Photographic Wine

Hobbies are wonderful things for people who hate money. Photography is a really good hobby in this way, because it can suck money off in any amount you can dish it out. Right now, my current allotment of equipment that I use for our pictures has run about…*cocks heads*…*counts on fingers*…$600. And it is, by any standard for photographers, a shoestring setup. For instance, this week’s HNT was shot through the cheapest lens I can buy for my camera (which costs an are-you-serious $80) , with a white sheet stapled (yes, stapled) to the ceiling, and a bunch of lamps behind it. At the same time, I love doing it. I love having an idea, and finding a way to show Mina the way I see her. In a bigger way, this is something I would really enjoy being to able do with more people, to explore this concept. In all honestly, I would love to be able to have a buisness doing this sort of boudoir, intimate photography.

However…I think there is a limit to how many people want to come to our little house and stand in front of a sheet stapled to the ceiling. Well, if not my house, I feel safe thinking even fewer people have as little care for the ceilings in their home as I have for the ceiling in mine. Then there is the matter of pulling out a Home Depot-purchased gooseneck lamp, aluminum foil, and a roll of scotch tape as I set up for the colored background. A backdrop frame would be around $80-$100, plus the backdrops. It would be good to get a set of strobes and maybe a footlight, so that would be another $200 or so to get going, and another $80-100 for a softbox. Plus, I’d like to get wider-angle lens, but it needs to be fast (I normally shoot around f/1.8-f/3.0) so, it would cost around $300. Long-term, it would be really good to get a more serious camera body, which would be close to $1000. Don’t forget, this is all shopping in the bargain bins. Times like this I consider the advice of the immortal Mister Miyagi:

I am not one to be squished like a grape…so there’s a decision to be made.

Today, it’s photography “no do.” Maybe next year. Till then, Mina and I will keep having fun, and maybe some friends who find theirselves in our path, or here in the City of Angels will pop up. But for now, it’s time to keep it where it belongs.

HNT ~ Naughty Thoughts

I wonder what she is thinking right now…

—

This photo was from the addition to the Tie album.

Photography

2009 HNT Gallery

Thank you Diva and Best Sex Bloggers for including this HNT in Week in Kink

i love my pussy

I love my pussy.

There I said it.

As much time as I spend bitching about what I don’t like about me, there are certain parts of me I do adore. Like my incredibly long eye lashes, my back, my breasts, my ass and my pussy. (Though I wish my pussy looked more like a porn star’s).

I have a tight pussy. Plain and simple. I’ve never had children. I have never masturbated with insanely huge dildos/objects. I have never been fisted. I’m a small girl which also adds to the small size and tightness.

I would go so far as to say, being with me is like being with a virgin (minus the whole innocence, though I can certainly play the part). Whenever Sylvanus enters me, I always gasp for a second. It always hurts just briefly until my body adjusts to his hardness. When I have gone without for a time (even just a day or two) my pussy goes back to being extremely tight.

I have gone for 3 weeks now without anything going inside my pussy. I’m a little nervous and yet excited for when Sylvanus takes me once more.

He returns tonight.

Nervous, because I know my pussy will need to adjust to his size once more. I know there is going to be that moment of discomfort. Of feeling his cock claiming my pussy once more. Feeling his head push through my folds slowly. Feeling the ridge as he “pops” into me. Here, I gasp. From here the rest comes easy as his shaft pushes it way inside, allowing my pussy to envelop him in my moist and pulsing warmth.

We pause here, savoring the sensation of feeling each other once more as lovers fully embraced. I imagine myself on my back, he above me, his hands on either side of me as he holds himself up. His face watches mine as he enters me, his hips move forward and stop. I can feel his cock twitch within me. My hands reach up and my fingers dig into his back, pulling him into me. I feel his weight as his flesh pushes into my breasts. I pant against him. My hips gyrate slightly. My pussy pulses in arousal and my muscles squeeze around his cock.

He pulls back and I gasp at the feel of his cock moving within me. I feel the ridge of his cock pulling up and along my inner walls. I feel it move all the way to the opening, but just before it can see the light of day once more, he pushes into me. His cock pushes deeper. I gasp and moan. I awaken from my dormant sexual state.

I want all of him. I want him deep inside me. No matter how deep or how hard, it will never be enough. There is an urgency now. I need him. I need him to take me. Claim me as his.

As my pussy is finally stretched and accepting of him, our movements become primal. This is not a fucking. No, this is not a time for fucking. This is love making. Love making that happens between two people who haven’t seen each other in a very long time. There is that need to make love and that hunger for so much more.

