Continuing from Introduction and part l …
In part l, I briefly talked about how I act when collared versus when I am not… however, I did not answer this question:
What does the collar mean to you?
The collar itself, is merely a symbol of my submission. It is a physical and touchable element of my submission. When I wear it, it means I am his submissive and must behave as such.
The collar is comforting. I want to wear it many times when he and I are not together. I have worn the collar every night to sleep while he has been gone this weekend.
But if the collar is merely a symbol, shouldn’t I act as his submissive at all times? I am his submissive no matter what.
Would things change once we find the perfect public collar? It will mean that I am collared at all times. How would my submission change? Would it? Does Sylvanus want to have ownership of me at all times? If a co-worker asks me out to lunch.. will I have to call him first and ask?
These are all valid questions that will most likely have to be explored when that time comes. For right now, I think it wise to take my submission one step at a time.
I do know that my collar means a lot to me. Sylvanus, on the morning he left for his trip, took my collar away from me. Why? because he felt I wasn’t being his submissive. Which is what fueled the letter that is creating all these posts.
In the still of the morning, as the sun began to rise, tears streamed down my cheeks. I was devastated that he forbade me to wear the collar while he was away. It truly is a symbol of my submission and not being able to wear it means I have failed.
Not long after, he took me, and we fucked one last time before he had to leave. During his post orgasmic bliss, he gave me permission to wear the collar while he was away. However, I have chosen not to put it on. I wanted him to tell me to. As he said, it is he who puts it on and he who takes it off. That is how I want it too.
Lucky for me, he has asked me to do so every night. Plus, I get to wear my chains to bed. After finishing this post, I am to strip naked, wear my collar and chains and use lily and the njoy pleasure wand to bring me to orgasm. I am to record this for my Master.
So I will end this post here.. with more to come.
April 6, 2008 at 6:13 am |
When I was first exploring with my Master the collar was sort of like a switch. I put it on and I was submissive, but when it was off I felt…. ‘normal’. Now that I’m permanently collared (I have a public collar that never comes off except to be cleaned) I am to behave submissive all the time, and while I do have slips the collar is there to remind me of what I have surrendered.
Perhaps, while right now you don’t know how you will be submissive all the time, you will begin to understand that for submission, it becomes a part of who you are and you won’t need the switch anymore.
April 6, 2008 at 7:30 am |
You have touched on a lot of my thoughts surrounding the the purpose of the collar. I think you can agree that there are a lot of practical reasons to have a “switch” for your submission, as it would be very difficult for you to really function on a day-to-day basis, especially in your line of work, as a submissive who is constantly being governed by her Master. Further, I also wish to reserve times where I may wish to function in a more vanilla fashion. At the very least, I would like to have the option.
And it is these practical aspects that I am never truly able to fully separate from my thinking on how we work. It is always important to me that your submission not impair your success in life, outside our relationship. As much as I enjoy my dominance, and the experience of having you relinquish all of your power to me is intrinsically arousing, I also know that I am not (nor can I be) ever-present in your life, and your spirit that has let you not only function, but thrive on your in life is perhaps the most attractive thing about you to me.
As I think about it now, I think the fact that someone like you chooses to submit, someone who has proven she doesn’t need a man in her life to survive, but who is with me because she chooses to be, is what makes your submission so uniquely arousing. I don’t want for that to go away, and, as I said, it would be hard for you to function if it did. But the need to shape one’s action around the wishes of their lover is common to all relationships. But instead of shaping your actions, you are giving up the right to make decisions.
As Lestat said, “There is the issue of practicalities!”
April 6, 2008 at 8:33 am |
again, Awesomeness! See that is why i read ur blog now, It is the insight like this, that helps me as i am trying to figure out the D/s concept, and the Dynamic of what the D/s relationship is.
Have a Great Day!
David Shorb
April 7, 2008 at 7:40 am |
let us know when you find that perfect public collar. i am still getting the feeel of mine and my master has chosen to put mine on and off. i enjoy wearing mine to bed as well…thank you for these thoughtful words.
xx, m
April 7, 2008 at 8:37 am |
I think the reality is that the 24/7 dynamic you read about on the web is the fantasy. The reality is very different yet rich, fulfilling and as complicated and quirky as any vanilla realtionship!
