Dose of Mina 1

It’s Monday and here is your dose of Mina. A little something from a few years ago.

xo mina

Weekly Dose of Mina 4

As always, click on the day of the week to see an image of Mina.

• Monday
• Tuesday
• Wednesday
• Thursday
• Friday
• Saturday
• Sunday

I think as of today, the Daily Dose of Mina will be moving to this blog instead of being posted on Tumblr. So get ready for daily uploads instead of once a week.

xo mina

well, this explains it

There are some things about my psyche that I have only begun to analyze, in an attempt to understand. There’s a corner of my being that I haven’t been able to wrap words around. Until I read something Remittance Girl wrote. (Seriously, she should be part of your reading list)

This is objectification. This is depersonalization. This is transactional sex with absolutely no strings attached. It’s the shameless use of a human for your own pleasure. And if I ever doubted that I would sink that ‘low’, I had all my self-delusions disabused that night.

What stopped me was pure practicality: I didn’t trust him to make sure the condom stayed put. It’s the one physical reality of being female – you’re really NOT in charge of the condom.

Fast forward a few years. I’m hatching a very warm relationship with a fellow writer online. I like him immensely. I think he’s sexy and witty and smart as hell. Not only that, but he’s physically very beautiful. Before I knew him, I would have loved a pic of him with his hand around his cock, jerking off. But now – now I know him – it just wouldn’t be the same.

A significant aspect of why porn turns us on is because the object of desire is emotionally distant from us. It’s not that you can’t engage in furious masturbation with some explicit image of someone you adore – but it isn’t the same. The minute you care for someone, there’s an inescapable complication that worms its way into that pure, lizard-brained lust and mucks up the works.

The proof of this is that, after you’ve wanked to the dick-pic of your sweetheart, after you’ve come and lie there panting and spent, you will wipe off your sticky fingers and pick up the phone again to look upon it lovingly, affectionately, warmly. Then, you’ll tell him what you did.

That’s just not porn. It’s good, it’s great, it’s much better in some ways, but damn it – it doesn’t have that uncomplicated, purely self-serving eye to crotch closed circuit thing going for it. Well, not for me.

Read the complete post here

Perhaps out of all I’ve posted above, this is the part that holds me tight:

A significant aspect of why porn turns us on is because the object of desire is emotionally distant from us. It’s not that you can’t engage in furious masturbation with some explicit image of someone you adore – but it isn’t the same. The minute you care for someone, there’s an inescapable complication that worms its way into that pure, lizard-brained lust and mucks up the works.

What she wrote here expresses beautifully, an aspect of my mind. Perhaps my interaction with online men, is in fact, my porn. I ache and crave for the next brilliant mind fuck. Mind you, there is a difference between cybering with someone and truly participating in a mind fuck, as far as I am concerned. I don’t care to “cyber” with some random horny net dude.  That’s meaningless and carries no arousal for me. It’s the melding of minds, a chemistry of words bound by a mind fuck and an explosion of body reactions that gets me going. When it’s good, I ache for more. One simple word from the other person triggers my wetness. I’m on the edge of my seat, holding my breath, waiting for the next time our paths will cross. Inevitably they do, time and time again, and it’s beautiful, but in some cases, something else happens.

These men begin to know me and I them on a more personal level. Some of them show me the picture of who they are behind the mask. Sometimes it works to stir up my lust for them even more, other times it destroys the picture I had in my mind. I simply don’t find them physically attractive and it ruins my fantasy. Causing our passionate interactions to fade. (I’m sure I’ve ruined a few fantasies for some out there as well).

Then, some of these men become actual friends. The boundary of internet relationships gets shattered with the occurrence of real life friendships. I get to know their personal lives, their passions and the day to day and they get to know mine. Suddenly things change. The fiery passion between two strangers gets turned into acknowledgment of being real people. I find that this often changes things. At least for me.

Am I that shallow? Or have I not found the right man to be my fantasy and my reality?

I choose to believe the second. For there are men, men I have met in real life, or seen photographs and have even gotten to know on more personal levels, that still keep my blood boiling. Perhaps with me, there needs to be a good balance. There needs to be some mystery. I want to know them more than the avatar on the screen, but I don’t want to know everything about them. Just enough to make them special, but not too much to ruin the fantasy.

There are a few men today, I know what they look like and I know bits and pieces of their real life, and I know I want to offer my physical self to them. I fantasize about one day actually being with them, and yet, I don’t think it will ever happen. My own personal beliefs or morals and/or distance keeps it as such. So then, does this really count? Is there a safety in attraction because we will never “go there”?

