Mr English revisited

June 30, 2010

As most readers should know, I went out on a date with Mr English on Sunday night. We spent nearly 4 hours sitting in the Olive Garden just talking about anything that came up. We talked a lot about our respective open marriages, sex, work and much more. Things ended abruptly with Sylvanus asking me to come home, which I would have been going home soon anyway. Before we parted ways, Mr English and I kissed briefly on the lips and my instinct was to grab him by the shirt and pull him in for another, but I knew I needed to get home. As far as I knew, I thought my husband was upset that I had been gone for so long, it wasn’t until I was in my car and briefly looked at his twitter stream, while at a stop light, that I saw he had panicked.

Monday morning, Mr English asked if he could come over for coffee. Which I knew didn’t actually mean coffee. Once I got the ok from my husband, I worked something out with Mr English. The plans got dropped as I was having some repairs done in the house and it looked like the person wasn’t going to be done on time. However, they were finished and the plans went through. Mr English came over and we spent a little time on the couch talking and he confessed to wanting to kiss me again. He told me how much he wanted to run over to my car one last time before I left on Sunday night and kiss me, but he knew something might be wrong back at my home. So we spent some time kissing on the couch before I suggested we go upstairs to the bedroom where things were a lot cooler and non humid (it’s the only room with a/c).

We made it to the bedroom and did the slow dance of foreplay where layer after layer is stripped away during passionate kisses and roaming hands. When Mr English slid down to my mons and began his oral skills, I was immediately shocked. I didn’t have to say a thing. Right away, he was doing everything right and he brought me to orgasm. I decided to return the favor and please him orally as well. He seemed to enjoy my skills equally. He confessed to wanting to fuck me, so after I pulled out a condom, I got on top and rode him to a very sweaty orgasm that I had to really work out of my body, despite the fact that Mr English again seemed to know exactly what to do to pleasure me. He flipped me over after and pounded into me from behind to achieve his orgasm.

We ended things with smiles on our faces and quite pleased with everything that had happened with definite promises to see each other again.

Or so I thought….

Monday night, I hadn’t heard from him, so I sent him this text:

I see how it is, fuck em and leave em… Just teasing… Thank you for a lovely afternoon

To which case I never received a response. So Tuesday afternoon, I sent another text:

Good afternoon. Hope things are ok on your end.

To which again, I have received no reply. This morning I decided to send an email:

So I’m going to assume that your sudden lack of communication with me is your way of telling me you are no longer interested … ?

To which I finally got a reply… I am not going to copy and paste his reply, but the bottom line is… things between he and his wife have taken a turn. She has gotten quiet and angry. They have gotten into terrible fights about random things. When he asks her if his seeing me has made her upset, she is neither denying nor confirming this. His phone has mysteriously disappeared and she has no idea where it is and he has had to write me back from the library because he is not allowed to write personal emails from work. Oh and he does in fact, want to see me again and should have a new phone activated today.

Can I believe this? Yes, I can (and I say this without really convinced I do), but it changes nothing… I can no longer see him. If it’s the truth, I can no longer see him. If this is a lie, I can no longer see him.

Either way, I did not see this coming. I take great pride in being able to filter through the bullshit. My career has me highly educated in behavioral sciences. It is both a blessing and a curse to be able to determine a person’s character and predict their behavior by observing their actions. Blessing, because it keeps the bulls shit out of my life. A curse, because sometimes I HATE being right about people.

My motto that I live by and hold my standards high to: “Actions speak louder than words.”

When Mr English contacted me, he was the only person who took the time to write me a very long email about who he is and what his story was about. I answered him immediately with the same. Our mornings progressed rapidly with exchanges of many emails and photos. We had a LOT in common and we were getting along so well, I gave him my phone number and we spent the rest of the day exchanging texts. At one point his phone’s battery was about to die and he ran to the store to get a new charger just so he could continue to text me. That was a Thursday. On Friday we exchanged a few texts. I was unable to exchange many as my volunteer work only allows for that sort of thing during breaks. We texted throughout Saturday and a lot during Saturday night while Sylvanus was busy playing on the PS3. On Sunday, we texted a bit as well and then had our date. Mr English also sent me a piece of erotica he had been inspired to write Sunday night after we met. Then obviously, Monday, we finally met and had sex.

So nothing, in his behavior, gave me any indication that he would be the type of guy to fuck me and then disappear. He had always been attentive to me during the day and after our date, he made sure to send me a message to tell me he had a great time. We had so much in common! So when he just disappeared, I felt very defeated. You see, I thought the way I handled things would protect me from being played like a fool. If Mr English managed to prove that wrong, I was going to have to reevaluate myself and pretty much give up this playmate search.