His thrusts do not quicken, instead they become measured and precise. He plunges hard and deep. Each thrust pounds into me and I grunt as his hips push against me.

Every thrust, every movement, brings me closer to the edge. I want him to cum. I want to feel that familiar spasm that I have not felt in 3 weeks within me. I want to feel his body tense. I want to feel his cock harden as he thrusts one last time into my pussy. I want to bask in his pleasure as each pulse of his cock signifies his seed being released within me.

His pleasure erupts my own. I clench my muscles around him, as it is my turn to spasm in orgasm.

He collapses next to me as he pulls his cock away. I feel his seed spill out and down to the sheet underneath. I look at him and gaze at the man whom I love so dearly and who loves me in return. The man who furiously made love to me just the way we needed it.

dam… I love my pussy.

a little update

There has been a lot going on around here.

Since my cryosurgery things haven’t been as wonderful as I was hoping they would be. My 3 weeks are over this weekend and Sylvanus and I only had 1 sexual encounter this whole time. Not surprisingly enough, it was on Valentine’s Day.

So my hopes that we would come up with creative and inventive ways to explore each other sexually, without actually having sex, never came into fruition. My road to recovery has been  a difficult one. (warning it is about to get TMI here, you may want to skip to the next paragraph.) There was no pain or anything like that, not after the first day. But, there was a constant watery discharge as things started to heal. It didn’t carry a very pleasant odor with it. So suddenly, I was faced with a reality that oral was out of the question. There was no way I was going to let Sylvanus put his mouth or nose anywhere near that area. No matter how much he insisted that was ok. On top of that, I had a very uncomfortable side effect to all the discharge. I was forced to wear pads or pantiliners at all times, which as anyone who has raised children will know, if you keep an area moist at all times, it starts to develop a rash. So, that’s what happened to me. I started rashing and getting itchy.. yadda yadda yadda… I was in pain, scratched up and sore.

Needless to say, my sexual desire went down the drain.

At the same time, however, Sylvanus said work was keeping him stressed and his drive was also down the tubes. But I couldn’t help feeling bummed that I couldn’t connect with him during this time.

~

Speaking of connections. It has felt like the last 3 weeks, Sylvanus and I have been disconnected and distant. I mean, we spent every night together, but yet, it felt like we weren’t spending any time together. My body and mind were screaming for so much more and at the same time I had no energy to make it happen.

Sylvanus and I talked about this. We talked about the fact that sex is what seems to hold us together intimately. I guess it makes sense since sex is really what brought us together in the first place.

Should we be concerned? I don’t think so. Sex isn’t what keeps us together as a couple. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. I am not with him just for the sex. When I imagine my life without him, it makes me sad. Extremely sad. So I know sex isn’t what holds us together, but it is a serious part of our relationship. Sex is a way for us to connect in a purely intimate way. There is no connection like it. When we are together, the whole world melts away and we are free to express ourselves in the most primal ways.

~

Sylvanus is back east for the weekend. He left Friday night and will be back Sunday night. Not too long for him to be gone. The one really good thing about his return, is that we can be reunited physically. My 3 weeks will be over. (ok maybe it’s a day early but I think I can get away with that).

I don’t imagine the sex is going to be hot and intense. At this moment, I need tenderness and love. I’m emotionally drained.

~

I lost my job on Friday.

I knew this was a possibility for a few months now. I just didn’t know when. I also held on to the hopes that things would level off and I could be safe. But, that’s not going to happen. My entire department is closing down. There will be no job for me even if I stayed.

This is emotionally hard for me. I’m not just losing a job. I know I have been secretive about what I do. There is good reason, as it is very unique and would definitely give me away to anyone who thought they knew who I was. My job isn’t a simple one. I don’t go into an office and sit in front of a computer and just plug away. I can’t just move on to the next job and sit in front of a new computer and plug away. It’s not a dime a dozen job.

My job was based on building relationships. I spent 6, almost 7 years, building close relaitonships. Slowly, I have watched things slip from my fingers. One loss after another. And now I lose it all.

I have 3 weeks tops to finish off my work. I am to do what I can to complete the department closure. If I happen to do that next week, I will still get paid for 3 weeks, plus I get 6 additional weeks of pay as my severance package.

I broke down in tears not too long ago with Sylvanus on the phone. My job isn’t just something that I do… it’s who I am. It defines me. And now.. that’s over.

“but you can just find something else.”

