the great tease of 2010

First off, let me say that this post is written with Sylvanus’s encouragement and approval. Silly to say, I know, since I am posting this on OUR blog, but I thought I’d throw it out there.

7 days ago, Sylvanus told me he has masturbated for the last time. He decided he was going to save himself for his return to me. So, I decided to do the same. There will be no orgasms for me till he returns, but above that, I will not be putting anything larger than 1 finger inside my cunt. I also want to keep myself nice and tight for him. My cunt is a beautiful thing and will get very tight when it hasn’t seen a cock in a few days. It’s been very difficult these last few days not being able to cum or shove a dildo and fill my cunt. However, my ass does not need to be neglected. In fact, the more I use my ass, the better for Sylvanus. I hope to fuck myself with my largest dildo before he returns home.

So, why am I telling you all this? Why is this post talking about a tease?

I am probably very crazy or a genius, but here goes… I want you to tease me… that’s right you. I want to be so hot and wet and aching for a good fuck when Sylvanus comes home on Thursday night. What’s worse is, that there is nothing I can do about it till he gets home.. no matter how hot I get for you all I can do is fuck myself in the ass, or finger my cunt and just be your whore.

So how would I like you to tease me? Any way you like of course… you can send me naughty DMs over twitter, you can send me naughty emails, dirty IMs. Want to send me pics? Go right on ahead. Send me a piece of erotica? Oh yes…. The possibilities are endless really. Some of you may turn me on so much that you will also get pics in return. For those who really “rub” me the right way, I may choose to take things beyond written words. **Please respect that I have the right to pick and choose whom I go farther with**. I’m hoping that I will be begging by the end of the 3 days to Sylvanus to allow me to come for you. Who knows… if we hit it off just right, maybe Sylvanus and I will send you a special something once he returns.. or invite you to join us via cam… but I am getting ahead of myself here… see… I’m already getting excited and hot… and… crazy.

So there you have it… my email is mydesireblog on gmail. My twitter is mydesire

Ladies, this call goes out to you as well… though I will be completely honest. Maybe because I have been without Sylvanus’s cock for so long, I am really craving a good hard cock more than anything… but that doesn’t mean you and I can’t make a connection as well. *wink*

Anyone wishing to get a little creative in your teasing with me and wants to put something together… my husband can be reached at bishop.sylvanus on gmail.

Happy Teasing everyone… now go forth and make me ache! *wink*

Oh and don’t forget that I have been writing some delicious erotica. Maybe it will inspire you as well.

Cockworthy

As referenced by my darling wife earlier, the extraordinarily erudite erotic editrix (and former “neighbor” of ours), AV Flox posted an unusually insightful article about what it takes to actually merit her sexual attention – and a lot of it fixates on the really stupid things that people do that every good lover would know better than. While, honestly, she was probably better served to keep that list quiet (why give away your secrets to the horde of men out there, one or two of which are probably a little resourceful) it has generated a lot of healthy talk, and inspired me to put together my own counterpart.

I put this list together, because I think that one of my strongest traits, as a blogger, a dominant, and a lover is knowing who to keep OUT of my life. Of course, I need to put my big asterisk in now: Like AV, and like Mina, I enjoy the privilege of being picky, for the simple reason that Mina never tells me “no.” Literally, if I woke her at four in the morning because I wanted to fuck her – she would wake up and get on her knees or back (as I wished) and we would have a moaning good time. So, for me, i never have sex because i’m just generally horny. Something about that person has to make me want it – with them. With that in mind, I offer this advice as a way to help someone truly stand out as a lover for any man, and not just conform themselves to fit my unique tastes.

1. Being hot is not enough.

There is exactly one class of women I will fuck on looks alone: those that look like my ex-wife (count so far: 0). And they will get fucked so hard that they will have a new gait for days. Everyone else, I’m happy for you, but looks alone are not going to do it. in fact, that leads to my next item:

2. Don’t make me compete for your attention.

Let’s be clear: I am not saying that you need to be waiting with baited breath for the next time “Sylvanus” pops up on your phone’s alert window. (Actually, that will bug the hell out of me, too.) If you only have time for me the second Tuesday of months that end in “y,” that’s fine, if I know what the deal is. But when I get your attention, I want all of it. (or, if we’re on instant messenger or some internet protocol, I want to feel like I do.) If you want to flirt it up with some other guys (and we are not working up a threesome), no problem, go do that. But don’t expect me to preen and put on a show for you to get you to focus on me. Just engage me, and only me. I won’t waste your time, I promise. If you need to have a meaningful talk, want to gossip, or have a great fuck in mind, it’s all good – but let’s do it. If I don’t merit your full attention, then it’s probably not worth pursuing anyway.

3. Just a little bit of respect, please.

Again, I don’t want or need to be your whole world. But the second you make me feel like I was just an easy pull, or you feel like you are getting me “just because you can,” I’m done. There is one simple level of respect I need – the idea that you want me, specifically; after all if we are getting together, it’s because there’s something about you that makes me want you.

