pot stirrer

A few years ago, when Patrick was the man in my life, I revealed to him my sexual blog, which I created due to his absence in my life. That part of my life is over now, and so I closed that chapter. Some of my best writing however, was transferred to my erotica blog.  I enjoyed writing and I enjoyed the extra attention it gave me. I also enjoyed reading what everyone else had to say. I was amazed by people’s stories. I became aware that I wanted some those stories to be my own.  I expressed this need to Patrick. Implied I wanted things a bit rougher. Tie me up and take me. Give my ass a spanking. Use that wooden spoon. My pleas became unanswered and eventually I left Patrick, seeking my happiness, and finding myself in Sylvanus’s arms.

So why this ramble? I started thinking about my time with Patrick. He accused me of being influenced by my blog reading. Had I not been reading blogs of that nature I would not be making these pleas. He had the audacity to say that these dark desires I was having, were fake. They weren’t really who I was. I was letting these blogs influence me.

These blogs did not change who I was. I did not become someone I wasn’t already supposed to be. I would have to say they awakened me. They stirred a desire within me and I became more comfortable at accepting it and embracing it. I just wasn’t with the right person to embrace them with.

-

Life has been busy these days…. weeks. I was away at that conference and upon my return to work, chaos commenced. I am still trying to put my feet down at work. The ground is just not stable right now. Master has also been busy with his own work. Projects have come up difficult, bosses have been ridiculous at times. Needless to say, we are both drained by the end of our workdays.

We have also added a new member to our family. She is a rescued shelter dog. She has completely changed our lives, as most dogs should. I am lucky enough to be able to take her to work with me everyday. (yeah my job is that cool). Our free time is filled with walks and playtime with the new girl.

Small are the moments of writing and reading. I no longer twitter like I used to. There just isn’t much time for social networking. I have enough on my plate. My IM usually goes for days now without being signed in and even when I am, I remain silent and allow others to engage me first.

-

It seems every time Master and I have a hold on our D/s dynamic, life throws us a curve ball.  Perhaps it’s because I am a “pot stirrer” as my psychologist from a few years ago said. I am never satisfied for too long. I eventually need something new in my life. I think it’s just a matter of me being a true Gemini. My nature makes me unable to settle to routine. I always need to change things up a bit.

I think that’s the beauty of living in a D/s relationship. Things are different. I never know what Master wants from me. Sometimes he wants to fuck me and use me till I am sore. Sometimes he wants me to suck his cock. Other times he wants to pleasure me, either by oral or just by a simple back massage.

But our D/s dynamic has curved again. Busy jobs, a new dog…. life has taken over. Things seem to be a bit vanilla. The Gemini in me wants more… I can feel my blood settle. I need to stir the pot once more, get things going.

-

Perhaps the reason why things have seemed to settle is also because my blog reads have gone down (though I have caught myself up again). So, I am back to thinking about Patrick once more and what he said. Reading blogs did not influence me to become someone I am not. However, they have inspired and awakened me. But not reading as much as I used to seems to be influencing how I feel lately. I am not feeling particularly sexual lately.

It is not sex that I need. I do not need to fuck my Master… I have a different need. I have this need to serve him once more as his submissive. I want to feel connected to him, as my Master once more. I want to please him. I want to do as I am told. Even if it is just to sit at his feet.

I am happy with my life with Master. I hope to spend the rest of it with him. My Gemini nature is rearing her playful  head. My blood is settling and the pot needs to be stirred. Inside a voice is screaming for release. It is time to be embraced once more. This voice needs to be heard.