The minute you care for someone, there’s an inescapable complication that worms its way into that pure, lizard-brained lust and mucks up the works.

I’ve written a post before on how love can often fuck up a D/s relationship, or to put it kinder, restrain a D/s relationship. How is that for ironic? Over a year ago, the D/s relationship Sylvanus and I explored together faded. Sure, there have been blips here and there. While he was on a trip in Switzerland, we ignited a D/s communication between the two of us. My husband still has dominant tendencies in the bedroom, which I adore, but we are no longer Dominant and submissive to each other. Life happens. Sylvanus and I have been met with many challenges. Work has gotten increasingly demanding for Sylvanus. At the end of the day, all available mind space that he has, he has no desire to use as a Dominant. I can respect him for that. My desire to be a submissive still runs strong, however, he does not feel the need to be a Dominant. I am lucky that my husband is allowing me to find a Dominant in my life to help fulfill that part of me that is missing. But this goes a little of topic from the above quote.

Sylvanus and I are first and foremost, husband and wife. This is how we function. This is how we work in the real life. We love each other dearly. Because of this, things get sticky. I can openly admit that I don’t see Sylvanus as my Dominant anymore. Love makes things tricky. Or perhaps simply knowing the type of man my husband is, does. I have deep, dark and hidden desires I want to have ripped out of me by a most deserving Dom. I don’t think my husband can do this for me. Not for his lack of trying. Because he IS my husband, I admit to being shy to let myself go. Perhaps because he IS my husband, I am afraid to see him go to those dark corners. I’m afraid of being too over the edge for him.

As it stands, I desire to find a Dominant. No complications. This man is in my life for one purpose and one purpose only, to share in the powerful experience of a D/s relationship. Will there be love? Of course, but the love between Dominant and submissive is different than the love of a husband and wife. I will not look to this man to give me the wealth of support life requires me to have. He need only be my Dominant in every way that I need him to be as such.

There it is then.. a section of my being I never thought I could put words to. Perhaps my interaction with men via the internet is my porn.

This is objectification. This is depersonalization. This is transactional sex with absolutely no strings attached. It’s the shameless use of a human for your own pleasure.

I have a feeling some people don’t mind being my porn at all.

Product Review: The New and Improved LELO MIA

One of the great things about a company like LELO, is that they truly listen to their customers’ needs and suggestion. Back in July of 2009, we did a review for the LELO MIA. Today, LELO is introducing the world to a newer and better version of MIA. Some of the key complaints that LELO had received about the MIA, was that there just wasn’t enough power and that the cap, that covers the USB component was weak and would get used and fall off easily. Well, LELO heard you and has revamped the MIA.

click to big

What didn’t change about the MIA.

It’s still the same, lipstick sized vibrator it always was. MIA still charges via USB port. She is

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backed by LELO’s 10 year quality guarantee and still comes in the luxurious packaging that LELO is known for.

When you open up the box you are greeted with the user manual, guarantee booklet, satin pouch, and USB cable.

So what has changed about the MIA?

One new thing, is that MIA is now available in a lovely black color. Very discreet and very stylish.

MIA has a brand new motor. A more powerful motor. She still offers 4 varied stimulation modes, only now they are more powerful and without sacrificing the quiet that LELO is known for. Was it enough to get me off? Oh yes it was. I used her one night when Sylvanus and I were making love in one of our favorite positions, the “Lazy Sex” position. This is where he spoons me from behind and fucks me. I require stimulation on my clit, so I always reach for a vibe. This particular night, I went with the new MIA. Yes, she totally rocked my world. A nice small vibe, easily cupped in my hand. The controls were easy to use. It should also be said her small size makes it easy to use her during sex in between two bodies, especially “cowgirl” style.

One of the things that LELO does to test their products is something called the “laser test”. What they do is shine a laser at the product while it is vibrating and have it bounce off of a mirror. What happens is a circle forms. The bigger the circle, the more powerful the product. Here is a picture of the old MIA (in pink) put against the new MIA. As you can see, the new MIA has a FAR bigger circle and thus far more power.

One other complaint was on the cap that covered the USB component of the MIA. Eventually, through use, the cap wouldn’t stay on. It often would fall off easily. Sometimes not staying on at all. Now LELO has reinforced the cap. The cap now has silicone grooves and plastic slots on the inside. It will better resist wear and the cap stays on securely. I like this new design.

