BDSM, Our Way

Why BDSM?

What are we doing this for? What motivates us to the extremes we run to?

I’ve found myself up against these questions frequently lately. As Mina and I have found ourselves embracing the open relationship lifestyle more, I’ve found the need to define myself. Some of it is for the sake of others who encounter me, and want to risk stepping a toe in the acid waters of my psyche. But mostly, it’s for me.

This thought began a year ago, as we were sorting out our affection for Mistress Kyra, who has her own brand of BDSM. For her, dominance runs all the way to her marrow. She is a Dom because she is incapable of being otherwise, and every aspect of her being is colored by it. For her, the urge for sadism and for control are irrepressible. We saw the extent to which she loves the creative creation of pain in those who submit to her. The physicality of her actions quieted the world for her, and her mind drew to a sharp focus. For her, it’s about the control, and the creation of experience for another.

I’ll never forget when I asked her what her fantasy was. After some time not answering she finally gave me that verbal shrug of “Hello? I’m here fulfilling everyone else’s fantasies!” It’s striking, because she is a deeply driven sexual being, but that even that is shaped by her dominant nature. I should say that I see no fault in Kyra. In fact, Mina and I both adore her for exactly who she is, and miss her terribly. We loved having her in our lives. But…that was Kyra.

For me, and for us, BDSM is different. It’s about the sex. It’s about the fuck. Mina’s submission is pushing her to her knees, using her for pleasure, exploiting her hard, and leaving her in a heaving, sweaty mess, every last nerve ablaze. My dominance is a kinetic, aggressive thing, where I bring my lust to a contained boil, and assualt her, bombarding her with sensations and stringing the mind out with cruel game until the ability to have any other thought is extinguished. Pain is a tool, a way to wake up the nerves, hone my thoughts, and bring life to my cock. It turns me on to hurt a person, but it turns me on far more to hurt them knowing I will use them.

That is BDSM our way.