This is where Twitter nukes a lot of people. When your timeline is you endlessly flirting it up publicly with a bunch of guys I know can barely drool down and not up, or have anatomical names – I’m not proud to meet your standards. The woman who is clearly new to the internet and amazed at how there are men she can just play with, and is plowing through the phone book – keep on plowing without me. Those oh-so-hott pics you emailed me, seeing them on your public timeline and men drooling over you – means you’ll have lots more time to be drooled on.

And yes – I do judge you based on the other people you flirt with. There are men out there that seeing you flirt with will absolutely turn me off.

4. Repetition is poison.

This goes double, nay quadruple, for cyber. As soon as you stop surprising me, you are turning off the oxygen in our relationship. Now, granted, if our chemistry in bed is that fucking hot…well…I might endure some highly sweaty repetition for a while. But, in the end, I want to know you are thinking the same thing I will be – “What can we try NEXT?” Yes, I know we just tore some vocal cords from the screaming last time we did tried that. Well done. Let’s find more fun to have.

5. Don’t brag about your skills.

Don’t tell me you give the best blowjobs. Don’t tell me how much you love to swallow my cum, or how tight your pussy is. And let me show you why:

I have an amazing cock – it is the right side of thick where it’s extra pleasing but not damaging; the right length where I can hurt you a little if I try just so, but a normal romp is perfectly safe and pleasurable; a subtle upward curve; and just about perfect symmetry and shape. This was something I didn’t realize till Mina and I played with a few couples and I saw some more men in bed (and how their wives reacted to me): I really, really, have a model-perfect cock. No exageration, no lie. Ask anyone who’s seen or felt it.

Do you want to fuck me now? Huh…why didn’t that work?

Okay – to stop being pedantic for moment: The other thing is that when you talk about things you are good at – you almost certainly don’t “get” what I look for in a lover: chemistry. The mechanics do not impress me.

6. Don’t be cheating.

Before you think I am moralizing, let me be clear: I have no problem with you cheating on your spouse. That’s between you two, and I know that I don’t know what your situation is and how it is or is not justified. Adultery changed my life vastly for the better, and gave me a way out of my soul-crushing first marriage. Really – there is no judgment here.

I am not worried about an enraged cuckold coming after me. Again, that’s between you two. What I do know is that an adulterer will not meet my emotional and intellectual needs as a lover.

7. Be honest.

I’ve said it a few times. I don’t need to be your one and only. I don’t need you saving certain acts for me. You’re not my wife, so you don’t have to pretend to like things you don’t, and if I’m not giving it to you how you want, say so. Believe me – I don’t make time for you so we can have some mediocre thrusting. I take a lot of pride in being an amazing lover, of bringing an intense, complete focus to be that lets me be a seemingly telepathic companion, and of being someone that keeps you coming back. So, if I am anywhere short of that – I want to know.

—

When reading over this, I realize there are a lot of reactions. Some people will suddenly feel super-special to have had me (or to have earned an invitation). Some will dismiss me as impossibly arrogant. Most people will look at this and realize they are not right for me: and they’re right. Most people aren’t. But I don’t want to fuck most people. I just want to fuck the best ones – but I have a wife that lets me be picky.

When you think about this as applied to your life, I hope you do it through the lens of what your amazing lovers have been like, and I hope you find yourself nodding as you do. And, if so, hopefully you will get to spend more time bending the psychic planes of the ether, and less washing away the shame.

“How To Get A Sex Blogger To Have Sex With You”

“How to get a sex blogger to have sex with you (or “why I am not fucking you”)”

Every once in awhile a post comes out that cannot be ignored. AvFlox has written such a post. I encourage everyone who *thinks* they know what a sex blogger is all about to read it.

I’m a sex blogger. That means I write about sex. Does that mean I have sex? If I write about it in a non-fiction publication, then you can safely infer that yes, I do. Does that mean I will have sex with you? No, it does not.

If you infer that I must enjoy sex because I write about it favorably, you’re correct: I do. This does not mean necessarily that I have it randomly. It just means I have good sex. In my experience, having good sex is more than being good at sex – it’s about picking suitable partners. That means that I have a very precise vetting process for potential partners.

Thus, messaging me proclaiming you want to fuck me will not result in me replying in the affirmative.

You may feel very close with me because of how much I share about myself, but do note that this is a one-sided relationship. My interaction is with a screen and keyboard, not with you. So while you feel you know me, I do not know you at all.

Read this post in it’s entirety here

The post is both entertaining and insightful. The above quoted portion is one that rings true with me. Even though I am a sex blogger and enjoy sex and fucking, it does not mean I enjoy doing it with EVERYONE I see. I think men automatically assume I want to fuck and cyber with every man that says hello. I still have standards and I have preferences. Though I don’t have a physical “type” of man, I enjoy my men to be creative, intelligent and masters of the written word. They have to take care of themselves and look good to me.