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If you liked the MIA before.. you are going to love the MIA now. The new design has made this product even better. This is perfect for the woman who travels. No need to worry about chargers. You can plug MIA right into your laptop at the end of your day. Tuck her in your purse for those noon escapes in the office. MIA is also a great little vibe for the couple just beginning to explore enhancing sex in the bedroom.

Bravo LELO! Thank you for continuing to make quality products and listening to your customers. Want a MIA or LELO product of your own… be sure to visit their site!

weekly dose of mina 3

Click each day of the week to see what I’ve been up to all week

• Monday (Happy Valentine’s Day)
• Tuesday
• Wednesday
• Thursday
• Friday
• Saturday
• Sunday

 

If you don’t like me…

…well, you’re in good company.

There’s a lot of people who don’t like me. Hell, I get to hear it said to my face in multiple languages almost every day. I can think of some very successful, high-functioning people who wouldn’t cross the street to piss on me if I was on fire.

I don’t like it – in truth it sucks. But it’s also a fact of life. I have suffered far, far more greatly trying to make other people happy than I have by being the pompous ass I am now. I have also made better, closer friends being “like this” than I have by taking the opposite approach. Could I do better? Certainly.

But, here’s the thing about this blog and my twitter stream: I’m not trying. The point of this blog is to provide a space to air out whatever. As I’ve written recently, I have found myself constrained here as time has gone on. I have started a project elsewhere where I can feel a little more free to write what is on my mind today. Sorry to tell you, it’s not very interesting, if you read this blog. It has, as of this moment, a whopping 5 views. And that’s fine. Just like this blog, it’s not about the stats. It’s a place to express oneself.

Now, Mina has recently been the target of some negativity, which is fine, she can handle it. But, of late, it’s been aimed at her, but about me. This is where the Southerner in me feels the need to defend my wife’s honor.

If your problem is with me – say it to me. I’ve gotten lashed out at plenty of times on this blog, and I have never deleted a comment for any reason but spam – and I won’t start now. But if you are going to criticize Mina’s behavior for being inconsistent with mine, well, I have to tell you: we’re two different people. We are not going to be consistent with each other. But let me go a step further: I won’t be consistent with myself, and I’m not a hypocrite.

See, the thing about this blog is that since it is a broad, unfiltered pipe from my id to your screen, it’s going to be chock full of contradictions. I am certain that my writing in the three-and-a-half years of doing this, while not deleting posts, has more contradictions than the Bible. It’s because I’ve changed a lot in that time. And I’ll spare you the suspense, and tell you I will contradict myself in the future, too. Hell, I’ll go one more step: I’m a lousy writer. I mean, I do the best I can, try to use proper grammar, spell correctly, and always find the most interesting and precise words I can to express myself, but I’m still, at best, “fair” on a scale from “Poor” to “Excellent.”

For instance, I wrote an entire post about some abhorrent behavior I’ve been exposed to without ever raising even the tiniest objection, and somehow managed to obscure the self-doubt and shame I feel because I allow this to happen, and even seem to elicit the behavior. This is not to say I am not the smug, arrogant bastard I was accused of being, merely that I was accused of it for reasons I think unfair.

Do I adopt a holier-than-thou attitude for attention-seeking behavior online? You bet your ass I do. Do mina or I engage in attention-seeking behavior? Sure. However, if your journeys online have led you to this little corner of the ‘net, you’ve surely seen a lot of such behavior. And if your experience with the full spectrum of attention-seeking behaviors has led you to determine that we are the worst offenders…well, I don’t know what to tell you.

But really, if you are calling me out for it, I’m not sure what you want to accomplish. I self-identify as a misanthrope, a smug asshole, and an absolute bastard quite freely. There are people in this world I’ve treated poorly, and wrongly so. They know who they are, because I’ve apologized to them, publicly or privately, depending on the circumstances. There are people I’ve deliberately treated poorly because I think they’ve earned it. They know who they are, because I’ve frozen them out of my life. There are even people in this world I don’t like, but have vocally defended when I thought they were wronged.

