my submission ~ introduction
April 4, 2008 by Mina
Sylvanus is gone. He left for the weekend to go visit family. Which leaves me here by myself. Since moving into the house, it seems like I left something behind. My submission. In all honesty, I have not been a very good submissive. As he said to me, “It’s been a long time since I’ve called him Master or asked for permission.” I wear my collar, but it seems to be just a necklace. It doesn’t make me into the submissive it should. Or rather, it isn’t influencing my behavior.
Sylvanus asked me to think and answer a few questions about my submission. He has not left me any instructions or requested that I do a writing assignment. This is what I call taking initiative. Like I did this morning when he pushed my head to his engorged cock and told me I couldn’t suck it… so instead I licked it… passionately. He was surprised. I guess he thought I was just going to smell his arousal. How could I not taste him?!?
So I thought I would compose many posts this weekend exploring my submission. The following is his letter to me which I will be answering as best as I can. I welcome any fellow submissive to consider these questions as well. They are very thought provoking and not easy to answer.
“What does your submission mean to you?
- What parts of your will do you give up?
- What do you keep?
- Why do you submit?
What does the collar mean to you?
- how will you be different collared versus not?
I am not asking this in the hopes that you will say what I have already decided. I ask so that we evolve together as lovers and Master and submissive.
I love you,
-S”
I will be taking some time to break these down and explore them… more posts to appear soon.
After reading some of your blog to My Daddee this past week, he asked me why I never commented…Well, I am now. In answer to Your Master’s question, “Why do you submit?”, I will share with you what My Master said to me…You submit to “S” because it meets your needs and “S” dominates you because it meets his needs. But, not only that - because that sounds…ummm..selfish. You give your submission to “S” because it meets his needs and “S” dominates you because it meets your needs. On the surface, the D/s relationship seems selfish. But, in reality it is selfless. Because really - at the bottom of it all - it is about meeting your partner’s deepest longings, desires and secrets. And giving them permission to be who they really are…and hopefully making them feel completely loved and accepted just as they are. Does that make sense to you? I hope so…and I hope my feeble attempt to communicate My Master’s Wisdom will please Him. Mina…I come back to your site over and over again. I want you to know that it is contibuting to the growth of the most beautiful, intimate and authentic relationship I have ever, ever known. Thank you!!!
I’m not a very experienced submissive, but in my relationship, I’m finding that when my Sir doesn’t listen to me, doesn’t hear me, doesn’t sense what I’m feeling or what I need - then my desire to please him and submit to him is reduced. I still obey him, but I don’t feel joy at doing so. I am more likely to lapse in my obligations.
So if you are experiencing a shift in your behavior or attitude, I would consider it from the human relationship point of view, not so much from the D/s dynamic. They are inextricably bound.
[...] 5, 2008 by Mina This is a continuation from the introduction. “What parts of your will do you give up? What do you [...]
[...] 5, 2008 by Mina Continuing from Introduction and part l [...]
What does your submission mean to you?
Hmmm- very though provoking. Foe me personally my submission is selflessness…it means i am able to willfully give myself to my Master; physically, mmentally and emotionally IN THE WAY HE WISHES ME TO. i think submission can unffortunately easily become a brainwashing element where a sub or slave automates answers to a question like this with “i do whatever Master wants me to” but if a sub / slave does not educate themselves to WHAT ytheir Master/ Mistress wants this becomes simply talking out the ass. To me, there is as much to be said for me knowing WHAT my Master wants me to surrender to Him as there is the actual mindset or act of doing so.
What parts of your will do you give up?
Because of the type of relationship i am fortunate to have with my Master i can speak honestly when i say anything and all that he asked i would give. He is my best friend, my Master and my Husband and understands all that goes on in Our lives. i wish to share everything with Him; the good, the bad, thebeautiful and the ugle. i am confident that the things i hold dear and wish not to hand over to Him would be things He would never wish for me to give up.
What do you keep?
my soul due to my personal beliefs and upbringing i cannot and donnot have the ability to give up my soul. If even concievable Master would never want me to do so i am certain.
Why do you submit?
Another hmmm…. at first, honestly, i looked at the BDSM lifestyle with intriguement through rose colored glasses. After i began more reasearched i had internal battles with wheether i fit more into the categorization of Mistress or slave. You see, i admit i am a mashmellow- burnt campfire one at that. Very hard and dark on the outside due to my upbringing and life’s course and very emotional and soft and light on the inside (the truth of who i am). Educating myself about BDSM lead to an understanding of myself in so many more ways i have ever known; i found that life has thrown so much at me and i have been forced in many situations to be in control and been miserable. Nothing is more comforting than to be able to be nmy true inner self for my Master- so there is my reason; i submit because it allows me to be who i really am.
What does the collar mean to you?
To me a collar is similar if not more meaningful than a wedding ring. It means i devote myself to my Master in everyway possible for me. Having it on (unless prevented by a regulation of attire somehow) allows me to feel as though i am doing what is pleasing to my Master. Feeling Master clip nipple clamps from my collar to my breast or attach a leash means He is in a mood to conrol and use his slave- yep that’s my fav!
how will you be different collared versus not?
i have had situations of not being collared and i think it depends on the given situation; if i am not collared due to Master having taken it away from me i feel guilt, loss, complete misery. However, if i am not collared due to having to remove the coller for circumstances of regulatory attire, i can deal with it but still feel a part of me is missing. In the later case i would relate it to not having my wedding ring; but for some reason (which would become an entire post in itself) the collar seems much more meaningful in many ways.
~vie
wow- i got so compelled with analysis of answering these that i forgot to thank you mina for sharing and welcoming consideration- hope it is ok that i replied with the thoughts i have. And thanks to your Master, Sylvanus as well for provoking much thought! I just lost a very close and dear loved one and it was very nice to re-focus on something other than that right now - and i apologize for possibly going on a bit too much!
Mina- i look forward to reading your follow up as well!
~vie AGAIN
Libo~
Thank you for your comment. Yes I have to agree with everything you said.. and that is the very baseline of my submission and his dominance… and I want to explore the specific why I do it.
Vestri ~
Your thoughts are very true. I think the recent failing of my submission did have something to do with Sylvanus. He had been stressed about some personal things and at times I did not feel he was acting as Master.. so yes, it made me not be a good little submissive.
Viemoira~
Wow… such a wonderful view! And do not EVER apologize! Our blog is not only a place for us to express but for our readers as well! So please.. say what you like and take up as much space as you want. I hope you are healing from your loss.
xoxoxox mina
[...] 9, 2008 by Mina Continued from Intro, pt l, pt [...]