I am a sex blogger, but I am not here for your entertainment. I allow you to read and see the most intimate parts of my life. I enjoy sharing these parts of me, as it makes me feel free and has helped many in the process. You are not entitled to fucking me. You are not entitled to cyber with me and you certainly are not entitled to expect me to post pictures of myself at your whim. Especially when there are hundreds already posted on this very blog.

Those I choose to get to know on a more intimate level are special to me and I hope they feel special as well. I am picky because I feel I am worthy of quality lovers. You won’t see me hitting up every man that comments on this blog or talks to me on twitter. Though publicly I flirt with many, there are few I take into my “bedroom”.

I am a strong, intelligent, independent and attractive woman who does not blog because she feels insecure and needs the attention. I’m just a happy person, loving my life and I enjoy talking about it, especially since my love life ventures more into the unconventional. It’s good to have a voice and hear the voices, opinions and advice of others.

You think you know a sex blogger… but do you really? We all have our reasons for being here. Don’t assume you know what mine is.

it’s time for an update

It’s been awhile since you’ve heard me say anything about my outside relationships. The reason for that is, well, there isn’t anything to say.

Daddy and I have come to an agreement that it just wasn’t working. I think it had a lot to do with the distance that separated us. I’ve come to acknowledge that I need a Daddy/Dom to be a little “local”. They don’t have to be local that I can see them everyday. I’m thinking they just need to be local enough that we can see each other at least once a month. This does mean that someone can be across the states, but they would also have to have the ability to see me once a month.

There were other things that weren’t working with Daddy and I. Time was not on our side and neither was life. Being in separate time zones made matching schedules difficult. Life is just a little busy for the both of us. We have always agreed to remain friends and I still find myself wanting to call him Daddy even if we aren’t actively pursuing that relationship. Truth is, he will always be Daddy to me and I will always be his princess.

Things with Edward and I have also come to an end. Yeah, I am still trying to believe it myself. The night before I left to come home from Switzerland, I received an email from Edward. The subject line told me not to read it till I got home to NY. Who really listens to that anyway? In it, simply put, he was telling me he needed to withdraw himself and focus on his personal matters. I wonder had I not gone to Switzerland if the outcome would have been the same? He and I did still keep in touch while I was away. I made sure not to disappear on him.

I haven’t heard from Edward in more than a week. I’m giving him his space as he said he needed to take it. It’s not my place to say what is going on in his life. He has is own personal pains. That’s enough to say. It has resulted in him choosing to withdraw from me. Today, I have discovered that he closed his twitter and fetlife account. It just made things incredibly sad. I met him because of twitter. On Fetlife, I was blessed with his erotic images. It’s a little sad knowing I can’t log in and see him.

Edward, if you are out there:

"No matter how down you feel or how unloved you believe you are, remember that to someone you are a treasure…..and are adored!"

It is difficult thinking back to where Edward and I were just a few weeks ago and where we are now. He made me feel giddy and excited and I started day dreaming like a silly little girl again. I knew I was moving a little fast and perhaps getting in front of myself. With Edward, it just felt right. It felt right because he made me feel like he felt the same way. I got to talk to him on the phone ,the one and only time, the night before I left the country.  I will always think back to him fondly and cherish all the things he ever said to me. Maybe one day he will come back. I am not sure how I will react. The damage is done and now my wall is up. I am down about how things have turned out and I am once again frustrated. It’s time I take the advice I am giving to others. The right person is out there, but I need to stop looking. Eventually the right person will come along. Trying to force it to happen will just result in more frustration. I wasn’t “looking” for Edward, but he caught my eye and I “pounced”. Perhaps it’s time I just start being the “lady”. It would be nice to be pursued for a change and have the other person tell me how they would like things to go instead of me jumping ahead of myself and making hints of where I want them to go.

hnt~ 7

This weeks HNT is brought to you by the number 7. As in 7 days till Sylvanus comes back home to the US! For those of you who don’t know… he’s been gone for 2 months! Of course, I was blessed with a trip out to see him not long ago.

It’s also 7 as in the Seven Seas… best displayed by my lovely Nipple Embracer Nipple Shield, given to me by NippleCharms after winning a little twitter contest! Check out their entire site they have lots to offer!

*click for detail*

Sylvanus’s Guide to Switzerland, Part 2

Now that i’ve taken some time to explain the basics of Switzerland as a whole, i wanted to take some moments to suggest some places i know and love going to.