If I’ve wronged you, and you think I’m blithely unaware, then tell me, for the simple reason that I want to know. I don’t really want to make enemies – it’s the surest way to have to shut down your blog. But you are going to address my wife as “Sylvanus’ little pony,” then I’m not sure you get to mock me for being holier-than-thou with any sort of credibility. It’s like Dennis Miller mocking Keith Olbermann for being too abstruse. If your problem is that Mina’s behavior doesn’t mesh perfectly with mine, well, sorry – I don’t have that level of control over her and I don’t want it. If you want me to stop being an asshole because you proved you can be a bigger asshole…okay, you’re a bigger asshole. That doesn’t make me want to change.

So, what I’m left with is – what is your motive here? I’m really lost. A few anonymous stinkbombs on her Tumblr isn’t teaching any sort of lesson. I’ll leave it in your court, then. Our comments are open.

weekly dose of mina 2

Here is what you missed this week on Tumblr *smiles* Just click on each day of the week.

• Monday
• Tuesday
• Wednesday
• Thursday
• Friday
• Saturday
• Sunday

Hope you enjoy! xo mina

attention whore

When you put yourself out there for the public to see, the inevitable will happen. You’ll make a few new friends, you’ll create a fan base and most assuredly, you’ll have people who don’t like you very much. It’s the natural ebb and flow of things. Something EVERY blogger should be prepared for. For every person who likes what you have to say, there are 5 who don’t.

Last night, after coming home from being out all afternoon, I did what I will do from time to time and ask people if they have any questions, comments or desires and put up a link to my “ask me” box on my Tumblr. For the most part, people just ask me questions about all kinds of things and I have a lot of fun answering them. Some people post what they would like to do with me, which is also nice. Others make suggestions of what kinds of pictures they would like to see. Every once in awhile, because you have the option of being anonymous when asking questions, you get someone who feels the need to be negative to you.

Last night, someone felt the need to tell me:

Were you always as much as an attention whore growing up as you are now? And it seems to have gotten worse now that you’re overseas. Maybe because you don’t have so many willing and ables to fuck. But really, it is somewhat sad to see how far you’re willing to go to gain attention online.

and then they also to tell me:

Self esteem issues don’t develop overnight. Nor do they go away as quickly. Those doubts, fears, and feelings you went on about for so long before are buried somewhere most likely, and you’ve simply gotten better at hiding behind this ‘vixen’ mask you like so much. Now, honestly, are those doubts still there, waiting for a moment of weakness or searching for a crack in the facade to reemerge?

If you’d like to see everything that was exchanged between us (I recommend you do), including my responses go here, here, here and here. (I am making an assumption that the negative comments are all coming from the same person. There is no way of telling me who these comments are coming from when they post anonymously, so I apologize in advance if I am not dealing with the same person every time).

This post isn’t about revisiting my answers and drilling farther into the issue. This is about labeling people. The biggest thing in question here is my self esteem. Because I am a woman, who posts naked photos of herself, flirts openly online, and writes smut, there must be something “wrong” with me. I must be doing this because my self esteem is so low, this is the only way I feel like a person.

You couldn’t be farther from the truth.

People do the things they do for various reasons. I am not going to deny that there are some lonely women out there, who are neglected by their partners and posting pics of themselves and receiving compliments from complete strangers makes them feel better about themselves. Heck, I’ve been a “sex” blogger since December of 2005. When I started blogging I was in an unhappy relationship. I was a sexual vixen and my boyfriend was a sexual bore. So I found a safe way to express my desires through writing erotica instead of cheating on him. I even told him about the blog 2 months after I started it. I thought it was a good way to get him to see what my fantasies were and maybe he’d want to try a few. He even began helping me take pics to post on my blog. Well that relationship ended less than 2 years later. And now I am with Sylvanus, whom I met through my blog.

The one thing I never addressed to the negative commenter, was if I was always an attention whore growing up. No I was not, however, I can tell you I was always a sexual vixen, though perhaps not as expressive about it as I am now.. as an adult. When I was a teen, I was still learning and growing but there was always a sexual energy around me. Some people are more sexual than others. This, I have learned as an adult. Deal with it. Just because a woman loves sex, it does not make her a bad person. If you feel she needs to be labeled as a “whore” so be it. I wear my whore badge happily and unashamedly.  I, Mina, love sex and I’m a “whore” because of it.

The truth is, I don’t post naked pics of myself because I NEED the attention. This commenter was trying to say my behavior has gotten worse since I moved overseas, and my answer to that is, it’s gotten more pronounced because I feel like I have my libido back after not having it for 2 years. This is a blessing to me. My posting photos of myself is not unusual behavior. I have been posting pics since Dec of 2005. When Sylvanus and I created this blog together, he used his photography skills to take pics of the both of us.

