrew and I have exchanged a few more messages. I’m still not sure how I feel about “hooking up” with him. I’m stubborn ok! I know some of you women (and possibly men) are saying.. “Well damn girl, if you aren’t going to fuck that hot piece of ass, at least send him to someone who will!”

What can I say? I know what I want and Andrew isn’t it. Sure he *could* be fun. I pretty much have to be ok that there will never be “sessions” with him. It would be sex mixed in with some kinkier play, but I doubt he will ever be my Dom. If anything I see him more as my sub, but I am not naturally dominant and it may only be fun for a little while.

I’m getting to know what he’s interested in a bit better. From what I gather.. he is interested in piss play. It’s not something I have ever done before, but something I have been curious about. However, it is something best done between a Dom and a sub, in my opinion. Andrew’s interest though, is centered around giving me oral and having me piss on him. I think I can handle that.

Andrew has also expressed being turned on by women who cry. I am waiting for him to expand on this a bit. I’d like to know if there is something he would be doing to make these women cry in the first place, like spanking them. I have never been made to cry.. so this would be new to me… and again.. it is something best done between Dom and sub, not just a sexual liaison.

Finally, Andrew is really into the things that women wear. He loves lingerie and leather and I wear a lot of that in my Fetlife pics, however, a lot of it stayed behind in the US. He’ll be disappointed if he expects to see me in my boots and leather.

On my side though, he likes older women and apparently likes the way I look even though I am not a “skinny little thing”. I am nervous though. I take my pics and display the ones flattering to my body. I’m afraid he’ll see me in person and reject me. Oh well right? Nothing you can do.

If I do decide to explore Andrew, it would be a sexual liaison mixed with a few kinks here and there. Some of the things he’d like to do would take time and trust to establish. If we hit it off well, maybe months down the road, he could be my Dom. Decisions ….  Decisions …

HNT~ hips

This pic was taken not too long ago, but it deserves the proper attention here. Watch out, these hips don’t lie and there are certainly dangerous curves ahead!

*click to big*

 

Boy Dilemma

So, it should be no surprise that I am on Fetlife. I do like Fetlife. It’s not one of those dating sites, at least it never has been for me. I like it that way. Occasionally I get the lame message in my inbox, but for the most part, it’s a place to be connected with fellow kink friendly friends.

A few days, I received a message from someone I shall call, Andrew. He sent me a very short and sweet message.

“i never see someone so sexy like”

Ok give the kid a break. Keep in mind everyone I meet in my area is not a natural English speaker. It makes me cringe, but I have to understand. After all, he’s making more of an effort learning my language than I am his. Of course I don’t believe him. He probably sent that message to every girl in his area. I’m not dumb. I sent him a message pretty much telling him that I am flattered but can’t believe it considering the kind of women he is surrounded by. Still, he is persistent and claims he finds me to be very sexy in my photos.

I am still getting to know him and I have a suspicion that he is not Swiss German. I’ll find this out soon enough. What I can say is he is in Zurich, which means he is not far from me, he is 25, straight and curious and wanting to try new things. Andrew is also very very hot and his cock is a beast (which kind of scares me). *giggles* He’s also the symbol of European men, wearing Speedos in his photos (which he absolutely has the body for) and a gold chain around his neck and I don’t have a problem with it one bit. Yum.

Now.. where is the problem?

Anyone who knows me, also should know, that I am in search of a Dom. I know what I want and I am particular. My search is proving to be long and complicated, but hopefully the right person will come my way. Andrew, is not an experienced Dom. In fact, he knows nothing about BDSM. His interests seem to lie in having “rough sex”.

Normally, I would tell someone like Andrew to move along. But there is something about him. Maybe because he is hot. Maybe because he has a stunning cock. Maybe because he still sends me messages convincing me otherwise. There is something in my gut that is telling me “Mina, you need this. Fucking drop the strong act and just have some fun.”

So I asked twitter what they thought. The majority of people there felt I should just have some fun and search for a Dom while I am having fun.

Part of me doesn’t want to be a notch on this young man’s belt, but then again… wouldn’t he be a notch on mine? I never plan on marrying him. I never plan on making a life with him. He’s too young to even consider a life with me should he decide to stroll down the polyamory road. So why the hell not?