So is Mr English telling the truth? Who knows? Regardless if he is or isn’t, the result is the same. I can no longer see him. I do hope he is telling me the truth, but it is still going to be hard for me to get back into finding a playmate. My husband leaves on his extended business trip next week. He comes home in September… I’ll have a few months to recover and *maybe* try this again. For now, I’m done.

***updated thoughts: After speaking with Sylvanus over lunch today, there is a deep suspicion that perhaps Mr English was never in an open marriage to begin with. Married, he definitely was, but in an open marriage, perhaps not. Which equally sucks. We think maybe he went home smelling of me and she found out. Who knows? I know that if Mr English never contacts me again, then there was more going on than he was telling me. My last email to him told him it’s obvious I should not be in the picture, but it did not tell him to never contact me again. If he truly likes me and wants all of this to work out, every fiber in my being tells me he should write me again.***

30 Comments | mr english, Open marriage, thoughts from mina | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by Mina

pleasurists #84

June 29, 2010

via Mario M.M.

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #83? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #85? Be sure to read our submission guidelines and then use our submission form and submit it before Sunday July 4th at 11:59pm PDT.

Want to win some swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Editor’s Pick

  • Raquel vs. Niagara: The Showdown by Outspoken Clitic

    • Editor’s Note: The most epic dildofight ever! You know you want to see two pink realistic-feel dildos battling it out set to Ennio Morricone music and wearing black cowboy hats. I mean… come on! What’s not to love? There’s also a review, so be sure to click the link.

Editor

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?

e[lust] #16

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

Dildos

Anal Toys

Toys for Cocks

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books/Games

Adult DVDs & Porn

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Miscellaneous

Pleasurists adult product review round-up

Leave a Comment » | pleasurist | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by Mina

The Now

June 27, 2010

This post is being written by an exhausted man.

Today has been a long day for me. This morning i had an inspiration, and wrote a quick post from bed, the one posted below. When it was done, i felt like i had written a thoughtful post about the subject of what i consider a wildly overpowered vibrator, and the thought process it symbolized. i tried to hold the cube up, and consider it from every angle, exposing my thought process to the readers. Although i did receive many supportive comments and messages, i also found myself with a lot of hostile, sarcastic commentary. For the most part, it’s fine – i support free speech, and always welcome comments of all sorts.

But i also had an inescapable sense of having committed an apostasy – that i had deigned to criticize the Hitachi, and, moreover, that i had done it as a man. To some extent, it should have been expected. But, what stung, and stung mightily, was that i was seeing a lot of this contempt from people i had considered friends, people i had defended both publicly and privately, and people i had offered emotional support to, for no reason other than they needed someone to be there. The reason it hurt wasn’t that i expect my friends to agree with me, it was that they were suddenly attacking a caricature of me, one i thought they would know better than to believe. Although i tried to shrug it off, it still lingered as the tide of criticism rose, and eventually i decided that i needed to just leave the discussion.

What bothers me more, though, is that i have been on this blog for three years, and been blogging in  general for six. Some of these same people have known me in both lives. i have spent years writing thoughtful posts where i question myself and my emotions, where i rip out and show my most intimate, and often embarrassing thoughts for everyone to see. There have been a lot of posts i have been ashamed to write, because i didn’t want to admit to the emotions in them, but i put them up anyway, because i want what i write to reflect me, the real me.

And, somehow, all these years of affection for the woman i made my wife in front of your virtual eyes, all these genuine actions i have taken for people, publicly and privately, meant nothing, because i criticized a vibrator, and decided to get philosophical. Suddenly i was arrogant and condescending, telling women they were doing it wrong, and i found myself being slammed for bizarre positions i’ve never held. i was suddenly one of them, those neanderthals. The message to me was simple – we have no memory, we live in the now; this credit you think you’ve built up with us doesn’t exist. i wanted to appeal to people: come on, you know me. You know that this is not what i meant, right? But they were the ones volleying the attacks.

Whatever, right? it’s just a blog. Then the night took a turn.

Mina went out on a great with this guy, Mr. English, she was genuinely excited to meet. All those kissed frogs and finally a decent one. i was thrilled for her, too, because i knew how many layers of disappointment her search had heaped on her, and i also knew that my next European trip was fast approaching. She ahd told me a lot about him, and shown me his pictures, and, well, he really was a catch. So, she set a date up for earlier tonight at 6PM. And so did i.

