As referenced by my darling wife earlier, the extraordinarily erudite erotic editrix (and former “neighbor” of ours), AV Flox posted an unusually insightful article about what it takes to actually merit her sexual attention – and a lot of it fixates on the really stupid things that people do that every good lover would know better than. While, honestly, she was probably better served to keep that list quiet (why give away your secrets to the horde of men out there, one or two of which are probably a little resourceful) it has generated a lot of healthy talk, and inspired me to put together my own counterpart.

I put this list together, because I think that one of my strongest traits, as a blogger, a dominant, and a lover is knowing who to keep OUT of my life. Of course, I need to put my big asterisk in now: Like AV, and like Mina, I enjoy the privilege of being picky, for the simple reason that Mina never tells me “no.” Literally, if I woke her at four in the morning because I wanted to fuck her – she would wake up and get on her knees or back (as I wished) and we would have a moaning good time. So, for me, i never have sex because i’m just generally horny. Something about that person has to make me want it – with them. With that in mind, I offer this advice as a way to help someone truly stand out as a lover for any man, and not just conform themselves to fit my unique tastes.

1. Being hot is not enough.

There is exactly one class of women I will fuck on looks alone: those that look like my ex-wife (count so far: 0). And they will get fucked so hard that they will have a new gait for days. Everyone else, I’m happy for you, but looks alone are not going to do it. in fact, that leads to my next item:

2. Don’t make me compete for your attention.

Let’s be clear: I am not saying that you need to be waiting with baited breath for the next time “Sylvanus” pops up on your phone’s alert window. (Actually, that will bug the hell out of me, too.) If you only have time for me the second Tuesday of months that end in “y,” that’s fine, if I know what the deal is. But when I get your attention, I want all of it. (or, if we’re on instant messenger or some internet protocol, I want to feel like I do.) If you want to flirt it up with some other guys (and we are not working up a threesome), no problem, go do that. But don’t expect me to preen and put on a show for you to get you to focus on me. Just engage me, and only me. I won’t waste your time, I promise. If you need to have a meaningful talk, want to gossip, or have a great fuck in mind, it’s all good – but let’s do it. If I don’t merit your full attention, then it’s probably not worth pursuing anyway.

3. Just a little bit of respect, please.

Again, I don’t want or need to be your whole world. But the second you make me feel like I was just an easy pull, or you feel like you are getting me “just because you can,” I’m done. There is one simple level of respect I need – the idea that you want me, specifically; after all if we are getting together, it’s because there’s something about you that makes me want you.

This is where Twitter nukes a lot of people. When your timeline is you endlessly flirting it up publicly with a bunch of guys I know can barely drool down and not up, or have anatomical names – I’m not proud to meet your standards. The woman who is clearly new to the internet and amazed at how there are men she can just play with, and is plowing through the phone book – keep on plowing without me. Those oh-so-hott pics you emailed me, seeing them on your public timeline and men drooling over you – means you’ll have lots more time to be drooled on.

And yes – I do judge you based on the other people you flirt with. There are men out there that seeing you flirt with will absolutely turn me off.

4. Repetition is poison.

This goes double, nay quadruple, for cyber. As soon as you stop surprising me, you are turning off the oxygen in our relationship. Now, granted, if our chemistry in bed is that fucking hot…well…I might endure some highly sweaty repetition for a while. But, in the end, I want to know you are thinking the same thing I will be – “What can we try NEXT?” Yes, I know we just tore some vocal cords from the screaming last time we did tried that. Well done. Let’s find more fun to have.

5. Don’t brag about your skills.

Don’t tell me you give the best blowjobs. Don’t tell me how much you love to swallow my cum, or how tight your pussy is. And let me show you why:

I have an amazing cock – it is the right side of thick where it’s extra pleasing but not damaging; the right length where I can hurt you a little if I try just so, but a normal romp is perfectly safe and pleasurable; a subtle upward curve; and just about perfect symmetry and shape. This was something I didn’t realize till Mina and I played with a few couples and I saw some more men in bed (and how their wives reacted to me): I really, really, have a model-perfect cock. No exageration, no lie. Ask anyone who’s seen or felt it.