No, he’s not the Dom I want or desire, but why should I just sit here and wait? There is a lot of potential for fun with him. I could teach him a few things. I could mold him into what I desire. He has desires to both Dom and sub. I could have a lot of fun being in control of such a sexy young man.

When I began writing this post, it was a way to ask my readers for advice, but I think I have made up my mind. I think I’ll get to know Andrew a bit more and possibly give him a try knowing it will be just for fun. Sometimes a girl just needs to indulge herself a bit right?

dream, period, anal, lesson

Last night I had a dream. In it, I met this very hot boy and he had a very butch girlfriend. They both liked me and his girl expressed that he should put the moves on me. So after a little bit of under the blanket fun, (we were outside at some kind of public place), he began to advance downward with the intentions of giving me oral. I had to suddenly stop him, protesting that it’s best he not because I was on my period (don’t you hate it when real life creeps into your dreams?)

He became furious with me. He quickly got up, yelling at me. He was obviously angry that he couldn’t get anywhere with me. I was just a crying mess, pleading with him not to be angry at me. It wasn’t my fault I was on my period at that moment. I was still pleading with him when I woke from my dream.

This dream made me think of an instance in my real life. I was 23 or 24, it wasn’t until I was that age that I truly began to explore my sexuality. There was plenty I was still not aware of. I had met this guy over the net and we had become great friends but he lived in NY while I lived in CA. Time passed and before I knew it, he was also living in CA. Well, one day I made the drive out to see him. Of course, he was hoping for sex (so was I) and when things got heated I had to confess to him that I was on my period. (Yeah, my body sucks sometimes on the timing front). He was not the sort of guy who fucked a chick while she was on her period, but he wanted to fuck… so his solution was to ass fuck me. I was not keen on the idea. I had only tried anal once years ago and I did not enjoy it. It hurt the whole time. Now here was a guy who wanted to fuck me in the ass again. To do so would give him great pleasure and me pain. I still don’t get his reasoning. He was unwilling to fuck me during my period, but my shit hole was a better option? Go figure.

Anyway, I really liked him, and like a lot of naive women will do when they are enamored with a guy, I went with it. Of course, we didn’t get very far. I was naive and so was he. We were missing one key element to anal, the lube. Oh but he was persistent. The farther he tried to push into me the more I squirmed. Until finally, much to his disappointment, he had to stop. I believe I left his place not long after that.

The dream woke up me up (literally) to a lot of things that happen to women in their young and old lives. Young and old, I think there always comes a point in our lives where we feel pressured by men. A lot of men will tell you women will manipulate them to get what they want, but men you aren’t innocent in this either. From the day you became a teen, a lot of you have used a woman’s wish to be wanted as a way to get sex. You pressure a girl into having sex with you so that she can “keep” you. When we are young, we are more naive about this. Boy how I gave myself too much to men when I was younger just because I thought it would mean I could have this man and call him my own. It’s the typical high school tv drama right? Girl wants boy, boy wants sex, girl gives boy sex though she’s not really ready and the results vary. Sometimes boy stays, sometimes boy moves on to next conquest.

In any case, young or old ladies, don’t ever feel like you *have* to do something to keep a man or to get him in the first place. If you do, he’s not worth having and let him move on to the next chick. You are stronger than that. Don’t be afraid to say no and mean it and never be afraid to speak up when he goes against your “NO“. Though every sexual encounter I’ve had happened because I didn’t say no, there were quite a few that happened because I didn’t have the strength to say it.

Speaking of speaking up… be sure to read this post about Violated Consent. It also inspired a piece of this post.

Grasping for an identity

γνῶθι σεαυτόν

There was a time, and it wasn’t really that long ago, just over a year, when I knew who I was. What I mean by that, is that I had an identity in the kink world that people could understand. Dom. Poly. Open. Out. We a nice group of friends that new us, and knew our blog. We were very fortunate to be living an open, honest lifestyle in every way, completely unedited.

That was two cities, nine time zones, and an ocean ago.