My date arrived, and Mina went off to the restaurant to meet Mr. English. i enjoyed a pleasant hour or so of company, and she left. Two hours in, she sent me a text letting me know she was having a good time. i replied i was glad, and didn’t want to interrupt. i did some chores around the house, cleaned up the bedroom, and then plopped online. i happily counted out the mounting hours that her date was running, thrilled she was having a good night. Then, at the 3.5 hour mark, someone pointed out that she would be worried. Suddenly the thought process started: Wait, i haven’t heard anything from her. Should i be worried? i’ll text her:

Still good?

No response. i wait about five minutes (Mina is normally a demon when it comes to texting) and i send another.

Hey, little worried.

Nothing. i call. No answer, and i leave a voicemail to call me. Now i’m pacing. A few minutes later, i get these texts:

Sorry, i’m good, yes.

Still talking at the restaurant.

i call her back immediately. No answer. i call again. No answer. Now all the conspiracy gears are turning. Who would hold a table for nearly four hours at a restaurant without making the server hate them. Mina used to wait tables, she knows what that’s like. That doesn’t make sense. How do i know it’s her texting? it could be anyone! Now i have visions of her bound and gagged against her will heading off to who-knows-where, while i try to explain to skeptical cops that my wife was on a date with man. (Did you know adultery is a criminal offense in New York?). So i respond.

Call me.

Silence.

Minutes stretch out. i put my shoes on and grab my car key, and get ready to head to the restuarant to figure out what’s happening. As i’m on my way to the door. She calls. Relieved, i tell her it’s almost ten o’clock and she needs to come home. She says okay, and i can hear the bustle of the restaurant in the background.i am relieved, and i start walking in circles, my hands still shaking from the terror. Finally, i go to Twitter to let everyone know everything is fine:

*sighs* had a panic and called her to tell her to come home. I’m so lame. Just had visions of trying to file the missing person report…

…I just realized I had only gotten texts, and I called a couple times and didn’t answer. Was actually going to drive there till she called

Oh and @mydesire is fine. I just panicked and cut short a good date for nothing. #isuck

For the most part i received a lot of congratulatory messages of relief. One that stood out was this, from @britisshameless

@sylvanus So you’re making her come home because her date is longer than you wanted it to be? Even though you’ve been on dates?

This shot me over the edge. i could already hear the contempt in her voice, and the unspoken “You are such a hypocrite” coming behind it. Part of me wanted to explain that her date was already double the length of any date i had been on, that i hadn’t been hearing from her, and, well, everything you read above. Part of me was still exhausted, since her comments on the Hitachi post mentioned above had been the straw that broke my camel’s back on defending myself, since, 10 days ago, she was the sole commenter on my Tyranny post, and had really gotten it, and appreciated the kind of thought and consideration i put into how i treat women. And suddenly i had been demoted all the way to hypocritical shithead who got jealous because she was doing what he had been doing. i decided to take the short route and told her to go to hell. Her response:

@sylvanus Excuse me? I asked you a question. What the fuck is wrong with you?

At this point i was positively boiling with angry. i asked Twitter to explain it to her:

Can someone please explain to @britisshameless why her question made me angry? I’m still silencing a kidnapping scare and am in no mood.

and jumped in the shower, trying to get myself out of this horrifying place my mind had been in. i got out to this:

@sylvanus Dude. I clearly missed something on the timeline. You could have explained that and not jumped down my throat.

At this point, my thought was, “or, you could have apologized for being wrong.” Of course, she was still trying to defend her question. So i turned, and i opened fire, and absolutely ripped her every way i could, venting every last bit of tension i could find a way to put into 140 character bursts. Shortly thereafter, Mina got home. Her mood was concerned, and rapidly moreso as she became aware of what, exactly, had happened in my head. i felt enormously guilty that i had taken what turned out to be a wonderful, engaging date, and cast this dreadful pall over it. Mina suggested we start putting codewords in to the text so i won’t worry next time. My pulse slowed, and i wanted to be happy for her, but she had a hard time being happy for herself, because she was blaming herself for my dreadful mental state.

Then i went back to check on how the timeline was progressing, and found myself blocked from her timeline. No big shock really. Oh well, what can i do? i took a deep breath, and decided, for the record to recount what i had written above, and to apologize to the person (left unnamed) for my explosion.

At this point, Always Aroused Girl took it upon herself to chide me for not naming the person.

Your apology will only be worthwhile if you address it to HER, @sylvanus . She’s not going to see it in your public timeline.

