So, Vic read my post.
Let’s just say he didn’t come away from reading it feeling like he had gotten a big hug from me. So, he and I spent a while texting today. And, afterward, Mina and I talked about it. I think, in the end, there have to be some lessons about what our blog is now, because, well, not everyone is used to the Wachowski-like camera we turn on our lives, and when we welcome people in, they might not be comfortable with what goes on.
When we write about our experiences, we are shared the unvarnished, come-stained truth of the exact moment we were in. This space is as much about therapy for us, and communication between Mina and I, as for the benefit of our readers. Mina and I both only know one way to write, and that’s honestly. A long time ago, we made a conscious decision that we were not going to go Thomas Kinkade and present a gauzy, glowy perspective of how wonderful our life is when the truth is often more complicated, and less pretty.
So, when Vic was voicing his well-justified thoughts about what I wrote, I found myself in a difficult position of having to explain myself. What I wrote about that threesome was completely true, in that moment. I’m not proud of the thoughts I had, and the way I felt. In fact, I’m actually pretty ashamed of the number of ways I tried to sabotage things, and the times I put myself in an adversarial role with Vic. Just because I held Mina’s shoulders and pushed back when he was fucking her doesn’t mean that I’m absolved of the other stuff. The fact is that I went through a lot of emotions, almost all of them unexpected, so I was improvising as I went. I think might batting average was pretty good, on the whole, but I know I could have done better.
In truth, I do genuinely like Vic. He blended in with our friends really well, and he and I had talked plenty before he came over, so I knew what kind of guy he was. When we do this again (and I do mean “when”) I don’t plan of giving another guy a shot at it. And, Vic and I have talked and understand how we have to work on our communication. But, we talked about it, and we’re working it out. In truth, what I love the most about the threesome was that I did have a problem, Mina and I did talk about it, and we sorted it out and got back to the good stuff, and had some really amazing sex. Really. Amazing.
But, it’s important to remember that not everyone is going to be used to what Mina and I dish out to each other here. So, I wanted to take the time to say the things that were unsaid. I did offer Vic a chance to post his side, and he passed. For him, he just wanted to straighten things out between he and I, which shouldn’t have surprised me. He’s always been a stand-up guy, and he’s not working on his public image here. I know that I am extremely difficult to read, both online and in person, so I thought I should take a moment to explain myself. I read my post of yesterday thinking – “God, I’m such a jerk,” and not “Yeah, there’s some more of my badass sexy.” I’m always trying though. In every sense of the phrase.
November 2, 2009 at 9:11 pm |
And this is why Veronica and I don’t let our lifestyle friends know about our respective blogs.
Glad to read that you and Vic seem to be working things out and there might be another 3some in the future.
November 2, 2009 at 9:24 pm |
Yeah, I agree it gets a little messy. We’re still figuring it out ourselves. But then, when you brought SoVix in, I think she was pretty aware of the deal. That is an obviously different situation.
November 2, 2009 at 9:11 pm |
This is why I usually choose not to share the blog with people I’m involved with. I want to be upset and vent and not have it effect something or someone in a way that I didn’t mean it to.
Master is the first person I’ve ever shared my blog with, and I wrote a post when I was feeling suffocated and stifled the other day, and he saw it in the drafts and was really worried and upset, when all I was trying to do was vent.
Do you think you would share the blog with another potential partner of yours, if you had the decision to make again?
November 2, 2009 at 9:21 pm |
That’s an interesting question. In the long run, we find that this blog has been really good for our relationship, and I like to think that other relationships will benefit as well. I realize it’s a little messy, but it seems really wrong to keep something that is as big as this blog a secret from someone we want to be so intimate with.
But also, in the future, we are going to be better at this sort of poly lifestyle we seem to be adopting, and hopefully things won’t be so messy. It will also help that Vic and I have cleared some of the air.
November 2, 2009 at 9:59 pm |
It’s interesting how this post turned into a friendly debate about letting people we get involved with read our blogs. For us, it is SO much easier to point people to our blog if they want to get to understand and know us. When I send certain people to my erotica blog it also let’s them see just how devious I can get. We don’t tell everyone we come across that we have a blog. Though actually, Sylvanus has been pretty quick to let that cat out of the bag,but those we do allow, we generally know can handle it. I’m glad Vic knows about the blog. He has personally told me that he feels he knows so much about me just by reading my thoughts. I think that’s a nice thing.
xo mina
November 3, 2009 at 4:48 am |
These posts have been a major topic of conversation around the cavern. I’m actually having a hard time wording the comment I wish to make. From experience, I think you cannot prepare yourself for the true reaction you’ll have when you invite a third into the bedroom. I think you both made a conscious decision to share your honest reactions an I think readers respect that. Reality is not perfection. I’m glad to read this and as an outsider it seemed there needed to be a level of confrontation of feelings between you and vic in order to continue on a healthy level down the road. Thanks for your ever honest perspectives!