Today, I’m now thrust back in the closet, questioning how much I identify as dominant, and even thinking carefully through the rest. As I often point out to people, this is not a big country. The whole country is slightly larger than Vermont, and has fewer people than Los Angeles. It was one thing when we moved from LA to Rochester. Although we lost a lot of the great kink-friendly (and kinky) network we had built, we at least had a sense that we lived in a town where we could be anonymous. But I have gone from living in a town of just over a million to a town of just over nine thousand. Hell, the entire canton has around half of Rochester’s population!

This past weekend, after we dropped the pup off at the groomer, we went in a bakery for breakfast, and I had one of my employees there who said hi to me. Of course, I answered and we chitchatted for a moment. But it’s just another remind of how difficult deviance really is to manage here. If I chose to do an evening out with a “special friend” there is a significant possibility of some serious rumors flying around the company. Which could mean repercussions in a lot of our business arrangements. Again, it’s a small country, and relationships matter. In another thought, this is a country where damned near everything closes on Sunday, and the thought of doing work on a Sunday is simply ridiculous. Beyond the pale. This a country where mowing your lawn on Sunday will get the police called out (no exaggeration) . So, the concept of an open marriage is entirely too scandalous.

But, as you hide this stuff away…it goes away. I mean, not all the way away, but living in a place that forbids toilet flushing after 10 PM (seriously) does make it challenging to whip out the belt for a whipping session. But then, I only want that in fits and starts, anyway. My new job, though I love it for being challenging and engaging, just drains me. I go to bed every day exhausted, asleep with twenty minutes of touching the pillow and sleeping soundly until sunrise. Where the fuck do I get the energy and the mental space to put together a proper scene where I really assume control and construct a mindspace for Mina? It’s just not there now.

So…I’m a mostly vanilla guy, who occasionally likes to meet someone new on the sly (though with my wife’s knowledge). That makes me…pretty damned normal, except that I trade one type of honesty (with Mina) for another (with the rest of the world). This was a choice I didn’t always have to make, and sinking back into the Byzantine social world has changed me.

And I’m not sure I like it.

 

the cringe fuck

Come on, you know you had one. Think back to a particular sexual partner in your past and when you do they’ll make  you.. that’s right… *cringe*. My cringe is followed by a full body shake and a “bwhaaaaaa”. The cringe fuck is usually also a “What the fuck was I thinking” fuck, only a tad worse. You literally can’t believe you fucked them and thinking about it makes you cringe.

It was 2004. I was single and loving it. This was the year of my slutdom. Sure, I’m still a slut now, but I’m a reserved slut. Back then I was single and enjoying it with whomever. These days my sluttiness is reserved for those deserving.

Back then I was living in California and working the best job ever. My job had me enjoying the California weather daily. I don’t talk about what I do, but back then I worked at a place that was heavily manual labored. So naturally, as most places in CA do when the job is manual labor.. your workers are Mexican. I have absolutely no problems with Mexicans, quite the contrary really. Mexican men come to CA to make a living for their families back in Mexico. The dollar got you quite a lot of pesos. So, quite often, these men would come and work for us for a few years while their wives and kids stayed at home and they saved their money to send home to Mexico.

The stereotype that Mexican men cheat is quite true (at least in my experience) as well as the stereotype of Mexican women keeping a tight leash on their men and always suspicious of every move they make. It’s a vicious cycle. Let’s not forget the wrath of a Mexican woman scorned. Whoo lawdy!

In any case, you can imagine what a young white girl, such as myself was to workplace mostly populated by Mexican men of all ages. Yes, I was fresh, young, white meat and boy did they all want me. Yes, some of them had me. Some of them never had a chance and one in particular, “I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking” *cringe*

Honestly, I couldn’t tell you why I did it. Perhaps it was a pity fuck. The guy wasn’t bad looking, but he wasn’t my type either. Maybe I was just in a “mood”. In any case, I woke up to the sound of rocks being thrown at my apartment window and my Nextel phone beeping. He and his uncle (oh yes everyone is practically related) were asking to come up to my place. Oy.. what was I thinking? I let them up, they brought some beers. I hate beer but I drank one with them.