Of course, this, too, was yet another humilation in two regards. First: she was absolutely right. Second, i’ve known her for years, taken it upon myself to speak up on her behalf when others have attacked her, and this morning she was also taking a turn whipping me on the Hitachi post, and making obliquely sarcastic remarks on the Twitter timeline about it (leaving me unnamed). And she was lecturing me, correctly, about how to apologize. i tried lamely to defend it, and then gave up. So…what the hell could it hurt?

Dear @britisshameless: i apologize for directly a LOT of emotion at you that you didn’t deserve.

Correction: Dear @britisshameless: i apologize for directing a LOT of emotion at you that you didn’t deserve.

She answered:

@sylvanus Thanks. For the record, I *did* check your timeline to see what was up before tweeting, and genuinely must have missed that tweet.

@sylvanus So I’m sorry that it was taken in a way I didn’t mean it, and when I saw the whole thing, I understood why. Glad she’s okay.

And that, as they say, was that.

it’s been a long and difficult day for me, which kinda sucks, because a lot of good things happened today. But i have learned a valuable lesson about how far one’s perception of their own reputation can vary from what it really is.

13 Comments | Open marriage, thoughts | Permalink
Posted by Sylvanus

The Toy We Will Never Use

June 27, 2010

The Hitachi Magic Wand.

There, we’ve said it. The Hitachi Magic Wand has no place in the extremely heavily populated box under our bed, nor will it ever. As long as we’ve been together and active within the toy industry, we’ve quietly been anti-Hitachi, and now I want to be, well, less-quietly so.

Our problem with the Hitachi comes down as much on the mentality behind much of its use as it does on our perception of the device’s failings. The thing is that we all agree on what the Magic Wand is: cheap, insanely powerful and loud. That it is cheap, around $40-$50, is really only a good thing, especially for its relatively sturdy construction. The loudness we don’t like, but that’s completely forgiveable. It’s the insane power we take issue with.

At its lowest setting, I have taken the Wand to my back and shoulders and felt it annihilate the aches and pains of my day, just as it was designed to do. This is not the level of stimulus our sex organs really expect to handle. However, we are humans, and we are fortunate to have bodies that are insanely adaptable. So, when we start busting out the big guns on a sensitive area, our body “recalibrates” and adjusts so that we can respond comfortably to the stimulus we receive. (The mechanism of this is subject to debate. I’ve seen it argued we are inflicting nerve damage, or that our brain just changes how it processes signals. I think calling it damage is being a little sensational for its own sake.) So, when people first use the Hitachi it’s almost overwhelmingly intense. Over time, it starts to resembling the “junkie looks for the next new hit” model, mainly because it is the same underlying mechanism of our adaptable human body adapting. But the other side of it is that lesser stimuli become less satisfying as well, thus the mode of people who (kiddingly) describe the Hitachi as an addiction. In other terms, you start finding people who can never find any other toy powerful enough. When I have talked toys with people, and found people who felt the larger LELO, or Emotional Bliss products weren’t powerful enough there is invariably a Hitachi in their starting lineup. In our house, those toys are never turned past half power. I also distinctly remember Freddy (of freddyandeddy.com) repeatedly refusing to sell any of his vast collection of superb toys to Hitachi users, because they invariably wind up being returned.

Even if we want to concede that the Hitachi “spoils you” for other toys, we still have another question to address: is it necessarily a bad thing? After all, it’s reasonably priced and well-built, costing less than most of the premium European products and of far better quality that the tsunami of Chinese product. It’s not really a bad thing to be ruined for other product that either cost more or are clearly inferior, right? Well, maybe. The question is: is masturbate all you want to do, and do you want to trade the sensitivity to softer, delicate sensations for something that “does the job?” For us, genital sensitivity is a prize to be treasured, and the Hitachi destroys that. So we don’t use it, or recommend it. If nothing else satisfies you and you need plug-in-the-wall power, we recommend the extraordinary Eroscillator. (It produces a side-to-side motion rather than a pounding motion, and doesn’t numb you. It does however cost far more than Hitachi, but all the attachments are made by Eroscillator, and not Chinese-built third party stuff. It is the ONLY sex toy we recommend with no reservations to anyone.) Our philosophy is that masturbation and sex use the same organs: making them harder to please when jilling off makes them harder to please when fucking. Even with our considerably less brawny toys, I can detect the difference in Mina’s body when I am giving her oral after several days in a row using vibrators.