Right now, the thought of finding something else in my field is not appealing. It depresses me. It depresses me to have to go somewhere new and start all over again. To just leave 6 years of my life behind me and rebuild from the ground once more. It’s too hard for me to do right now. There is a mourning period I must go through. It’s like, if you lost your dog today (and I’m assuming you have had a very strong emotional connection to said dog), chances are you have no desire to run out and get a new one. You need the chance to mourn that loss. To mourn that part of you. Only then, can you move on.

I love my job. I was expecting to work there until my working days are over. I was happy there. Yes, there were ups and downs, but every relationship has those. Yes, I only got one day off a week, but mine was a labor of love and at the end of the day, that just didn’t matter.

~

I guess it’s time to start a new chapter in my life. I just had no idea it would be in a completely different book.

HNT ~ Submissive Gaze

As Mina mentioned in the Valentine’s Day story, our romantic night concluded with us back home, and my putting my tie on her, and using that to guide her around. At the end of the night, she hung the tie, still tied in the original knot, on our door, and we saved it until this week’s HNT to share with you.

—

This can be found with the other pics with the tie.

Photography

HNT Gallery 2009

Thank you Diva and Best Sex Bloggers for including this HNT in Week in Kink.

Good Advice

This is a post about the post I wrote, but didn’t post.

I spent roughly an hour tonight beating a post out of my head about the craft of writing, and the integrity of one’s craft…and then, I realized I was bored writing it, and it wasn’t going anywhere. I first decided to save the draft to look at later, but I knew it would go the path of every other post I sent to purgatory when I eventually decided I didn’t like it. So, I decided to heed the advice Peter Farrelly gave to Matt Damon:

At some point, when you are on the verge of unleashing something stupid on the world, it is always good to have that person to pull you back. Sharing this blog with Mina, and wanting this to be a place we can both be proud of, does that for me. So, tonight, I will take their advice, and simply “suck less.”

Happy Wednesday.

best of the best?

*** The following post is MY opinion and no one else’s. I am not speaking for the sex blogging community***

There was a day, about a year and a half ago, when Sylvanus  still lived in the small apartment. We had just begun our journey together and blogging about it on one shared blog. We were (and happily still are) a small speck in the sex blogging sphere. We wrote because we loved to and that’s how we met. We wrote to share our feelings to our readers and ourselves. We wrote to share our happiness and to give others hope. We wrote to be that breath of fresh air in a blogging world so full of drama.

About a year and a half ago, I remember reading a few “well known” blogs and seeing that they were reviewing sex toys. I remember looking at Sylvanus and saying to him, “Wouldn’t it be cool, if one day, our blog became well known enough that people would ask us to review for them? I mean how cool would it be that we could get free toys and all we had to do was review them?”

It wasn’t until 6 months ago that we were given the chance to do just that. Isn’t it interesting how times have changed? Back then it seemed only a few companies were reaching out to sex bloggers and only to the ones that were getting a lot of traffic and considered exceptional writers. Today, well, there are many more companies doing this now and everyone has a chance to take advantage of their generosity.

From all these reviews that have developed, it was only natural that a “best of” list would be created. When I first heard word of such a list being composed, I thought “Cool, I wonder who they will pick?” Sylvanus and I knew we didn’t have a chance. We just weren’t big enough. BUT we didn’t care.

We watched as blogs around us posted the announcement of this list being created. They threw in a few words about “vote for me!” But Sylvanus and I remained silent. We didn’t care.  In fact we quietly composed in our head the list of people who would win.

And wouldn’t you know, they were all at the top of the list?

We are pretty good aren’t we? How about I tell you that I have never read any of these blogs? I would have no clue that their reviews are “the best of the best”.

So how was I able to pull 5 names out of the air and name them as being the top? Yes, that’s right, popularity. See these lists aren’t actually about the best.. but it’s all about who you know. OK Ok.. Let me stop there.. I am NOT saying that the people who did make it to the top of the list did NOT deserve it.

I think the list was a fine idea, but it was badly executed.

Firstly, the people who decided to make the list were also able to include themselves in the “voting”. Hey, that’s cool, why deny yourselves a chance at being the best? But if you are going to do that, why not pitch your idea to an outsider? Have them handle the list and put it together. A third party was asked to handle the scoring for the creators of the list, but really? Do you honestly think you are going to be thrown at the bottom of the list when you asked someone to score you?