One thing lead to another and he convinced me to go to bed with him. Wham bam, thank you mam and I was done with the experience. He wanted to keep going, but we had used the only condom. I then told him it was time to leave. Only as I am asking both of them to leave, his uncle is begging me to have sex with him. I mean begging me, on his knees and everything. Kinda sounds cool right now, but not so much back then. I was starting to get a little nervous. There were now two of them and only one of me and one really wanted to have his way with me. I stood my ground.

Thankfully, after many No No NO’s and me pointing to the door and telling them to leave, they did. At this point, that’s where the cringe got added to the “what the fuck was I thinking” fuck. The very next day I was infuriated with myself. I felt sick to my stomach. Not only did I sleep with someone for reasons I don’t even know, but someone else knows about it and dammit.. now there’s a whole world of awkward here.

Those days are gone. I have no idea what was said about me amongst the Mexicans but now that I am gone, I am sure many lies and stories have been created. Not all my experiences were horrible. There were a few special people there that I think fondly of from time to time and they bring a bittersweet smile to my face. I’m sure I’ll write about those times as well.

Tell then, you get to bask in the dim light of my “cringe fuck”. Oy. What the fuck was I thinking? Can’t take it back now.

Disobedient Brat, a social experiment Pt 4

Well, things seem to be dying down for Disobedient Brat. You generally get a lot more attention when you first join a site because you get shot up to the front of the list as a new member. All in all, it seems that being a flat out bitch on the internet doesn’t seem to make that much of a difference than if you are nice. I got more nice messages than hateful ones. In fact, being a bitch might have actually saved me from a lot of messages. I think a lot of men were just not willing to “get up in my face”. Which is fine by me. I certainly don’t want to be spending my time fighting with strangers.

Disobedient Brat still gets asked to join people’s “friend networks”, which she turns down and she still gets “admired” by others.

Remember “Ash“? Disobedient Brat answered very politely, but hasn’t heard back yet. Oh well. Thems the breaks.

Well, at least I have a few more message to share:

G says:

“Hi
You’re the submissive I have always wanted and desired.
You are perfect !”

Oh my! Thank you G! I’m not sure you could possibly mean that. Are you sure? I mean.. you *did* read my profile right?

MD remarks:

“So… I am not the only one to collect trash messages, eh? :))”

No, MD, sadly I am not so fortunate enough to be the only person to be played around with on the internet.

That’s about it for the weekend stuff. Hopefully things get more exciting during the week for DB. If not, it seems this experiment is slowly coming to a close.

New to the “experiment”. Follow it here.

 

sunday morning

Insubstantial conversation wanes into the quiet of the Sunday morning. Words grow silent as looks linger in the morning light. Eyes fix on reflections within the orbs of our gazes. Lips find lips. Fingers find flesh.

He straddles my body, cock in hand. Immediately my body responds. I heave and pant beneath him as I watch his hand run up and down his shaft. Slow, deliberate strokes, becoming hard and fast. He pauses, momentarily, leaning over me. He is thinking about the lube. My hand reaches out, grasping his cock and stroking him slowly. Above me, moans escape his lips and he abandons the lube. Instead, he waves my hand aside and begins his heated stroking.

Up and down, his hand moves with purpose. His moans grow louder as his strokes move faster. My body beneath him urges him forward to his final release until finally, his seed jets from his cock. The first jet hits my sternum. The second, more powerful, hits the corner of my mouth. Each jet after, moves farther down my body until puddles form on my stomach.

He moves between my legs, his mouth embracing my clit. One finger slides within me, causing me to gasp. He tries for a second, but my body resists. Sliding the first out, he slides the second in, lubricating it with my arousal, until finally sliding both fingers in at once. My moans grow louder.

My nostrils flare and the smell of his DNA, slowly drying on my body, invades me. My physical arousal mixed with the scent of his, rocks my body forward. My hips begin to roll and as my body shifts, his ejaculate begins to move. Slow, wet trails flow down my sides. Just a momentary distracting as his tongue continues it’s melody.

The pleasure builds from my core. My body thrashes beneath him until finally the orgasm approaches. Suddenly, my body relaxes and succumbs to it. I lay there, letting his tongue and fingers orchestrate my orgasm. I surrender to the delicious throbbing of my clit and the pulsing contractions of my muscles around his fingers. I float in the air, if only for a few seconds before coming back to bed.

