Spanking Raises Chances of Risky, Deviant Sexual Behavior
Researchers have discovered a link between being spanked as a child and liking it as an adult. Money quote:
There is a “dose response” at work here. “The more parents spank, the higher the probability of harmful side effects,” Straus noted.
Of course, there’s a similar dose response for smokers. But if someone reaches the age of 65 without developing lung cancer, it doesn’t mean that smoking isn’t harmful. It means the person was one of the lucky ones.
It’s the same with spanking, Straus said. “If a person says, ‘I was spanked, and I don’t have any interest in bondage and discipline sex, that’s correct, but it’s not because spanking is OK, it’s because they’re one of the lucky ones.”
Reading this, and the remarkably smug tone behind it, gnaws at me at a lot of levels. There is a bizarre presumption that BDSM is unhealthy, a disease you can catch to be avoided if you are lucky. After all, we all know that you have to be seriously damaged goods to enjoy getting spanked while being lovingly banged like a cheap gong at a preschool. To say nothing of the sort of sicko who would want to give a little pinch to his partner’s nipples while romantically drilling her like she had the last drop of oil on earth in her ovaries. Who the hell could possibly want to spice up the experience of riding a cock till you leave a horseshow of blue marks on the man’s hips by scratching his chest? Dear God, what is wrong with those people?!
Now, my take on this is that the author is hell-bent against childhood spanking, and is using the threat of raising an S&M freak as a cudgel to frighten parents. After all, who wants to think of their adorable 2 year old graduating from Bert and Ernie to Freddy and Eddy? No father wants to think of his little daughter on all fours begging to get whipped and getting off on it. And hey, if you think spanking’s a bad idea, I pretty much agree with you. But I am deeply annoyed at the presumption that someone could only be into BDSM as a response to childhood abuse or some sort of mental defect.
The fact is, that like every other sexual kink, people enjoy BDSM to their own degree. It can absolutely be taken to an unhealthy extreme, just like every other human activity. And yes, there are many people who fetishize it far more than I, and they often leave me feeling creepy. But, the thing is, I am not arguing that we have a healthy level of engagement in BDSM, so we are proof it can be okay. That is a narrow-minded, self-interested argument.
I argue that any level of interest in BDSM is not representative of any sort of mental or development defect. One could, in a different social setting, make the same arguments for, say, oral sex, if it were viewed as especially taboo. Here in the US, oral sex is accepted, so craving a blowjob is never taken as some sign that mommy didn’t kiss you enough. So, why do we feel like BDSM is some sort of disease whose cause must be found so we can cure it?
I have another view, The lesson I draw from this is that a person’s sexuality, much like the rest of the person, is shaped heavily by their parents. We know that some people are natural neat freaks because of their parents, or that they love the Red Sox because their daddy did. So, perhaps we shouldn’t go around with the pretense that every part of the person but their sexuality is shaped, to some degree by their parents. And then, as another step, liking a spanking, or a belting, or simply liking being fucked hard shouldn’t be seen as any different than liking pizza more than steak. But to listen to people talk about a kink, a simple kink no different in nature than oral sex, doggie style, missionary, or preferring any other aspect of sex, with the assumption that it is a terrible thing cannot go with comment.
And if Mina loves her spankings because her Daddy spanked her…lucky me. And lucky her that she has something she loves that so easy to get. Like she did an hour ago, just before I started writing this post. And yes, I fucked her, too. Wonder why she likes that…
Unfortunately, here in the US oral sex is NOT necessarily accepted. There were still so-called sodomy laws in a number of states at the time of the Supreme Courts Lawrence decision in 2003. And there are plenty of people who condemn any kind of sexual act that can’t lead to babies,
whether because the man is cumming into a condom or into his partner’s ass or into his/her mouth.
There will always be people passing judgment on how we find pleasure, not to mention condemning the outrageous idea that we might be doing things PURELY for pleasure.
As for me, I was never ever ever spanked as a child. That was a no-no. Now of course… (damn, just thinking about it is making my cunt twitch…)
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You are completely right here. When I said that, I was thinking from the psychological/therapeutic standpoint of, “If I were to go to a therapist with a wife who never gave me head, would the therapist assume there is something wrong with me?” versus, “If I were to go to a therapist with a wife who never let me spank her, would the therapist assume there is something wrong with me or her?” And, I think in that case, it’s fairly obvious how things would unfold.
But, to go to your point, legally, there are many, many laws that I would like to think are archaic, but I know from having lived in the places that have them that trying to repeal those laws would be political suicide with those constituencies, even if they don’t especially want them enforced. Blue laws (regarding limiting buisness activity on Sundays, especially alcohol sales) are also similarly untouchable. In fact, I remember A guy running for the Alabama state senate whose campaign URL was saveoursundays.org. I first heard of him because he had listed an unaccredited (read: mail-order) PhD on his campaign resume.
But getting back to the legal part, as Andrew Sullivan pointed out, we are all sodomites now: ”
I understand that this comes from the religious (not necessarily Biblical) idea that the root of much evil comes from the pursuit of sexual pleasure, and that by confining it to its absolutely necessary function, they hope to purge us of the sin. But this line of thinking leads to this “every sperm is sacred” mentality for sodomy, and to even more wicked things like female circumcision, and debatably male circumcision as well.
You’re right, there is much to be done. Much of what Mina and I do could land us both in jail if someone took it upon themselves to prosecute us.
-S
I was spanked a single time as a child (one swift, hard swat) and I have a total interest in bondage and discipline sex.
However I consider MYSELF one of the lucky ones for developing that interest, I wonder what that guy would say about that.
I don’t think a spanking as a child is that harmful, but if it’s done in a school by a teacher as humilation thats another thing, if a loving parent does it to show that you did something very wrong there is nothing wrong with that, it should not be used all the time like you see some people using it, as for adults it can be a wonderful erotic experience, as long as it doesn’t cross the line into abuse.
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I agree here, but I do take issue with the provision of “as long as it doesn’t cross the line into abuse.” I believe that provision applies to any kink without being said. By putting it in there, it has the effect, to me, of trying to re-assure whomever you are talking to, “Don’t worry, I’m one of the good ones.” That, in turn, implies that there is a serious problem with people who are not “good ones.” I prefer to do anything I can to marginalize those people, and that includes not acknowledging them as a “special problem.” Even though Mina and I are “good ones” by almost any definition, I don’t want to take that out.
-S
Interesting you should mention this. I heard of this same study. And have thought long and hard over it and it just makes me shake my head and laugh.
What…the…fuck……..
Seriously. They don’t have better things to ‘study’?!
Gah.
I really don’t think being spanked as a child and enjoying spanking or BDSM as an adult are connected for the vast majority of people.
That said, however, I recently spanked my son (not proud of that – we are running out of discipline options with him) and was a little disturbed to find that he seemed to enjoy it.
Odd.
Those researchers just have to recognize that their little Princess is my dirty little whore! Satan made me say that.
But seriously, the same pundits who deplore such things as deviant can be found jerking off to fecal matter and squished mice. The general population’s fear of being abnormal as compared to our eschewing(is that a word ?) the mundane as ‘vanilla’.
I was never ever ever spanked as a child. My parents thought very strongly against it because that is how they were disiplined. They hated it and didnt want to put me through the trauma. I am sure that they have never heard of this study and perhaps would thank the lord that they never did spank me, HOWEVER, I love to be spanked. BDSM is interesting to me, but Im not fasinated and fully involved in it. I might be the only one like this, but thats ok…I like my wholesome childhood and my slightly fucked up later years.