submissive needs

 *** Thank you Always Aroused Girl for flesh botting this post! *** 

I think that the most amazing thing about growth in a relationship is realizing where you are going and how things effect you mentally. As I walk down this path of submission, with Amorphous paralleling down his own path of dominance, I question things continually.

Is this me or a role?

Am I really a “submissive”?

The answer that I have come up with, beyond reasonable doubt… Yes… yes this is me and yes I am submissive. If Amorphous and I found ourselves separated, I can not go back to the way things were. I can not go back to dating the “vanilla”. I crave more… all the time more… I can settle for no less than kink. The challenge will be, how do I find a “functioning deviant”? But thankfully, I do not have to worry about such things.

The last time Amorphous raised a hand on me, was when we photographed our HNT almost 2 weeks ago. Friday last, made it 1 week and 2 days since Amorphous touched me in a dominant manner. When Monday last came around, I was frazzled, not feeling well, couldn’t handle the work day. More than anything I did not want to be there. I went home early, only spending 2 hours at work. The rest of my work week was spent exhausted. Each day was a new effort. All I wanted to do was go back home. I couldn’t wait for the day to be over.

By Friday, I was feeling out of place. I was completely out of sorts. I needed something. I craved something. I wasn’t myself. And then it dawned on me. It dawned on me that Amorphous had not dominated me in well over a week. Could this be it? Could this be the reason? It would prove that I truly am submissive.

Not able to hold my silence any longer. I told Amorphous, over Twitter, that I wanted to feel his belt, that I needed it. He informed me that it was up to him to decide what I needed, but my wishes were not ill received.

Friday night, as I’m sitting in his living room chair, typing away on the laptop, Amorphous pulls up a wooden chair and places it in the middle of the living room. He politely asks me if I’m working on something important, before shutting my laptop and taking my hand and leading me to the center of the room. I’m wearing a tshirt and pajama pants. He pulls me over his knees and pulls down my pajama pants. He is pleased to see I have no panties on.

He begins by spanking me over and over. He feels my slit and loves my arousal, my wetness. I hear him pull the belt out and he wails on me some more. It’s what I needed. He places me on my knees and he does something he has never done before. He slaps me. I like it.

He gets up and pulls me by the shirt collar (I insist I had her ponytail.) into the bedroom, my pajama pants trailing behind me. On the floor he continues my beating. He used his belt and beats me all over my back and ass. He slaps me a few more times. My whole back and backside are heated. He stops, removes his clothes and throws each article on top of me as they are removed. I can feel the heat of my welts and feel my submission strongly.

I gaze up at him and see the beauty of my submission … his cock… erect… and proud. I love that. I love seeing how my beatings arouse him.

The domination ends with him taking me. Fucking me hard. Cumming his lust deep within me. Saying he was certain I would use my safe word. I scoffed him for such non sense. “Then why do we have one?” he asks….. “Just in case”, I answer. “Just in case.”

-

The following morning awakens him once more. The beast is anew. He is hungry and yet I crave more as well. He uses everything in his arsenal. The crop, the paddle his hand. All over my back he beats me, my ass, my thighs, my calves, my feet … he hits me in the same places as the night before. He refreshes the hurt. He makes the marks deeper… darker.

I moan, I yelp, I groan, I scream, stifling my noise into the mattress…. and then… a new experience enters my body, my soul… a new release… I feel it building within me. The lump grows large in my throat, the tears appear in my eyes… I want to cry … I am going to cry.

Amorphous stops… I whimper. He leans in and speaks the words that tell me he is done beating me. I continue to whimper as he flips me over.

He begins making love to me, slow and gentle. I take him in willingly. The lump in my throat still very much present as I melt into him.

After making love, Amorphous tells me he thought I was going to cry. I told him I was. I told him it would have been ok if I did. I wouldn’t be horrified if I did. It was my body releasing. I would have never thought he was horrible.

“you know I love you.” he says.

“I do,” I answer. “I know all you do is out of love. I never doubt that.”

“I didn’t want to see you cry. I was not ready for that. But that’s not to say it will stop me next time.”

I grin inside. Dam I love this man.