Favorite Resort – Zermatt

You know why you go to Zermatt. Because of me, the fuckin’ Matterhorn. That’s right, i’m not “Mount Matterhorn.” i’m not “Matterhorn.” The-space-fuckin’-space-Matterhorn. No one named me after some surveyor, or presidential candidate with currency issues, or a Battleship move. No. You know why? Because i am that fucking badass. i am the most badass fucking mountain in the whole fucking world, and that’s why you can only call me The Fuckin’ Matterhorn. Fuckin’ Walt Disney wanted to make a ride of me, but had to calm me down so the kids wouldn’t crawl back inside their mommies. You know how many of the “great peaks” in the Alps they climbed first? All of them. Because you don’t fuck with me; i’m The Fuckin’ Matterhorn.

Zermatt is located in the southwestern edge of Switzerland, deep in the Alps. Going there feels like a journey itself. The First stop is Visp, reached either by the less-scenic train from Bern that goes by Lake Thun before taking a tunnel, or the more-scenic train from Lausanne that follows the Rhone valley. Then you switch to a special hybrid cogwheel train that takes you on a slow, hour-long mission into the wilderness to Zermatt. This trip crosses over a hundred bridges, up several climbs, and journey down an impossibly deep and severe valley. You help feeling you’ve left the entire world behind. Then you leave your train…and it’s Disneyland. Tons of tourists everywhere, taking photos, and souvenier shops selling everything at 50%-over-Swiss-price markups. The city is crammed full of five-story chalets and narrow streets along a milky river. So, why go there? Oh, right,

The Fuckin’ Matterhorn

There are no words for the majesty of this mountain as it looms over you from miles away. The town of Zermatt does not permit gas-powered vehicles, to keep the air clean, so horse-drawn carriages and electric carts keep your views pristine. There are a host of trains and lifts to take you to different vantage points. We recommend Gornergrat, the largest “all Swiss” mountain that happens to be adjacent, accessible by a tough hike or another cogwheel train. During the Summer, Zermatt provides amazing hiking and views, and in the winter it is a ski paradise. attractions abound, and the locale’s natural beauty is simply impossible to match. While prices are sky-high, there is nothing quite like it.

Favorite Shopping – Bern

This is how it is. You take the train to Bern. Leave the train station, following the big wavy bus shelter. Take a left. Then, just walk, man. Just walk.

Where you find yourself are the Bern Arcades. The two streets that go from the train station to the bend in the Aare river are lined with arcaded buildings that provide miles of stores both at street level and underground. You’ll find a mix of international chains and local shops, all under cover, rain or shine. The larger cross-streets are filled daily with open markets where you can buy strange and amazing foods, hemp gear, and who knows what else. All of this surrounds the capital building, and it ends are the magnificient Aare gorge, which also adjoins a bear preserve (hence the town’s name and crest). There are literally hours of shopping to do here. And, if it was not impressive enough, this district is actually a UNESCO World Heritage Site. Let’s see your mall do that.

Most Beautiful City – Lucerne

Look. There aren’t ugly cities in Switzerland. Even my least favorite city, Zurich, ain’t ugly – it’s just not beautiful. The Swiss take care of their country. But, there has to be a first place, and that belongs to Lucerne. What makes this city stand out is not just the magnificent setting on Lake Lucerne, which is wrapped in mountains.

Nor is it the beautiful architecture,

the famous Chapel Bridge,

or the many buildings with murals on them in the many plazas in the old city,

or the ultramodern art museum and it’s fountain,

or the arcades along the river full of dozens of swans

…it’s all of it.

Best Dining – Neuchatel

Neuchatel is situated in the western silver of Switzerland, and part of the narrow French-speaking region. As you can tell from the coat-of-arms, it also draws a heavy influence from its southern neighbor, italy. Now, while i strongly considered Basel, which closely adjoins France as well, Basel is also close to Germany, which culturally dominates much of the country. This leads to one Sylvanus’s key rules of cuisine: German food sucks. (Okay, not ALL German food, of course. But you can generally be safe betting against meat lumps and onion sauce.) Neuchatel pulls together a lot of the best of everything, and it’s old downtown area features about six different restaurants in one gigantic plaza that seem to spill all over each other, and are all exemplary. Travel away from the plaza, and there are no mistakes to bed had. Food here is uniformly fresh, fragrant and delicious. At the same time, Neuchatel is small enough a town that you aren’t suffering from the insanity of a bigger city (looking at you, Geneva), and you can enjoy your wonderful meal in a relaxed setting.

Best Zoo – Zurich

Zurich is the worst city in Switzerland to just go to for a visit. The pace of life is insane, costs are high, it’s spread out, and there’s nothing great to look at. But, for specific attractions, many of them are the best in the country. So it is with zoo. The Zurich Zoo enjoys tremendous support from the city and canton, compared to it’s American counterparts, and it shows. First and foremost: they built a fucking rain forest. As in, they put up a gigantic greenhouse bigger than several football fields and re-created an entire rain forest in there. As of this writing, they are halfway to funding a CHF30 million elephant habitat/paradise. Their primate exhibit could knock out hours of your day. The zoo is absolutely tremendous – and they are building a new Amazon section as i write this. While some of the exhibits still date back to the times when zoos were caged menageries, the overwhelming selection of habitats represent the best of zoos in the world do. Additionally, they also sprinkle a few fantastic animal-themed playgrounds throughout the zoo to help wear out the kids.