November 3, 2009 at 9:56 am |
My husband and I have been experimenting for a little while. I can say that the threesome with another woman was actually extremely arousing for me to be in with him, but we have not tried a threesome with a male yet. The hardest time came when we did a full swap (on different days) and both of us felt as though we were left out (especially me because he feel asleep before he could be with me!). Anyway, I know that there are a lot of emotions to be worked through with situations like this, and I’m very happy that you guys seem to be working through them.
November 3, 2009 at 10:03 am |
When I saw that Vic had commented on Mina’s post… I was wondering what would happen when he saw yours. I’m really glad that he was big enough to bring his feelings to the table and talk it out. That says a lot about his character! Hopefully that has paved the road to whatever the future holds for the three of you :-)
November 3, 2009 at 2:05 pm |
Even though I’m not involved with you at all in real life, I appreciate your honest thoughts. I’ve learned so much from reading this. Reading both sides of both this threesome and the posts about Don and Amy were enlightening and helpful.
November 4, 2009 at 6:53 am |
I would echo the others posts in saying that this is extremely educational for me where my partner and I are considering similar experiences. One question. Are the timelines that appear in the blog the true timelines, sometimes things seem to happen extremely quickly?
xx milla
November 5, 2009 at 1:10 am |
Just my two cents…
The two of you might consider picking the pseudonyms for your (future) playmates, that way a certain level of anonymity can be maintained and your blog – which is all about YOUR feelings and YOUR experiences – can continue on unhindered by the emotional constraints of potentially hurting someone’s feelings for whatever reason or regardless of circumstance. It’s your blog, you have every right to say whatever the hell you want in it! =)
No offense meant to any past/future or present partners added to your boudoir, but if they have an opinion about the night in question – or have to get something off their chest(s)… they can make a blog, too… and it would be welcome! In my opinion, the more people we have ‘vocalizing’ about these kind of lifestyle decisions and putting the word out there, the more enlightened society will be at large and the better off we’ll all be.
November 5, 2009 at 8:20 am |
You and Mina have become almost a unit. Your thoughts and emotions are expressed not only here but more importantly, to each other. The way you communicate is so open and honest. Most couples don’t have that ability. Time, patience,talking ans sharing will most definitely bring the best results with any partner that truly WANTS to be a part of your lives. That person(s) will be truly lucky, indeed.
Thank you so much for sharing this, both of you.
November 7, 2009 at 9:48 am |
I feel for you, having experienced many of the elements you explore in these recent posts. I admire the honesty which you write. It’s easy to be dismissive of our messy emotions on the page when you are anything but dispassionate off it.
My best to you both. x
November 9, 2009 at 1:02 am |
I like that Vic (and you) are both mature enough to discuss things and work it out. It would have been easy for him to get bent and start something over it. He seems like a really good guy. And you aren’t perfect, no one is. You’ll have negative thoughts and the like but at least you’re honest. At least when there is honesty, it helps with the confusion.
As for the blog debate and telling people about it.. I could write a novel. My boyfriend reads my blog and I’m fine with that. He finds out random little things about me that he didn’t know. I was pissed at first because he was reading it behind my back. I got over it because it’s a good thing. Sometimes I wouldn’t tell him things going on in my head because I don’t think he would care to know. I’d post about them and then he would see them and come talk about them because turns out it was something he was happy to know.
People are more open on their blogs it seems. It’s hard to introduce such a raw part of yourself to some people.
November 10, 2009 at 11:38 am |
honesty is always the best way to go, IMHO. if vic hadn’t read your post, then you wouldn’t have talked about what happened (perhaps?)
as a reader, your honesty is why i like your blog so much. if i wanted sunshine and rainbows (figuratively speaking) i’d just read a harlequin romance novel. real life isn’t like that.
also: omg sylvanus you have SO much badass sexy! (sorry but it had to be said ^^;;)