The secret is that it is NO different!
People have to function outside a fantasy world. I wear his collar all the time – my “daytime” one passes – just – if you want a pic of it let me know. Anyone in the “know” would recognize it for what it is – otherwise, my coworkers see it has indicative of my eclectic taste!
There are small, subtle ways of confirming your dynamic with each other. Silly things – making his lunch every day; ensuring his favourite coffee beans are ALWAYS there; filling his vitamins up each week …
but then again, outside our dynamic, I am assertive, capable and independent – the same as Mina, as Sylvanus so beautifually puts above – why he LOVES his Mina! D. feels the same way – otehrwise, as he points out – where is the joy? it is BECAUSE Mina is who she is (and I am who I am) that our Doms find the submission wonderful.
The bottom line is that each of us must get through our days – I find it is the little rituals (I take him in my mouth every single morning, without fail and every single evening) – the small things, that maintain the dynamic – one does not need to walk around in chains to assert it – in fact, how wonderfully powerful are the light touches that nonetheless confirm ownership! The hand on the neck, the quick touch between thighs, the “look” …
April 7, 2008 at 11:24 am |
I love watching the two of you define the ways to govern your relationship. It can be a very tough and challenging discussion to make sure that you are both on the same page as to your approach and how you want things to be.
Thank you for sharing this aspect of things. In a way it is much more intimate than the more explicit posts you share. Thank you for letting us see this glimpse into the other side.
April 7, 2008 at 10:35 pm |
These last few posts were nothing short of amazing. The questions that Sylvanus presented are very thought provoking.
I sat for a while and contemplated on how I would have answered those questions, and it is not easy.
With Andrea and i, when i would wear my leather collar, I needed to obey everything that she asked of me. She awarded me freedom to move about and do whatever I wanted, but if she called, I answered and obeyed. She was very considerate and knew that when i was writing music, the creative process is very delicate, and she would never interrupt me.
In public, I wore my dog tags, and again the same rules applied.
I was collared at all times and it made me feel very secure and loved – that is what it meant to me. Some people exchange wedding vows and rings; I gave Her my submission, love and devotion, and She gave me a collar, Her love, guidance, and devotion.
There are people who engage in true 24/7 power exchange, and we did it for PLAY at times, but it was not part of our real D/s lives. Our life was very simple – I put Her on a pedestal and worshiped the ground she walked on because I loved her more than anything in the world. And because of that love I had for her, I gave myself to her 100%, and she excepted that gift, and never abused it, because she loved me the same.
I want to write more, but I just received a phone call that my grandfather most likely will not make it through the night, and I heading to the hospital now.
Great posts mina, and excellent questions, Sylvanus – when I know what is happening with my grandfather, I am going to explore those questions more.
Ciao,
m.
April 7, 2008 at 10:38 pm |
LOL, That is accepted, not excepted – my mistake, that is when I received the phone call.
April 8, 2008 at 12:49 pm |
lunakm~
Yes I think you are right. He and I are still growing and learning. I will find my place soon!
Sylvanus~
Master, your words to me fuel the breath of my life. Thank you for your wonderful words. I look forward to taking this journey together.
The Muscle Bound Geek~
Thank you so much. I am glad you are enjoying this.
m ~
The blog world will be the first to know and see my public collar!
selkie~
Thank you so much for such a wonderful comment. You speak true words. I can never give up who I am and Sylvanus would never want me to. I enjoy being able to become a good submissive as well as be the person I am. It will after all, be just another part of me.
Mark~
Thank you for a wonderful compliment. I enjoy writing about the thoughts and emotions that run through my body and mind more than giving everyone a play by play of our sex life. I enjoy sharing these intimate things and can only hope someone out there finds value to my words.
Marcello~
Firstly my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. Thank you for a wonderful comment. It continues to be a very thought provoking question and there is still much more to write down. I enjoy reading your views on submission and will look forward to hearing more of your thoughts as well.
xoxoxoxox mina