Oh, and on cold days, the rain forest is especially popular.

Favorite drive – Thun-interlaken-Lucerne

One day, you’ll decide to ignore my advice and have a car there. it happens. So you decide, you have the wheels, where to? Well, i have an answer for that, too. Drive to Thun, then take the road on the north side of the lake (not the autobahn on the south side).

Oh, and have a convertible, and a friend. Drive all the way to, and through interlaken, then take the Brunig pass to Lucerne. Then swap positions, let the friend drive back so you can look.

Pacific Coast Highway, eat your heart out.

Favorite All-Around City: Basel

This category had to be created, because Basel was #2 in about four of these categories (zoo, dining, beauty, shopping). Set right where Germany, France, and Switzerland meet at the Rhine River, Basel enjoys a uniquely mixed and long history. Originally a convenient place to build bridges and where the Bishop kept his office (thus the Bishop’s crook in the coat-of-arms), Basel is the site of the oldest university in Europe Switzerland. The University has an enormous and ancient arts program, so the city enjoys a great street music scene. The University is also a prominent medical school, and the city is home to several drug companies. The Rhine riverfront provides a great selection of places to eat,

and there is a wealth of public art

and old buildings to see.

Lastly, the downtown Marktplatz by town hall provides some of everything. The tallest building in Switzerland is on the East side of the river, and the top floor features Bar Rouge, which own the most spectacular place to take a piss in the whole world, offering a 30-story high view of three countries as you answer nature’s call.

Basel, also, is surprisingly a port city, and you can see the many stacked up shipping containers waiting to be floated down the Rhine. The Rhine is equally open to people floating down, and small, floating orange bags for your valuables are available for purchase. And, when all the Swiss-ness is too much, you can walk to France…and walk to Germany. There is really no way to go wrong.

wet

Lately, the subject of being wet has been on my mind these days. It seems today, it has come up in conversation among many people. So today is as good a day as any to discuss the subject of women and being wet.

Let’s face it, men are visual creatures. A woman’s physical wetness is visible proof of her arousal. An unmistakable, unfakeable sign that she is “hot to trot”.

When dealing with other men, specifically those I have cybered with, I get asked the same questions by every single one… “Are you wet?” “How wet are you?” “Is it soaking your panties?” “Is it dripping down your legs?” When talking with other women, I get assaulted with “I get so fucking wet, I have to change my panties.” “When I get really wet, it drips down my thighs.” “Damn I have to change the sheets.”

Now that I have every man (and/or woman salivating) let me take the left turn.

I get to feeling quite inadequate. You see… I do not get this wet. When highly aroused I get wet enough that lube is not required for sex, but it never “soaks my panties” or “drips down my legs”. (I know, I’ve ruined every body’s fantasy of me). Fuck reality. I am a woman and sometimes men’s perceptions of reality are a little skewed.

Am I really sad that I don’t get as wet as some women? NO. Do I really believe I am any less of a woman? Absolutely not. It’s just something that shakes you up a bit. Like comparing weight, breast size and firmness of ass, a woman’s sexuality is threatened by how her body responds and what the “stereotyped” man desires. Every woman is different. Some women get insanely wet and some barely get wet. It’s life, it’s biology, and as a woman ages, it changes. Even as a woman is having sex for hours it changes. There comes a point where the fountain drys up.

If I were really concerned about my wetness, there are plenty of supplements and topicals to help with that. One in particular that I have tried and really works for me is the Shunga Female Orgasm Enhancing Cream . When applied, this product actually does make me wet. It stimulates my body to produce more wetness. Not sure if I would say it actually enhances my orgasm, but it certainly does make me a LOT wetter.

While we are on the subject of wetness, let’s discuss squirting. Literally, not too long ago, female ejaculation was still considered taboo and disgusting by many. (and perhaps it still is, but I’ve been seeing a change) Women who ejaculated were made to feel ashamed and would often forgo having an orgasm for fear of making a mess or grossing her lover out. People naively thought female’s who ejaculated were peeing. She was made to feel like a freak. We know now that is not true. It’s thought that perhaps porn has sped up the acceptance and interest in female ejaculation… so much so.. that now many men are becoming, I don’t want to say “obsessed”, but highly driven to make women squirt and one of the main reasons is.. it’s proof that she had an orgasm. You can’t fake a squirt. Well men, most women (if not all) can have the ability to ejaculate, but not all of us do it easily or every time we orgasm. So you can’t go around thinking you are going to be able to have this fake proof method with all of us ladies. You are disappointing yourselves and us. Some women are blessed with squirting and even that is different with all women. Some women squirt so hard and so much, they hit the adjacent wall and/or flood the bed. Others just have a nice warm gush of fluid that leave a small puddle. I for one, have never ejaculated. I would like to and know I have the ability to. Instead, my fake proof method IS my orgasm. I can’t fake that. Trust me. If I orgasm, YOU will know it. If there is one thing I am proud of, it’s my very strong muscles. When I have an orgasm they are insane.

