my submission ~ pt lll

Continued from Intro, pt l, pt ll

In Sylvanus’s last post, he brings up that he does not want me taking too much initiative. For example, getting up and doing some type of chore in the house. He would like me to ask first. I found this a bit silly that I should have to ask to clean the kitchen. He told me not to focus on whether or not the task is good. He told me to just focus that as his submissive, there are things that I must ask permission for. He goes on to tell me that asking him if I may perform certain tasks, gives him the opportunity to say yes or no and to change things around. If I ask him if I may clean the dishes after we’ve eaten, it gives him the opportunity to say yes and I will help you. If I ask him to take a shower, he may say, no… I want to give you a bath tonight.

I think this is a very loving thought.

Now, this subject of initiative leads me to think about assumption. Which was one of my many thoughts as I began writing this series on my submission.

When Sylvanus left last weekend, the only thing he left me was the letter. He left me no instructions and no requirements. It left me having to take initiative or having to assume things. I don’t want to make assumptions on how to be, according to things that I have read from other blogs. As a dominant, Sylvanus is more than welcome to take ideas from other places… and I thrill that he often does… but as my dominant, I desire him to tell me the way things should be.

I know he feels I take too much initiative .. but I am left making assumptions when there are gaps. When he is home, there is no question on how I should behave. But when he is gone, there is room for interpretation.

I have to admit I was a little sad that his letter did not include a brief list of things for me to follow during the weekend… however, my sadness quickly faded as Sylvanus began giving me instructions over the phone. There was one call that had me masturbating for him as he drove down the highway. Later that same evening, I was instructed to masturbate once more and record it for him. Comically enough, the second masturbation occurred because Sylvanus’s cell dropped the call right as I was cumming for him!

In order for me to be a good little submissive, I need as much guidance I can possibly get from my loving Master. Without one, there can not be another. Sylvanus and I are connected on a profoundly deep level. I find it difficult to wake up and leave him every morning to go to work. More than anything I want to stay in the bed with him and welcome the dawning of the day in his arms. I want to kiss him and send him off to work.. and as he works hard and earns his income, I want be home.. taking care of our home. Be his submissive and follow the tasks he would like me to complete.

When we have to separate for longer than a day, I am sad and miss him deeply. If anyone tells you that couples who engage in D/s relationships are cold and disconnected…. so so .. wrong. Both Sylvanus and myself agree that all aspects of our D/s relationship have brought us so much closer. It has created such an intense and intimate bond. I can not imagine my life without him… and hopefully I never have to.

For my next entry, I must answer the final question… why do I submit?