Do you want to fuck me now? Huh…why didn’t that work?

Okay – to stop being pedantic for moment: The other thing is that when you talk about things you are good at – you almost certainly don’t “get” what I look for in a lover: chemistry. The mechanics do not impress me.

6. Don’t be cheating.

Before you think I am moralizing, let me be clear: I have no problem with you cheating on your spouse. That’s between you two, and I know that I don’t know what your situation is and how it is or is not justified. Adultery changed my life vastly for the better, and gave me a way out of my soul-crushing first marriage. Really – there is no judgment here.

I am not worried about an enraged cuckold coming after me. Again, that’s between you two. What I do know is that an adulterer will not meet my emotional and intellectual needs as a lover.

7. Be honest.

I’ve said it a few times. I don’t need to be your one and only. I don’t need you saving certain acts for me. You’re not my wife, so you don’t have to pretend to like things you don’t, and if I’m not giving it to you how you want, say so. Believe me – I don’t make time for you so we can have some mediocre thrusting. I take a lot of pride in being an amazing lover, of bringing an intense, complete focus to be that lets me be a seemingly telepathic companion, and of being someone that keeps you coming back. So, if I am anywhere short of that – I want to know.

When reading over this, I realize there are a lot of reactions. Some people will suddenly feel super-special to have had me (or to have earned an invitation). Some will dismiss me as impossibly arrogant. Most people will look at this and realize they are not right for me: and they’re right. Most people aren’t. But I don’t want to fuck most people. I just want to fuck the best ones – but I have a wife that lets me be picky.

When you think about this as applied to your life, I hope you do it through the lens of what your amazing lovers have been like, and I hope you find yourself nodding as you do. And, if so, hopefully you will get to spend more time bending the psychic planes of the ether, and less washing away the shame.

11 Responses to Cockworthy

  1. Ava says:

    I completely understand having priorities and standards, I guess I am confused about the ex-wife comment though. Was she THAT hot? What makes her the stand alone example for fucking purely on looks? I guess I’m just sensitive. I’d be pissed if Simon said that about his ex.

    • Mina says:


      I’m confused by it as well and my husband went to bed before I could ask. The first time I read it I thought it said “my wife” not “ex wife”. What I am guessing he is saying, and he will correct me, is that he would fuck a woman purely if she looked like his ex, because he was never able to EVER really fuck his ex. She was not HOT. He would fuck a woman so hard because he never got to fuck her and so would take it all out on said woman who looked like her and make sure she couldn’t walk the next day. But, I could be wrong.

      • Sylvanus says:


        No corrections are needed. You understood me correctly.

        And were i meet to someone who looks like you – they would obviously be attractive to me but i have done everything i have ever wanted to do to the person who looks like that. So the rest of the post applies.


    • Sylvanus says:


      The comment about my ex- has nothing to with my ex- being really hot. Or even hot. (Mina has met her, incidentally.) it has everything to do with a whole boatload of resentment, wasted years of my life, and memories of a wasted honeymoon.

      So, what i was saying, in my roundabout way, is that there no person on earth so hot i would HAVE to fuck her by the pure force of her hotness.


  2. Jade James says:

    Thanks for your insight and perspective…and although I agree with most of what you highlight as the makings of a great lover (or cockworthy) I think that it doesnt end with those for me.

    When I think back to those precious few who have been my ‘great lovers’, it has partly to do with the fact that I am also picky but also with how the experience ended. Like most great things in life, it is not just how I feel about the person ‘in the moment’ or the build up to when I finally am with a lover in the flesh but also with how I feel once it has ended. Yes, they have all come to an end for some reason on another but it is how the lover and I interacted as it ended in the weeks and months to follow…did they still make me feel special, was I made to feel like a blip in their life or ‘timeline’, do we speak or have they moved on to the next person, are we still kind to each other, do they still care about me, my life, my mind?