But what really gets me is the mindset behind its use. I normally bristle every time someone goes off on a “stupid Americans” rant, but I have to launch one here. In America, we suffer from what Pat Riley called the Disease of More. We always want more, we always seek the ultimate. The Hitachi gets a lot of the attention it does because it is indisputably the Most Powerful [Thing Used As A] Sex Toy on the market, and we are drawn to it like sharks to blood. When we start finding that nothing else works for us, rather than back off and seek perspective, we gloat that there is no substitute for the Hitachi. Our addiction becomes a trophy, our numbness turns to snobbery. For me, then, it’s not just about trying to help people get the most pleasure out of these exquisite instruments we are blessed enough to live in. It’s about a Jamie Oliver-like revolution of attitude, of trying to turn people away from this junk food mentality of cheap, satisfying food and into better, enriching sustenance. (Of course, he has the benefit of trying to stop obesity, atherosclerosis, hypertension, liver damage, and Type II diabetes. I don’t think ”less sensitive genitalia” quite ranks up there on the list of public health crises.)

53 Comments | health, musings, toys | Permalink
Posted by Sylvanus

Contrasts

June 26, 2010

“What’s it like sleeping with two women in one day?” Mina asked me last night, before we began a very hard, aggressive fuck that left her with a shattering orgasm. As i put more thought into it, the more complicated picture began to emerge.

i’ve written before about how being with other people makes me appreciate Mina. i’ve noticed that since i’ve started seeing this other woman, whom i’ll call B, i have become much more affectionate towards Mina, and i’ve enjoyed our sex life more intensely. We laugh more now, and it’s been lots of fun. Being with someone else before your wife makes her feel almost new again, in the sense that everything is a delight to discover. But instead of just being new, it’s someone that knows me, and knows my body and my mind, so she comes back feeling perfect. The way her body fits against mine, just like i’m used to, how she moans at certain touches, and how she smells.

Here it is where it becomes challenging to write, for any time i praise one lover, it implies a criticism of the other, one i don’t intend. i enjoy both women intensely, for who they are, not who they aren’t. But having another person to contrast them with heightens the experience. Another aspect is that i only have unprotected sex with Mina. (Although i don’t think for a second that B carries any diseases, mistakes happen when people make exceptions, and i refuse to compromise on this issue.) While condoms are good, there is something special about the type of contact i can make with my wife that i make with no one else. The complete absence of physical and emotional barriers helps to cement our special bond.

Mina is incredibly generous with me and our lives, and i am grateful for it. i am qually fortunate to have someone like B in my life that understands our marriage, and what i have to offer. To be with both women sharpens my perception, and my appreciation for them both. i come to see Mina at night, eager for all the things that make her my wife, from the way her smaller stature fits me, the way we laugh together, the feel for her pierced tongue against mine, the firm feel of her breasts in my hands and her rich sweetness below.

As for B…well, there is an equally wonderful list for her. But that list is for her. :-)

1 Comment | Open marriage, thoughts | Permalink
Posted by Sylvanus

Mr English

June 26, 2010

This last week was full of many frustrations. One of the things that had me down, was my lack of success in finding a playmate. I have been asked by people whether or not I truly am jealous of my husband having sex with another woman. Honestly, I am not. It’s a strange feeling and one I am getting used to. I’m really not bothered by Sylvanus having another woman. How can this be?

If there is one thing I know, it’s that Sylvanus and I are very different than most couples. I consider us very special. We talk about everything. Yes, everything. We are both sexual people and admittedly I’d say the majority of our conversations center around sex. There is always something on twitter, blogs or in real life that gives us something to think about and discuss. We do things differently and we do things our way. We are truly open and honest to each other about everything. I think the reason why I am not jealous is because I have grown past that and have entered a new stage in my life. My husband always makes me feel like his number one and he always acts like it too. He doesn’t simply tell me every day how wonderful I am to him, but he shows me how much he loves me daily.

Whenever I have ever been jealous about Sylvanus, it wasn’t about what he was doing with another woman, but rather, I want the same for me and have thus far not found it. Which brings me to the point of this post.

After having such a shit-tastic day on Monday, I attacked Tuesday with a new search in finding that special man that could be both a friend and a new playmate. I am no longer looking specifically for a dominant. That search ended sadly and I wish to take a break. As for now, I want to just find someone, like my husband has, that I can see on a regular basis and whom I enjoy spending time with both inside and outside of the bedroom.

I joined a dating site and as of today, it’s brought no activity my way. I tried to put another ad up on Craigslist and it actually got rejected 2 times. For some reason, Craigslist just would not publish my posts. Honestly, by Thursday, I was feeling very wishy washy about looking for this playmate. My searches have turned up no one that met my standards. Perhaps it was time to just stop? Perhaps this was a sign that I’m just too picky and this isn’t the life I should have. I caved and put up a very simple ad on craigslist, which meant I got a lot of unwanted responses.