So men, this physical “proof ” you seek is denying you so much more to observe! Maybe my husband is an excellent lover (ok he is), but he is this way because he is extremely observant and responsive to a woman. He knows when I am getting closer to orgasm. He hears it in my voice and he feels it in my muscles. He says I get gradually tighter and tighter until I finally cascade and my spasms flutter continually over and over on his cock. Then comes the sudden flood of warmth and fluid and my body breaks out in a flush. Finally, I collapse and his touch sends shivers across my body. There’s just no faking that, but why would I want to?

Honestly, it comes down to being observant, responsive, tentative and communicative. Ladies, do yourself and these men a favor and STOP FAKING! Just tell them something isn’t working. Or tell them you haven’t had an orgasm yet. Men, do us women a favor and realize we are all different. If you are looking for physical signs of various stages of wetness to equate our level of arousal, please don’t. For there are lots of women out there, like me, who just don’t get that wet, but we are completely digging what you are doing.

*****

On a completely unrelated note… I have received my Njoy Pure Plug in a size large from Daddy as a gift. Of course everyone wants to see it while in use… so here you are *smiles* (see told you it looked like all the other pics)

Sylvanus’s Guide to Switzerland: Part 1

Having spent a few months here now, i think it is time to use my lazy day to write the guide i’ve been composing in my head for weeks now. The Guide to Switzerland. Here in Part 1, i introduce the CH to you, and prepare your for your trip. (Quick note: the abbrevation for Switzerland is CH, based on its official name, in Latin, Confederatio Helvetica) Part 2 will focus on places to go within the country. So, here we go:

1. Carry cash, lots of cash.

One of my favorite running jokes is a masterpiece of British understatement: “They’re not socialists.” While the Swiss do usually take credit cards, this country operates on cash. The Swiss Federal Bank issues notes all the way up to 1000 Swiss Francs (as of this writing, a Swiss Franc is about 0.96 US Dollars or 0.62 pounds sterling) and people use them. ATM machines issue these bills, (as well as 100s) and grocery stores, waiters, and even snack stands will accept them and provide change in 100s without so much as a blink. Whereas breaking out a $100 bill in the US will turn some heads, in Switzerland, it’s hard to find an ATM that will give you anything smaller than a CHF100 note. Swiss money is beautiful, too:

However, the Swiss don’t deal in large bills to be ostentatious. They do it for the reason they do just about everything: they’re practical. This is an enormously expensive country. Their largest cities, Zurich, Geneva, and Bern, routinely appear on the top ten lists of the worlds most expensive cities (though, as the Swiss would be quick to point out, also the top ten of most liveable and quality of life lists). Hotels are rarely under CHF100 per night, restaurant meals are normally CHF50 for two and up. Even fast food can’t be had for less than CHF10. When touring the country, money just seems to evaporate. The fact that everything less than CHF10 is a coin reinforces this impression, especially for Americans. This leads to rule 2:

2. if it can be bought anywhere else, don’t buy it in Switzerland.

The tourist shops, which seems to litter the country, are invariably stuffed to the gills with Lindt chocolate, cuckoo clocks, watches, and enough Swiss Army Knives to make MacGuyver spontaneously combust. Skip it. NONE of it is cheaper in this country than it is elsewhere, and that is doubly true in the tourist shops. That CHF5 bar of chocolate is no different than the $3 one you get at home, nor is the CHF75 Swiss Army knife better than it’s $45 counterpart on Amazon. Well, it did cost you more, so that’s different.

3. Don’t bother with a car, unless you’re a group of at least 3 people.

Switzerland has the highest rail density of any country in the world. Their rail and bus network is completely integrated, and runs like clockwork. The phrase, “you could set your watch to it” is not just an expression – everyone here DOES set their watch to Swiss Railway Time – and the trains AND buses runs, well, like a Swiss watch. Also, because of Swiss neutrality, the cities are extremely well preserved (having never been subjected to bombing raids), including their pedestrian-friendly layout. Plus, unlke airports, train stations are always located very central to downtown, and most cities focus around their train stations. The bottom line is that is not only possible, but easy and pleasant to function here without a car.

While the railways are not cheap, they are undeniably fair. Tickets are simply “point A to point B, first or second class,” they are not for specific trains. There is no use in playing the games than hub-and-spoke airlines force you to play of “if i go through here at this time i save $100.” There are two important cost-saving options, however, depending on your plans, the SwissPass and the Halftax:

• The SwissPass is a general admission ticket to either first or second class on every train, tram, and bus controlled by the Swiss Federal Railway (SBB). They can be purchased for any length of time, and structured any way you like, be it three nonconsecutive days, one solid month, or whatever. They are happy to accommodate you.
• The Halftax is what everyone in Switzerland has – mainly because it’s a little more practical for people who are going to spend a long time here. For CHF150 a year, you get every ticket half price (and quite a few other attractions in Switzerland will let the SBB sell their ticket, and honor the Halftax as well).