Secondly, all blogs being considered had to have done a review at some point in 2008. They were then scored on a scale of one to five in four areas: Content, Organization, Originality, and Regularity. Nominations were also taken into consideration when ties in scoring occurred. (Again, sooo.. you can see how being “popular” helps in the extra scores here right?)

Thirdly, *I* (again I cannot emphasize more here that I made the assumption) assumed the list would be 5 maybe 10 people long. Just a simple little list of who is considered “the best”. But it wasn’t. The list ended up being 75 people strong. The list was intended to rank everyone they could think of (I think).

I think that was a poor decision. Sylvanus and I were happy not being on the list. We never wanted to be on the list, we never thought we had a chance. But then, the list comes out and it’s 75 people strong and we are on it.. at number 72. Now we feel insulted.

I don’t know how the rating system went. I don’t know what was the difference between someone at 42 versus 72.. but Sylvanus and I took a step back and thought.. really?

I sat back and thought, well, one of the factors of rating was regularity. OK, so we have kind of fell of the map on regularity. We haven’t been consistent at all lately. So, there was our downfall.. oh but wait.. there are people in the 40′s who have not reviewed in a really long time and no longer review at all. Hmm that’s not it then.

Then I just look at all the different names on the list. Yes, a lot deserving of their rank. But then I look at a few, much higher up than us, and wonder how could that be? These people write short reviews, maybe just a paragraph long. They take crappy pictures of the product with their cell phones or no pictures at all.

And these people get put above us?

Sylvanus and I have always taken pride of everything we write here. Our reviews are one of them. We started writing reviews of our toys, all on our own. Just because we wanted to. Then,  when we were first approached by a company to review products, we were thrilled and so grateful for their generosity. We wanted to make sure to do them right in our reviews. If a product sucked, we said so. If it was great, we raved about it. We even had fun doing product comparison.

We devoted a lot of time and energy into our reviews. Sylvanus more so than I. He took multiple pictures of the product and wrote up a whole outline of our reviews that started with packaging, appearance, materials and finally putting it to work. Our reviews were not paragraphs thrown into the wind. It consisted of his opinion as well as mine. You got a couples view of a product. Perhaps, this is where we went wrong. Obviously, devoting that much time into a review would make someone burn out after awhile AND clearly, putting that much effort into a review counts for nothing (in some people’s eyes).

Eh, perhaps our reviews just aren’t entertaining enough.

Anyways, there’s my rant. I have been biting my tongue on this since the list came out and thought I was so over it,  until today. Really, I think a “best of” list on anything is really not a “best of” list. Any list created by bloggers on bloggers is bound to be influenced by who knows who. It’s the lists done by outsiders that really count in my opinion. Which is why Sylvanus and I never care to join the drama.

I need to be perfectly clear. This is NOT a jealous rant saying that Sylvanus and I should have been number 1 . Oh god no. Congrats to all at the top of the list. We were pleased to see our friends Freddy and Eddy hit number 19 ( but really, they deserved so much more than 19. This is their lively hood. This is their expertise. They make videos on how to use the products for gawd sakes and are currently trying to revolutionize the whole industry. But can’t complain too much considering they are not sex bloggers) and couldn’t help but chuckle when they said “so and so didn’t make the list? Their reviews are AWESOME!” and “I can’t believe that person even made it on the list!” I personally, value their opinion deeply. I had to remind them that it was just a list created by sex bloggers for sex bloggers.

But this is a post stating that “best of” lists really should be carefully thought out. Otherwise good intentions can turn out to be insults or just turn out bad.

I have purposefully not linked to anyone here (except Freddy and Eddy). This isn’t a personal attack on anyone and so I don’t need to link to specific people. There have been a lot of posts going around about the subject of toy reviewing in the sex blogging world. We even wrote a post about toys in general not too long ago and in fact, I will link to Sylvanus’s post right now so that you can follow what he had to say and then read what others had to say.

So there you have it.. my two cents. I’m sure I’ve made people angry, but hey, it’s just my opinion. Perhaps I spoke up for you, perhaps I didn’t. What does it matter when you are but one tiny speck in the entire universe?

*** please take a moment to read the comment stream. There have been additional thoughts made by both Sylvanus and myself as well as readers. For once, a comment stream here is worth the read. ***

valentine’s rundown

The day began with Sylvanus making us breakfast. Our first “appointment” wasn’t until 2 in the afternoon.

Our morning was relaxing and lazy as we caught up on our TiVo. Which we’ve only managed to put a dent in.