Thursday morning, I found myself at home instead of going to volunteer. During the night, I got a very long email from someone I will be calling, Mr English. Obviously English, he is local and also in an open marriage. What ended up taking place for the rest of the day was this instant connection. After exchanging only a few emails, I was ready to give him my phone number to exchange texts. We have been chatting ever since. I am really really excited over Mr English. The sudden appearance of him proves two things to me: 1) I really don’t like the local men (Mr English is from England, duh) and 2) Being picky really does pay off in the end.

We have a lot in common and we desire the same things. We have no desire to change our living situations or leave our spouses. We also have no desire to sleep around. We both just want to find someone to date and see on a continual basis. We share an open mind and sexual freedom. All I can say is, Mr English and I are going on a “date” tomorrow night and I truly believe it will be the beginning of an exciting adventure! Not to mention, I can’t wait to hear him speak in his lovely English accent!

3 Comments | mr english, Open marriage, thoughts from mina | Tagged: , | Permalink
Posted by Mina

Product Review~ Sportsheets Hump Bump & Vibe

June 22, 2010

This review is brought to you by va va voom.  The Hump Bump & Vibe is a small, half circle that fits in my hand. It is designed to hold a bullet vibe and attach to a number of Sportsheets products like the Pleasure Pillow Case,  Bondage Bed Sheets, and the I Like It Doggie Style Strap .

The Package

The Hump Bump & Vibe came in your standard plastic clam shell packaging with a simple paper insert. One side shows a couple using it with the Sportsheets Pillow and the other side shows the product in use with the Doggie Strap. Once removed from the packaging, which does not require scissors, box cutters or bleeding fingertips to remove, the product is ready to be used immediately.

Getting Familiar

It’s pretty simple to get familiar with this particular product. It is very straight forward. The flat side of the product has a velcro® strip that is used to grip onto the various Sportsheets products. The rounded part, made by a firm foam pad,gets nestled gently against my body with the bullet pressing against my clit. The entire product is made of soft Tempo fabric. The Hump Bump & Vibe has a little slit that holds the bullet in place. I could not find any product description either on the Sportsheets website or the va-va-voom site that discussed it’s ability to be washed. Since the bullet can be removed I would like to assume that this product can be put through the wash at a very gentle cycle (or hand washed) and I would suggest letting it tumble dry with little to no heat in the dryer. Or perhaps, just let it sit out and dry. I would like to think that this product can be washed, since I would assume a lot of sexual fluids would be touching it.

Putting it to work

First I used it solo. I do not own the Sportsheets bondage sheets set or the Pleasure Pillow Case, so I tried using it as is while in bed. I laid on my stomach and gently nestled the product against my mound and ground myself into it. The results? It did stay in place. I turned the bullet vibe on and ground myself into it. I was able to bring myself to orgasm quite pleasantly while having my body pressed against the bed, my nipples rubbing against the fabric of my sheets. It should be noted that if you are a woman that requires great power, much more than a bullet can provide, to orgasm, then this product is not for you.

The 2 other times I gave this product a go, was while using my “fuck throne“.  Instead of using the dildo, I used just the hump bump with the doggie strap. I used it the exact same way as above, by rocking my hips and rubbing my clit against the product. Having it attached to the doggie strap kept it in place perfectly. I was able to rock myself into a lovely orgasm.

Conclusions

If you are a woman who can have an orgasm from the power of a bullet vibe, this product can work for you. You would need to buy the doggie harness, pleasure pillow case or bondage bed sheets (all linked at the beginning of this post) in order to use it at it’s full potential. It might be a little tricky though. Using it with the harness doesn’t allow it to line up correctly with your clit when used during doggie style sex (in my opinion). The bullet vibe isn’t powerful enough to stimulate the clit when the product isn’t placed correctly. However, as I have done… it can be used in a lot of different and creative ways. Get your hump bump & vibe here .

9 Comments | toy review, va va voom | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by Mina

after a new adventure

June 21, 2010

So what happens once your husband comes home from enjoying the intimate company of another woman? Nothing much really. *giggles*

Timing certainly didn’t help. When Sylvanus came home, it was lunchtime, so he came home and brought lunch with him. So for a period of time, our thoughts were occupied.

We went into the bedroom afterward, where we had some amazing “lazy sex”. Lazy sex is a term we have lovingly given to having sex where he spoons me from behind and I use my vibe on my clit to have an orgasm. I always have GREAT orgasms from him taking me from behind. Either on my knees or in the lazy sex position.