So how does that compare to driving? Suppose i want to go from Baden to Zurich (which i often do) for a day. This is a short 15 km trip. With my Halftax, the ticket is CHF7.50 each way, plus i’ll throw in a CHF2 day pass for Zurich public transit. Trains run every 10-20 minutes (it’s a busy route). So “getting there” costs me CHF17. if i drive, parking alone will cost me between CHF20 and CHF30. To go cross-country, tickets get as high as CHF50 (with halftax) and trains run hourly, but a tank of gas is typically CHF75.

Of course, when you have a larger group, and you have to buy four tickets, that changes the math. However, please mind Rule 4:

4. When driving, learn the rules BEFORE you drive.

The Swiss rely heavily on cameras to enforce their traffic laws – so you can rack up a lot of tickets without realizing what you’re doing. Also, if you ARE pulled over (and the Swiss police have a somewhat nasty reputation for finding excuses to write tickets) you will be expected to pay the ticket on the spot, in cash. You can also mail it in, but the fines escalate if you do.

5. Be prepared for the language.

Most of Switzerland is German-speaking, except the French-speaking West and italian- and Romansch-speaking sections in the south and east. However, if you studied German in school, get ready for an experience. The “German” that is spoken here is actually a radically different dialect with heavy French influence. While virtually all of the Swiss German-speaking people have also studied High German (as a foreign language), and only High German is written, ordinary speech is carried on the local dialect, which vary widely from city to city. Swiss German relates to German about as closely as Highland Scottish relates to Tennessee Mountain slang.

However – the universal second language is pretty much English, even though it is not one of the four official languages of the country. Like most German-speaking people, the Swiss are happy to assist you in English, and generally appreciative that you gave German a try.

6. Be prepared for the Japanese.

Switzerland is a very expensive, but a beautiful country to visit. So, if you want to know who it makes sense for as tourist destination, get our your globe and find the one country more expensive than Switzerland: Japan. As a result, many popular tourist destinations within Switzerland will feature packs of camera-armed Japanese tourists, and many shops will are also happy to accommodate the Japanese language, as well. Again, they’re not socialists. Compared to the Swiss, who treasure peace, quiet, and punctuality, the Japanese feel massively chaotic. And, as anyone who has been to Tokyo will tell you, the Japanese do not have the same concept of personal space Westerners do, for entirely practical reasons. After a few days in Swiss country, suddenly getting dropped into Tokyo can be disconcerting. Just be patient, and recognize that you’re a tourist, too.

7. When dining, don’t be an American.

Swiss restaurants are not places to pop in and out of. Hosts who seat you are virtually unheard of. Just sit down and wait. You’ll get served eventually. Servers generally expect you to tell them when you want them to come by, otherwise they leave you alone. Gratuities are included in the check, but extra is always appreciated. When you are ready to pay your check, everything is handled at the table. All servers carry these gigantic wallets and make change on the spot, or will bring a portable credit card machine (if they take plastic) and swipe at the table. it is customary to have coffee after a meal, and a nice sit down lunch should take at least an hour and a half.

Meat is very expensive in Switzerland, and so most Swiss cuisine is based on vegetables, especially potatoes, and cheese. While they do have cheese fondue here, that is generally reserved for the colder seasons and special occasions (and, naturally, tourists). Pasta is extremely popular as well. When dining out, my unofficial guide is that German food, as a rule, sucks. The most popular dish in the German section is Roesti – which is the Swiss version of hash browns. Turkish food, especially kebabs, are extremely popular as street food. To their credit, the Swiss obssession with quality at any price does generally pay off in the food – i can think of no time i’ve been disappointed in a dish i had.

8. Bring a camera

This is a beautiful, beautiful country, and they have done a lot to take care of it. Take lots of pictures, you’ll want them later to remember it by.

HNT ~ Matterhorn

While we are not normally ones for stunts (Mile High Club, for instance) we just couldn’t resist getting a one-of-a-kind HNT in our first night in Zermatt…

Precipice

A couple days ago i got this email from Mina:

This post scares me and upsets me… this post could be written by me.. especially the “I’ve been stupidly honest this whole time and that’s a mistake”

http://iveylane.blogspot.com/2010/08/close-lid.html

Of course, when you get an email like THAT, you don’t ignore it. And, reading the post, a chill went down my spine, as well. Like every other human, when there is a disaster, be it earthquake, divorce, rape, murder, harassment, or anything that happens to someone else, you need to find some psychological distance. You have to assure yourself that this won’t happen to you. While i understand it, i also find it one of the worst human reflexes ever, as it inevitably leads to victim-blaming. As i read ivey’s raw words, i could even hear the creaking of the thread her world is hanging by. But, moreover, in mind, i saw pictures of Mina and i, and i wondered when the day comes that i turn into Vince.