His lips covered in my arousal, my body covered in his. We are but Sunday morning.

DisobedientBrat, a social experiment, pt 3

And so continues the Disobedient Brat saga… today’s messages are quite varied!

A couple wrote:

“Hi.

Do you currently live in Switzerland?
Interested in getting to know a couple? If yes, please reply to this note and also feel free to ask questions!”

Hi couple, you sooooo did not read my profile. I’m sure if you did, you would not have contacted me. Besides that, my profile says I am in search of a dominant male, not a couple.

TDM says:

“Here’s what…no offense intended, but if thats really you in the pic and you wish to speak further, then send me a message.Pic of me attached”

No TDM, that is not me in the pics. I am actually a drop dead, perfect 10 body, 5ft 8 blond woman. I just thought the chubby woman I found pics of on the internet looked “better”. *rolls eyes* But you are good looking.

FS writes:

“I read you do not want pictures of male anatomy, so I do not send you any of me. But google pictures the movie the hunt for red october, I can tell you that periscope of the soviet sub was modeled after this part of my body. Joke apart, I find the your taxonomy of dominant men on the net very funny, and very true, Kind regards”

Well at least I got through to someone… sort of. Thanks FS and thanks for not sending me your freak show cock.

WG states:

“I do not see what a true dominant alpha male could gain with a married female who is locked into her marriage ….”

This response, I actually sent him :

“The years I have spent getting to know different Doms, it is clearly apparent that I most desire a true dominant alpha male. However, you are correct. Alpha males are stubborn, do not like to share and do not play well with others.

I have no idea what you mean about me being “locked into marriage”. I am polyamorous and in an open marriage. I seem to think I am every Dominants dream. I have a husband, and so he is my normal life. However, to a Dominant I am his submissive and only his submissive. He does not need to ever worry about putting a ring on my finger, buying me jewelry or wining and dining me. He just needs to be my Dominant. I am lucky that, though I am married to someone, he is willing to share me with others and allow me to seek a Dominant since he himself can not be my Dominant. If an alpha male wishes to someday marry me, then yes, I am not a good choice for him. But if all he wants is a special bond with a submissive woman for a very long time, then I am the right woman for him. And if he so chooses to see other submissives besides me, I am ok with that and I am ok with him being my ONLY Dom and I prefer it that way.

If you do know any true dominant alpha males, send them my way.”

And finally, Ash says:

“Hello from Switzerland
Well you are a feisty one. If I would imagine dominating you I think it would be like going on a hunt or taming a wild horse. It would be lots of tease and play, searching to gain influance over small matters. From what I understood from your profile sex should happen only after you submitted and not submition trough sex. Anyways i’m not sur I could dominate you (might end being dominated myself). But my first goal is to have a contact with you to know you a bit more. And I might find switch that can manipulate you who knows.
And the fact that we both live in switzerland might give us a few good oportunities

Hope hearing from you soon even though I know you must be drowing under all those messages.
Ash”

OK I actually *like* Ash… I need to think about how to respond to him. He put a smile on my face and did make me *giggle* out loud when reading his message. I will be responding to him in a more pleasant matter while maintaining my bratty nature. After all, he seems to dig that. *wink*

(New here? Follow all of DisobedientBrats experience here.)

DisobedientBrat, a social experiment Pt2

Continuing on the journey of DisobedientBrat, here are the latest messages she has been blessed with:

L writes:

“gratulation. Perfectly written. Good spelling and clear words with a good mind behind.

Hope you will find the one ho rules you and gives you what your gaining for.
Good desition with saver!

Good luck”

I’m not exactly sure entirely what he was saying but thanks!

SM says:

“Just tell me why would a pretentious bitch like you DESERVE a good Dom?”

Good question.. hmm… I kind of wonder why the men posing to be Doms deserve a submissive myself. Meh, it doesn’t matter.

ET said:

“I really like your profile but my english maybe is not good enough for you.
Normaly I’m a dominant man in vanilla life but really like a strong woman in my life. I cant believe that you are only sub or devot.

I like curvy and strong woman’s and I’m not fat or have hairs on my body.