He lavished me with love. Telling me how much being with other women helps him adore me that much more. He notices more about me and my body.

I went throughout the day with mixed feelings. I still didn’t know anything about his encounter with the other woman by the time we went to bed. I can understand it would be awkward for him to tell his wife about fucking another woman.  I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to know. Part of me wanted to know. Part of me was truly interested in knowing how much he enjoyed his experience and what she means to him. Part of me is turned on knowing that he has given another woman what I get on a daily basis. I enjoy using our outside experiences to fuel our bedroom romance. On the flip side though, a very small part of me didn’t want to know, simply because that is my husband… with another woman. That small part of me begins to wonder what she is giving him that I can’t? Is there something about her that he just loves so much more?

In the end though, I wanted to know about his encounter. Last night he let me know what happened between them in the briefest of details. I simply wanted to know what he is getting out of the experience. What is it that he likes about her and being with her? It’s not a bad thing if she can give him something that I can’t. I don’t feel insecure. Even though I may feel like that briefly, I realize that it’s not a terrible thing if she gives him something different (which by the way, I am not saying she does, I’m merely speaking about any woman that should come into his future). Having something different is a good thing. That’s the point right? It’s fun being able to experience different styles of lovers. In the end, I know he loves what I give him. And if he happens to encounter something we have never done before and he loves it, well, all he has to do is tell me about it and I am sure I can make something happen. *wink*

All in all, I am completely happy and ok with what my husband did yesterday. I am completely secure in my marriage and relationship with him. He loves me so much and never once made me feel insecure.

I do admit to being jealous from time to time. Not because of what he is doing, but rather, what I am not. It’s a little sad to watch him be successful and I am pretty much exhausted in my search. I’m not surprised that he has been successful. He is a wonderful man with a lot to offer a woman. I happen to know that there are probably quite a few women looking for what he has to offer. As for me.. well I am little miss picky pants. I get plenty of offers but most of them make me turn away. The few that I thought were going somewhere where I had lots of interest, just dissolved. I’m at a point where I’m not sure what I want to do. I’m frustrated and think I should just forget about it for now, yet at the same time, not doing anything isn’t going to make anything happen. There are resources I haven’t tried using yet. Part of me wants to give it another try and part of me is just not up for the disappointments that may follow…..

4 Comments | Open marriage, thoughts from mina | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by Mina

a new adventure

June 20, 2010

Maybe an hour ago, my husband gave me a kiss goodbye as he left to enjoy the pleasures of another woman. It’s the first time he’s gone solo. It’s the first time I have stayed at home, knowing he is out enjoying another woman. It’s a weird feeling. Yesterday he asked how I would feel about him going to see this woman today. Honestly, I was indifferent about the whole thing. I wasn’t angry, but I wasn’t jumping up cheering for him either. I was simply… “ok”.

So how do I honestly feel about it today? Now that he has gone off…. I’m really really ok with it. Much more positive about it today than I was yesterday. I don’t feel in the least bit upset or angry about it. (and I didn’t feel upset or angry about it yesterday, just more indifferent).

It’s amazing to see the changes that have happened within myself and my emotions. 3 years ago I would have NOT been ok with any of this. I would have been jealous, angry and upset that my bf would even want to be with another woman. I would have taken it personally and thought it was because I didn’t satisfy him enough. Now, 3 years later… I am a married woman and much more at peace with myself and the relationship I have with my husband. There is no doubt in my mind that my husband loves me and that my husband wants me. Being able to enjoy other people is, just that. I am giving him the gift of being able to enjoy other people out there.

So here I am, writing a post while my husband could be bringing another woman to orgasm, or enjoying another one for himself. It will be interesting to write a post after he gets home too. I’m curious for when he does get home. I hope his experience with her is a good one. I don’t know what to expect. He could come home with mixed emotions. He could come home with a big smile on his face. Or, he could come home ready to do it all over again with me… possibilities are endless. I wonder how many times he thought of me.

All I know is, this could be his best Father’s Day yet.

8 Comments | Open marriage, thoughts from mina | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by Mina

Tyranny

June 17, 2010

When i was in Switzerland, one thing i couldn’t help observing was the extremely quiet nature of their trains. Not that they operated with very little mechanical noise (which they did), but that passengers invariably stayed silent throughout their rides in a noiseless solitude. To some extent, it just seemed typically Swiss. They do love their peace and quiet, after all. (God have mercy on the poor soul that mows their lawn on Sunday, for His followers won’t…) But, as time went on i began feeling that the pattern extended farther than just the trains.