    I had this kind of lover…interestingly enough an older man that I met on twitter…I would refer to him often in my timeline as ‘Mr James’. We flirted, he intriqued me, challenged my mind and my opinions. Pervy DMs led to emails and sexchatting on IM, evenutally webcamming till the day we met and inbetween our limited flesh time. Our encounters were brief but the sexual openess and intensity was something I have yet to match with anyone. It was explosive yet tender, dirty yet respectful (my gait changed but it was from the assfucking he gave me on several occasions!).

    Our relationship came to an end, it was inevitable and mutually agreed upon. But what makes Mr James and our time together (almost a year) so special was that he and I still communicate by email or phone…not often but the genuine caring we had/have for each other is still evident. When two of my family members passed away this summer, he was there…as best he could since he lives in the US. Even though we have not been physically sexual since March, I could hear his sweet support in his voice. It made me instantly want to be in his arms, in his bed, he in me.

    That is what makes him a great lover.

    • Mina says:

      Absolutely true… since Sylvanus and I are still “new” to all of this, we are still yet to find those people who stay in contact with us for years to come. So for us, the experience has been bittersweet as we have watched people enter and go. Some understandably and others were jerks. As more time passes and we meet new people, we will be able to add to this list, but for now, it’s still based on who we are looking for and the first few weeks of interaction. I hope one day we can both get past this stage.

    • Sylvanus says:

      :-) i am always happy to hear someone else talk about their great relationships.

      This list is not meant to be all-inclusive (is any list like ever so?), but it does give several “known disaster” cases where i will lose interest in a person with maximum prejudice. True magic, as we all know, takes a lot more than “not stepping on the land mines.”

  3. I have always been in monogamous relationships and my Master has been poly for over 29 years before He met me. Since we have been together, He hasn’t been with anyone else but He wants to have a threesome with me and another woman.

    I have never been with another woman before which is probably why He wants that, lol. When I read your post I was struck with two things. In the beginning of our relationship, I was terrified that He would “cheat” on me. (bad past with men…blah blah, you know the drill. grin) but seriously I was scared.

    Over the 10 months we’ve been together, I have given everything over to Him, and I know in my heart that if He wanted to be with anyone else, I will support that decision. I want Him to be happy, I want Him to realize His fantasies, even if that means not with me.

    We are long distance currently, but are working to move to be together soon. Whenever we have been together, I am the same way you describe your wife to be. Never saying no. I LOVE it when He wakes me up at all hours just to have me suck His cock or to fuck me.

    Thanks for your post. It was interesting reading this from the male point of view. I feel to some extent I may understand my Master better. :)

  4. Jade James says:

    I remember when my relationship opened…it was under different circumstances and I was at it alone. I remember feeling like a kid in a candy store…I had all the freedoms I had as a teenager but with the self-confidence that comes with being over 30 years in this body and a realization that I could be sexual. I would give myself completely into a new relationship, only to be briken hearted (like a teenager) over and over…every time a little bit of me was lost. Then I realized that I was slowly losing my own self-respect by trying so hard to give respect to the other. Mr James showed me that…he showed me that I was the one who should be getting the respect and that I needed to show them how to respect me by the way I respect myself. I am a ‘priveledge’ to have in their bed, an ‘honour’ to have had time sharing my flesh…

    sounded so cocky…conceited at the time but in hindsight, he was right. Since him, I have been very selective in whom I choose to spend time with…I test them (to a degree), challenge them, and push them…but that is only because I know that if they are still around, and I am still around then they will have the support of a stupidly loyal friend and the devotion of a woman that wants only their ultimate happiness…and that never changes.

    Its a big deal to be a great lover…and to give ‘a great love’.

  5. Jenni says:

    ~smiles a little~ Thank you.

  6. [...] To Get A Sex Blogger To Have Sex With You: Mina adds her two scents as a sex blogger. What Makes Someone Cockworthy: Sylvanus offers his take as a man on what makes someone worthy of his cock. [...]

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