Hope to hear from you or can chat with you.

Good night”

I wrote ET back and told him his English was probably not good enough. However, he did not need to worry about speaking if he wanted to be my bitch. I asked him if he wanted to be my bitch. I oddly have not heard back from him… hmmm….

D writes:

“Can i make you to my slave?

when you will me serve, than write me a mail or let us together chatting under (yahoo)”

No

F tells me to

“Join me in  gmail for a chat”

No

AW sends me a prefabricated message without reading my profile.

My love
Your ad has inspired me, so I must now write to you. It gives me great pleasure to meet especially your sexual desires and make you perfectly happy with. It would be very happy to hear in detail about your wishes and inclinations.

For me, I am 186 cm tall, 102 kg in weight, so unfortunately, somewhat stout, brown, born (censored), (so I am Capricorn), but look much younger. I am happily married for 37 years, and this binding would also be maintained. I would just broaden my sexual horizons and experiences. I live near (censored).

I run my own business in the industry, computer science (computer) and multimedia (video, hi-fi, television, etc.) (censoring personal info) My job is just a hobby, so I have a great sex video DVD library, and I bought the latest HDTV *- camera from Canon and I would be delighted if I could make shots from you.
Gruss und Kuss
PS: * = movie with HDTV resolution that is 5 times the film is as sharp as photos

E-mail: Must be announced until after 2maligen letter
Tel: Must be announced until after 2maligen letter

Dear AW, I am truly flattered that I DB, received the same thoughtful message that mina did. You truly were inspired by my ad! Sadly, I have to decline. You are too much for me. Also, I am not ready to be forced to share my telephone number and personal email after exchanging just 2 messages.

PunkassMaster says: (Damn I thought he had potential with that name)

“Hallo, gahts guet?”

Even google translate couldn’t help me here… anyone ?

BDC says:

“you’ve been though some disappointments haven’t you. get over it”

Thanks for being perceptive… and yes I will get over it.. this has been a lot of fun!

Remember MP from yesterday’s post?.. well that took a downhill turn… This is our conversation after I replied to him.

MP: Hello to you again. I did get your message and I’ve seen you went to My profile. Good to know that you area at least interested WHO you are going to write!
You stayed obedient far too long? Fist: who decides how long is good for you or not?
second: I am more than sure, you have NOT been completely obedient (if you have at all !!?!!?!)!
What do you think about r/l meeting? I would look into your “obedient” LOL face, when I talk to you. I’m thinking about a neutral and public place like a coffeeshop or something equal. Could be in Zurich or Basel. Think about it and let Me know.

DB: *I* decide how long is good or not. My submission is a gift, not a right.
Secondly, you do not know my past, I assure you I have been very obedient to those deserving. And those numbers are few.
Thirdly, as a woman, I would be a fool to meet a stranger even if it is in a public place. I do not know you. You are a man. You could easily take physical control of the situation and myself.

MP: of course I do not know your past. on the other side, what exactly means “obedient”? there are hundreds or even thousends of variations. depending, who defines the word.
btw, a (sub) person who is 100% obedient or “perfect” is not interesting to Me. it starts to get boring in a short time. but the disobedient-one must be prepared for the consequences of her behavings… :-)
well, you are afraid to meet someone in a public coffeeshop in Switzerland? because you think I could harm you or rape you? you are hopefully not serious about that?! I would understand your concerns, if we would meet somewhere in the forest. but that’s your decision.

DB: Yes, there are many definitions to obedience. What is obedient to one, may not be enough for another. And so I am obedient in a way that pleases the one who owns me. As the one who owns me should teach me the ways to be obedient. Should I not be obedient, I know that there will be punishment.
I do not meet people I know nothing about, in person. I just don’t. That’s my own personal rule and preference.

What you see written above is the extent of what I know about MP. His profile is pretty much empty and tells me nothing about him. Do you honestly think I would go to visit him? I would be truly crazy to go and meet a stranger based on my bratty profile. Who’s to say he doesn’t show up with a bunch of his friends? Or he doesn’t show up at all. Bottom line.. that wasn’t happening. Needless to say, communication ceased after my last message to him.

And that is today’s installment of DisobedientBrat.