I really don’t need to explain my behavior to you or anyone else. Why assume that because I post pics of myself and flirt openly online it means my self esteem is low? Sure, I have the same insecurities as the next woman. I’m a curvy (fat) girl. Does posting pics that openly show I am curvy and receiving positive comments make me feel better? Sure it does. Is it why I do it? No. I just like doing it.

Can my self esteem not be high? Guess what… it is. I feel great about myself. I feel alive. I feel sexual and it’s my choice to publicly be as such. The truth is, if my self esteem were so low as you claim it is, wouldn’t your negative comments really affect me? Wouldn’t I be in a dark place crying a little right now? You are a stranger. I am confident in myself. Your negative comments are taken, processed and tossed aside. I don’t put weight on my negative comments, they mean nothing coming from people who are not part of my real life. On the flip side, I don’t take compliments from strangers seriously. How can I? They are strangers. They could just be “being nice”. I have a hard time accepting genuine comments from people who only know me as online mina. I thank them. They make me smile and I appreciate them. But most of these people don’t know me, the whole package me, nor do I know them. I also don’t know you, so I am not in a position to tell you why it is you feel so negatively about me.

The only thing that matters here is how I feel about myself and how my husband feels about me. I am in a relationship with him, not the internet. Right now, I feel pretty damn good.

I do have to thank you though, negative commenter. You have made me sit back and think about all the times I thought negatively about someone and what they were doing. Making my own assumptions about them before even knowing anything about them. I thank you for making me do a mental check on myself and thus perhaps changing myself into a better person.

You say I’m an attention whore because I post naked pics of myself and write inappropriate things. So be it. The hows and whys don’t matter. I accept your label, just like all the other women (and should also include men) you lump me in with. I’m just going to drop the “attention” part and carry around “whore” for awhile. My husband likes that, it gives him to opportunity to put “cock” in it’s place.

 

You guys rock

Just a quick note from me to you: there is nothing like quite like coming home after a long day and seeing a mountain of comments in the email box, all of them heartwarming and sincere. Every so often people surprise me, and you guys did it in a great way today. Thanks, everyone, it means a lot to me.

my desire

I spend my time weaving webs of smut to ensnare the unsuspecting or the deviant. I religiously click photos to entice the perverse. I even fan my feathers out from time to time, attracting wandering eyes.

Sometimes, in quiet moments.. someone will ask me, “Mina, what is it that YOU desire?”

I don’t desire a lover unmatched by any other. I have found my prince. He makes me feel loved, cherished, beautiful and secure. He is my best friend and my confidant. The companion I choose to have by my side as I walk this short path that we call life. He is my protector. He is my dream come true. He is the lover women dream of and men admirer.

No. What I desire runs down a different path. One dark and twisted. One not poisoned by love. One toxic in it’s own methods. An addiction like one I’ve never known.

I desire a Dominant.

I am his slut, his whore, his submissive, his pet, his servant, his masochist… but I am not his lover. I am all the things to feed into his dark side. No love notes. No flowers. No chocolates. No jewels.

My notes are written in ink, across my tummy in bold letters “whore“.

I get thorns, sharp as needles, to leave marks and stings I will never forget.

My treats come from him, from his fountain. May it be his piss, his semen, maybe at times, even his blood.

My treasures are his collar, my cuffs and his chains.

My body his treasure, my mind his prize. He takes over every free thought I have. The addiction. The itch that begs to be scratched, getting under my skin. Able to command me by written word. His voice wets my cunt. His eyes control my body. I want the mind fuck he possesses. Driving me to the brink of lustful craze. Bordering just on the edge of insanity. Leaving me a breath away from functioning.

Being in his presence, succumbs me to a puddle. I want nothing but to obey. I will take the strike of his hand, flogger, cane, etc. I will thank him for the blades he runs across my skin, the pins that clasp my nipples and crop that stings my backside. Intoxicated. I want nothing but to please him. He will fuck my mouth violently, cutting my air, choking me, gagging me to the brink and then give me back my life. And I will fucking adore him for it.

In return, I get to have him. I get to feel his hands on my skin, they may be violent at times, but in return I get to feel their softness. I get to look into his powerful eyes. I get to suckle his cock. I get to feel it fuck my body, the greatest treasure of them all.

He is my Sir, my Owner, my Dominant, my Daddy, my Sadist… he is my … fantasy.

He…is my desire.