Even now, i can’t stop trying to figure out why that won’t happen to me. Well we talk all the time. i’m getting more out of it that he is. i don’t act like that...the words come so easily. But it’s all just noise, and it’s my scared heart trying to protect myself from what i know to be the unalterable truth: That could be me. Every time Mina and i talk about our feelings, every conversation we have, every time we share, we are leaching out the poison that builds up in our lives.

As i write that, i know some people will want to seize on the metaphor i just wrote as proof that open marriages are a bad thing. Personally, i see it as something all relationships do, but open relationships do faster. What tradition tries to do with ironclad rules and proscription, we acknowledge and accept. But my life has taught me something – rules can’t protect you. The reality will always be what it is. As we look at the pain ivey and Vince are suffering, there is no rule that protects them. if you read ivey, and learn what the open relationship brought into their lives, you would know how the rules of tradition were murdering their souls at the altar. Are they better off now? i guess we’ll see – i would never presume to speak for someone else.

But even within the open relationships, there are no rules to save you. Only honesty will help. Open that kimono, and share what’s truly going on, and see where the truth takes you. But, in the end, the result may still not be what you want. And that’s where the truth is – you can’t control your world. For some, that is simply too terrifying to contemplate. For others, it is more cause to truly live.

ivey – i hope things work out for you. i wish i could offer some sort of help, but just know that you are thought of and hoped for.

—

What made this more poignant was that Mina and i had just spent a long night talking about her latest crush. i had broached the conversation, though she knew i was bothered. She could sense it in every word i wrote, and she kept asking me what was wrong, so i told her everything else that was going on. Finally, a 1AM my time, we started talking. it went till 4AM.

i’ve written in the past that i won’t have a playmate here in Switzerland because i don’t feel right about it when i can’t come home that night to Mina. in truth, since i’ve been here, i have had no desire to meet anyone new. i’ve continued a few flirtations that pre-dated this trip, but no one on this continent. However, back in the US, Mina made an amazing connection. She didn’t seek it out, it just happened. And the connection was intensely mutual. i was happy for her – you could just feel the joy coming off of everything she did. And he did eventually write me, and you see his sincerity as well. What they have is truly a wonderful thing.

But as he began looming larger and larger in her psyche, taking up more of her energy, it started to become uncomfortable for me. As i’m not there, we are theoretically on equal footing in terms of access to her, except that i am six time zones away with limited internet access. And, as little things happen, they began to accumulate. Some things go missing for me, and she starts having great ideas…for him. it just starts to feel like it’s running a little hot, and i’m feeling just that little bit forgotten. So, i was left with a quandary – do i bite my tongue, and wait till she gets here in a few days, when i know that she will make me happy and everything will be fine, or do i try to stop feeling icky now.

Well, i couldn’t sleep. And i know that deciding not to talk about something is always the first step in a disaster later. So i opened my mouth. One of the hard things with these relationships is that it can be challenging to make a small adjustment. if i tell her something bothers me, she takes it hard. (Realize that everything i’m about to say applies both ways – i’m just like her in all of this) Mina loves me so much, and she is always scared that one day the dream will end, and we know that having an open marriage means risk. So, as soon as i said something, i felt like she was ready to throw in the towel on the whole open enterprise. i tried to be as delicate as i could, while being completely honest. i tried to explain that if we were physically together, there would be no problem right now, and that this is only coming up because of what distance has done.

But it’s impossible to hear your spouse feel hurt by your actions and not feel devastated. So, we spent hours on this, and i went without sleep that night. But this was important. i wanted her to know what was going on – how these little things were turning into a trend, and that i wanted to change that. i never, ever doubted her feelings for me, and it never occurred to me that our relationship might be at risk. i know, down to the core of my soul, that she is devoted to me. But i also believe that airing out these little emotional nicks is what keeps us close. Even as unpleasant as it was, and as awful as i felt for taking Mina’s sky-high happiness and being the sun to melt her wings, that it was the right thing to do.

i know that this inevitably poured some cold water on her relationship with Edward, and i didn’t want that. i want her to continue to pursue that with all the passion of before. i just want to be along for the ride, too. And it is so complicated to sort out all these hairs we split so finely. Things would be so much simpler with rules like “no flirting.” But Mina is a flirt, and the desire to connect with new people, and connect intimately is a part of who we are, and we both know that we lose a lot more than those connections when we try to “turn off” that part of our souls. Mina’s relationship with Edward has reignited her sense of desire for me, as well as him. Rising tides lift all boats, right?

The life we get to live being true to ourselves is amazing, and happy, and worth the bumps and bruises along the way. But we do this always mindful of how close to the precipice we really are, because we choose not to live in the suffocating spaces away from the edge.