Once upon a time, I struck out a bold position. This blog would be OUR space. We would write what we want, and no person has the right to edit our writing. It’s a great idea while it lasted. Unfortunately, this wonderful policy would slowly, over the crawl of time, accumulate holes in it, like Swiss Cheese, or, as they call it here in Switzerland, cheese. Slowly there accumulates a list of things we don’t write about: toys we don’t like, most other people that we choose to sleep with. As our life and our blog became more “out” we started having even more troubles, and maybe the people we know my see themselves in what we wrote, or, more often, think they saw themselves in what we wrote. Or, other people come into our lives, and ask us not to write about them. We certainly respect that, as well.
But over time, these things start to accumulate. This blog is increasingly about the posts I don’t write:
- The near fling over the summer, and how the long time where things keep getting put off eventually allowed enough time for it to unravel.
- My creeping sense that I can’t be the person I want to be.
- My last real photo shoot, over a year ago, the epic social drama fallout, and how I haven’t had the inspiration to really do another since.
- The new job that taxes me nonstop.
- The drama with my sister at Christmas
When I sit down to write a post, I have this inescapable feeling that it’s time to write, with words almost ready to pour from my fingertips, but somewhere in my head there’s a green-eyeshaded editor telling me that doesn’t go on here now. Truth be told, I only have so many D/s rants in me, and the things that really excite me somehow seem inappropriate now. And, truthfully, there are only so many times you can tell someone to fuck off before people get tired of it.
So…what do you do, dear readers?
Keep writing, thats what I do, even though, like you are things I so desperately want to write about but can’t. For now I have to wait and in the meantime, keep writing, because stopping just doesn’t seem like an option either.
Mollyxxx
I guess the first thing I would do is clearly examine the things I “can’t” write about. If I can’t write about it because it involves a person who asked that I not put it out there or it would hurt or damage another person by putting it out there, then I would write about it privately, unpublished to get it out of me. However, if upon examination I deduced the reason I “couldn’t” write about a subject was because of fear or worry over what someone might think or that my opinion or writing may anger my readers, well then for me personally I would say screw it and put it out there anyway. I write for me. If someone else benefits from or enjoys it great. If they don’t oh well, maybe it will at least spark some thought processing for them! But hey that’s just me!
Personally I think you should just write whatever you want/need to.
While filtering is probably the right thing to do sometimes for your own sanity you have to let rip and get it out there.
I am in a similar position so I understand. I have decided to publish different blogs, with different purposes and not have them open to everyone.
Yes this may be time consuming, but since I primarily write for myself and a small group of people I enjoy exchanging ideas with, the effort will be worth it.
Write what you need to write. Deal with fallout as it arises. Apologize, if necessary or if wanted.
The world is about risk…you of all people know this, considering that you are writing and reading this post from Switzerland.
Sylvanus, you have never been one to hold back but just know that what you write is not always read with the same emotions or intentions from which it was written…so write…but re-read, ask Mina to re-read before you hit publish to ensure that the apology won’t be needed. Its like tweets…sometimes a story is just that…a 140-character story -nothing more, nothing less. Heck I think everyone hates me by their tweets half the time.
Some stories are nice to read, to see it from someone else’s vantage points.
If a blog is working well, it no longer belongs only to the people who write it. Blogs become a dialog between the readers and writers. They also become a mirror that the writers hold up to themselves.
It seems to me that you orginally wanted a space to be yourselves and you wanted that space to be public. You wanted to explain yourselves to yourselves and share your understanding with others.
The process of explaining ourselves to ourselves, of creating a narrative of who we are and what that means and how we feel about it, is always at some level a fiction we write for ourselves. The more compelling that fiction is, the more it will attract a readership.
It sounds as though you’ve reached a point where there is a conflict between the fiction you have created about yourselves with your readership and the selves that you need to explore through a personal narrative.
Perhaps this blog has served its purpose for you. You’ve said what you needed to say to understand this aspect of your lives.
It seems that blogging, or at least journaling, still appeals to you as a way of increasing your understanding of the experiences that matter to you in your day to day life.
Perhaps you should set this blog aside, or narrow your expectations of what you bring to it and what you get from it.
Perhaps you should start a new blog to allow you to have a discourse with yourselves. Perhaps you need to reflect on who you want to share that discourse with and why
its your blog
write what is in your heart
turn off the comments
and not worry about what others think
what counts is what you and your beloved thinks
I haven’t written in my known-by-my-family-and-friends personal blog for well over 6 months, IIRC, and before then, perhaps another 6 months previously. This is because most of the things about which I’ve wanted to write are either NSFW, feelings about my family that would be inflammatory, or things that I feel are not the business of the general public and most friends I know IRL.
This is why I now maintain at least two other anonymous blogs, that almost no one I know IRL knows about, that deal with specific parts of my life I’d prefer to keep somewhat private. If you don’t already do this, perhaps it would be a good idea.
Writing about the things we need to deal with can be cathartic and valuable therapy. Don’t miss out on that because you’re rightfully afraid of the blacklash from those who have become more known to you.
I’ve had similar problems with twitter, and to a lesser extent, my blog. It’s easy at first, because your virtual persona is disconected from most people’s reality; you can write whatever you want. But as your life in this aspect becomes more and more entwined with real people, the things you can write about withour ramifications begins to shrink. After a while you start wondering if you should set up a *third* persona so that you nave an outlet for talking about the second. And some people do.
I have no clear answer, save that writing *is* an important outlet, it’s worth working a little harder to make sure you do find a way to make it work.
I really haven’t looked into my options thoroughly. Can you filter stuff for just you two to read or maybe select friends? Or maybe just a journal that is totally anonymous, which, ya know, I wouldn’t know anything about. ;-)