It was time for our appointment and I still had no clue what we were doing. We drove to our local mall and I was left wondering what we possibly could be doing. Well, the surprise was that we met with a woman who helped us set up our wedding registry. That was a lot of fun.

Later that evening, Sylvanus took us to a very classy french restaurant. It was a delicious meal and we had a chance to talk about many things.

Once home, it was time to burn up the romance and show my very patient lover how much I love him. It had been nearly 2 weeks since either one of us took pleasure in our flesh. He took me into the bedroom and undressed me while kissing me. My red dress slipped off my shoulders and down to the floor. My black strapless bra followed shortly after. His kisses covered my breasts and teased my nipples. I gasp as my nipples are extremely sore. (They get this way when I haven’t orgasmed in a long time, it’s what I call my version of blue balls)

He removed his suit and slid his tie off. He put his tie on me and continued to undress. Soon he was at my feet, removing my heels and slipping my pantie hose off. He hoisted me onto the bed and we lay side by side, gently caressing each other.

My hand slid down to his cock. It was hard to my touch, the head wet from his arousal. I stroked him. I rubbed him. I awakened a need in him. His hand went to the tie around my neck and pulled my mouth down to his cock.

I began slowly licking him, getting him moist for my mouth. I took him in and sucked him down. He gasped and moaned.

Being with Sylvanus for as long as I have, I have discovered what makes him burst during oral sex. Just like he knows how to play me, I have learned how to play him into beautiful orgasm.

I begin stroking his hardness in time with the movements of my mouth wrapped around his cock, pumping him. My mouth salivating around him, thick as I take him in deep and gag. I reach my rhythem, pumping him, sucking him, pulling him out of my mouth and plunging him in, swirling my tongue as I do.

His moans escalate and I know he is close. I grin inside as I continue my pleasurable assault on his cock.

Through his moans, he calls to me, telling me he is going to cum. I become fevered in my ministrations. Pumping him harder and faster and then he feeds me what I desire. He yells out his pleasure. I pull away from him, wanting to see the work I have done. In my hands his cock becomes alive. Within my grasp I watch it thump as I feel his cum surge from the base and out the tip. Over and over I am blessed with his orgasm. I thrill in the feel and sight of it. I giggle over the mess I made.

Our night ended with a massage just for me and the promise that as soon as I’m all healed up, there will be a generous licking in my future.

Absentee Fiancee

I hate those days when suddenly I wake up and realize I have been acting like a jerk, or an idiot, or what have you. I had one of those depressing moments of clarity yesterday. I realized that since proposing to Mina, I had mentally checked out of the relationship a bit. Some of it had to do with work, and getting a brutal, and public, reaming at the office. (These are hardly unheardof where I work, but they are still never fun.) After this, I have spent a lot more time at the office, trying to get a hold of my department and re-instill some discipline, and also trying to mend my relationship with my boss a bit.

Unfortunately, that time takes directly away from my time at home with Mina. Then, in the wake of the cryosurgery, Mina has slipped into a funk as the recovery has becomes steadily less comfortable. In her life, the combination of a less-at-home fiancee, and not feeling well yourself is a poisonous mix. Of course, the cycle merely continues as I come home, feeling guilty for the time spent at work (the last hour of which often involves scotch, and my boss pours with a heavy hand) and knowing I am coming home in a state that she doesn’t care for at all, so I don’t feel like I have earned her that day.

When feeling like that, dominance just feels like a greedy, self-indulgent act of thoughtlessness. So, in a lot of ways, our relationship gets pushed into the background, at a time when we should be having more fun planning our wedding, and our life together. but I am only coming through in bursts. I manage to focus on her for a few minutes a day here and there, sneaking on to chat with her in the morning and at lunch, as though that is a substitute for really “being there” at home, both physically and mentally.

And yesterday, as I am sitting on the sofa, I am looking at her face, and enjoying one of those strangely rapturous moments where I just notice how beautiful she is in some way I never have before, and I realize it’s Wednesday, and I feel like I haven’t seen her all week. Then I realize that by being there in body, but not spirit, and by thinking of myself as a guy first, rather than a man in a relationship, I’ve been selling her short. Of course, it is hard to simply snap my fingers and put my life back in the right order. I have to start making the actions reflect my re-discovered priorities, and she has to feel treated in a way that matches how I say I feel.

But, admitting you were wrong is the first step.

Step 1 down…many more to go.

HNT ~ Sleepy

Mina has been tired lately, and her body is still recovering from surgery. I like this picture for this time, it seems to reflect on her need to heal, and the way that our D/s life provides the means for her.