Book Review: Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns

With the recent move, it’s been difficult to write, or to find time to do… anything! I have many reviews that I owe. I am slowly getting back into the saddle of blogging.

This particular review was given to me by Va Va Voom. We have recently become one of their newest reviewers. I am thrilled that I had the opportunity to read “Screw The Rose, Send Me The Thorns” by Philip Miller and Molly Devon.

Immediately, within the first few pages of reading, I was hooked! Screw the Roses (as I shall call it from here on out) is an educational and instructional book about “The romance and sexual sorcery of sadomasochism”. Philip and Molly are a couple with over 20 years of experience in the BDSM world. This book was originally published in 1995. They offer an intelligent and entertaining view into this “dark” world. It is written in such a manner that people of all experience levels would enjoy it and walk away having learned something new.

Chapter 1 offers you an introduction to your hosts, Phillip and Molly and what they intend the book to be about.  They go into detail what sadomasocism IS and IS NOT. That is then followed by the introduction into “scene speak” and learning the lingo and terms and labels. Chapter 1 covers everything from what it means to be dominant, submissive, a switch, masochist, tops and bottoms, gay SM scenes, and oh so much more. (You can see how I got hooked right away right?)

Chapter 2 dives right into the important stuff. Communication, trust and safety. The authors really push that safety above all else is the most important key to whatever “play” you may do. Once you’ve established that you are, in fact, in a safe and trust worthy situation, the chapter goes on to tell you how you can explore many things. Such as using the mind as an erogenous zone, conditioning, visualization. sensory relocation and so much more.

Chapter 3 gives you the run down on “The Politics of Very Strange Bedfellows, Sensible SM Relationships, and Dangerous Liaisons.” It tells the reader what to look out for in other people as you begin your search for your partner. For women, it can help weed out the creeps and for men, it can help weed out the needy. Chapter 3 gives you safety suggestions on how to meet someone in person for the first time. It should be noted that since this book was first published in 1995, it’s a little outdated as far as the internet has to go. So much has changed online since 1995. You can pretty much skip any reference to “message boards” and they won’t have any of the newer kink sites listed.

Chapter 4 begins talking about how to introduce “kink” into your already established relationship and how to go out there and find it. It gives suggestions on how negotiations between Doms and subs can be handled.  What I liked about Chapter 4 is it listed and went into detail, about the different forms of submission out there. This I found very helpful. I’ll list what they come up with, but I’m afraid you’ll have to get your own copy of the book to understand what it all means.

• Level 1- Conditional Compliance
• Level 2- Restricted Ongoing Acquiescence
• Level 3- Provisional Submission
• Level 4- The Covenant of Dominance and Submission
  
• Level 5- Absolute Ownership

Chapter 5 was specifically written by Philip for the men, but you know what? I peeked anyways. *giggles* I have to say, his advice was pretty good. In order to be successful and get the most out of a BDSM type relationship, men have to learn how to slow things down. How to really make love to a woman. He gives pointers to men on how to understand just how different the woman’s mind and body work than their own and how a woman’s mind and body are intertwined.

Chapter 6 is a fun chapter that goes into all the different kinds of play and tools used. Anything from fire and ice, electro-torture, anal play and training, fisting and oh so much more! (can’t give away all of the secrets can I?)

Chapter 7 is another exhilarating chapter. This one goes into bondage. It explains how you need a plan and how to perform “bondage safety”. This chapter also gives you the “Ten rules to be bound by” and gives you an illustrated example of the “anatomy for safer bondage”.(click pic to make bigger). This chapter also gives suggestions on what you should be doing during your first rope session, your 2nd rope session and so on.

Chapter 8, Human Bondage technique! Oh what fun! This chapter shows you how to use rope and create ankle and wrist bondage as well as oriental rope dresses. There are detailed diagrams to help you out! This chapter not only talks about rope as bondage, but also blindfolds, gags, hoods, plastic wrap and many more “specialty items”.

Chapter 9 starts getting into the more serious stuff. This chapter is written by Philip and it discusses the ins and outs of flogging. This chapter discusses such important things as environment, how to start and end a session, your positioning, and how to properly use a flogger. Philip has ten commandments of flagellation and I think they are very good ones. Click the pic to read his Commandments of Flagellation, but you’ll have to read the book to get the details.

Chapter 10 really gets into “the beating”. In this chapter are tips for how to prepare the skin for a beating and where to hit (with chart). This chapter goes into everything from spanking, paddling, caning, whipping, slapping, and strokes. That’s just naming a few things that you’ll get out of it. It also dives into a tutorial on how to properly use a whip, including cat-style and bull whip.

Chapter 11 goes into what is happening to both top and bottom during a scene such as those encountered in previous chapters. It goes into the endorphin rush and “sub space” and also talks about Dom space as well. This chapter goes into the different levels of pain and how they become pleasure.

Chapter 12, one of my fave subjects, “How to make the upper cheeks red”. This chapter talks about humiliation, embarrassment and the mindfuck. Oh what a wonderful chapter and subject matter! How I love a good mind fuck. Remember men, a woman’s body is so closely linked to her mind.  In this chapter there is talk about public play, dressing and verbal abuse, as well as sexual denial. Probably the most interesting section, one that I find true, is the section that discusses emotional growth through SM. It’s interesting how something that can be so humiliating can make someone feel so much more empowered. Even if they are on the receiving end.

Chapter 13, the last chapter, oddly enough, talks about your dungeon. It gives advice on furnishing your own dungeon, life with children, and how to save money and make many of these items yourself. It lists the goodies into groups, the torture group, the sex-toy group and the bondage group and tells you where you can go to buy these items. This chapter also tells you how to make many of these items yourself! There are also tips on how to travel with your toys.

Finally, the book closes with a glossary of terms and an appendix.

• Appendix A- SM Support Groups and Organizations
• Appendix B- Stores, Supplies, and Artisans
• Appendix C- Computer Bulletin Boards
• Appendix D- SM and Fetish Magazines
• Appendix E- Recommended Reading
• Appendix F- NLA Statement on Domestic Violence

I really enjoyed reading this book very much. Philip and Molly wrote it in such a way that it was both informational and entertaining. Each chapter included a story of their own experiences in certain situations and it is always fascinating to read another person’s personal story. Anyone can enjoy this book, whether you are just getting started or you have years of experience in the lifestyle. The book includes many pictures as well as diagrams to help you build/make your own things. I appreciate how much emphasis is put on safety. I think that is so very important.

Finally, since this book was originally published in 1995, please keep in mind that some of the resources may be outdated. Do not buy this book if you think it is going to send you to the current kink websites of today. That’s not to say that some of the sites or businesses listed in the book do not exist today. If they do, well then that should be a pretty good sign that they are quality.

Would I recommend this book? Absolutely! If you are interested in getting a copy of Screw the Roses, Send Me The Thorns, you can find it here. Want to check out some other reading while you are there? You’ll find lots to choose from!

Thanks again to Va Va Voom for giving me the opportunity to read such a great book!