On the trains, everyone had their iPods plugged in their ears, or a copy of 20 Minuten, the daily news flier, under their nose. But on the streets, i still felt this unavoidable sense of being purposefully ignored. As i spend more time on it, i begin parsing it down, and realizing that i was being quickly appraised by the men, and studiously ignored by the women. This was when it struck me – their behavior was the same as that New Yorker who walks reminding herself, don’t make eye contact don’t make eye contact. At the time, i had considering writing a post about it, but there wasn’t quite enough there.

Until i was introduced to Holla Back DC, a blog where women recount tales of how they are randomly harassed on the street. For example:

I was walking out of my house to go to work – it was early and the weekly trash collection was that day. As I turned onto the sidewalk from my walkway, the garbage truck pulled up, the man collecting my trash stepped off, and in a very casual way said to me, “I’ve always wanted to f*ck a woman with short hair.”

By the time I realized what he’d said, he was gone. Just like that. Needless to say, I just felt kinda icky for the rest of the day.

Many of the stories are worse – going as far as groping and actual assault. For a man, it’s always shocking to read what it’s like to step in a woman’s shoes. The concept of people needing to force themselves into your consciousness for their own gratification at your expense is utterly foreign. Why, if a woman did that, i would be flattered… For me, especially, being a male comfortably over six feet tall, it is completely alien that such a thing could be a threat. The greatest risk to me is the old adage “Never trust a woman who’s interested in a man like you,” with it’s implications of prostitution and hostile confederates lurking in the dark. But the woman herself is never a threat.

A few weeks ago, our friend Ashly Star wrote a post about the harrassment she gets when she goes out. Fortunately, the story ends pleasantly poorly for the harrasser when her extremely imposing boyfriend arrives on the scene. But it still perfectly illustrates the impossible position a woman is in – accept the harassment as flirtation, and pave the way for an outright assault, or reject the man, and be berated as a bitch. Unless there is some deus ex machinae, or a large boyfriend, there to set the guy straight, you’re going to lose, and the harrasser will get away with it.

When i first had the idea for the post, i was originally going to title it, “The Tyranny of Beauty,” because i had this image in my head of all these beautiful Swiss women trying desperately not to be noticed on the train. But even that title shows a level of construction in my incurably male brain: it’s her fault for being pretty; if she weren’t pretty, no one would bother her. No, it’s the fault of the harassing asshole for being an asshole. Consider the thought experiment i went through myself this morning. Let’s suppose i invent an “ugly suit” that an attractive woman would wear to avoid harassment. Well, that wouldn’t work, because men jeer ugly women, too. But suppose anyway – the behavior would just land on the other, presumably less-attractive, women. So, we start making all the women wear them. Would the behavior stop? Of course not. We could even take this to the logical extreme, and put all women in burqas. Guess what? That doesn’t work either.

The problem isn’t that women are attractive – it’s that men aren’t expected to act like, well, men. Going back to Holla Back DC, many, if not the majority, of the stories happen in populated places in the public square. With virtually no exception, no one does anything. By letting these guys get away with it, we sanction it. The reasons we don’t do anything are predictable: We’re too shocked in the moment, we don’t know if that guy is crazy, we don’t want to escalate the situation. So, there is no neat solution here, i get that. But what makes me angry is that i have to be aware, constantly, that any woman that doesn’t know me has to regard me as a potential rapist, and not because she is being paranoid.

During my first week in Switzerland, i was at the train station and was confused by the signs over the tracks, so i turned to ask another traveler a question.

“Entschuldingung Sie,” She whipped around and looked at me uncomfortably, and i instinctively hunched over a bit and took a half step back. “Was ist den Unterschied zwischen Brugg AG und Brugg Lenzburg?” There was a palpable sense of relief on her face, and she explained it briefly (and, for the record, the question i asked was the equivalent of, “What is the difference between Baltimore Philadelphia and Baltimore, MD?”) i blushed a little bit at the explanation, thanked her, and then walked abotu ten meters down the track and never looked in her direction again. At the time, my attitude was, “geez, don’t want her to call the cops on me.” Now, i would do the exact same physical actions again, but with the intent of “Okay, make sure she doesn’t feel like she needs to worry about me, in case there is someone she needs to worry about.”

What these people do, when they harass women is that they make life infinitely more difficult for the rest of us. And i don’t mean in the sense that “You can’t just talk to a girl and flirt any more,” i mean in the sense, of normal, every day interactions. At that’s a tyranny that weighs on us all, not just the beautiful.

3 Comments | thoughts | Permalink
Posted by Sylvanus

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