mina’s journey (part 1)

Those of you who have ventured over to Amorphous’s blog, have a little bit of an understanding of where he is coming from and what journey he has taken so far. If that isn’t enough, he also posted this… a little background on how we became joined. I’ve decided, perhaps it’s time that I tell my story. Not necessarily for you all to read it, but more so for me to see it, live it, recognize it and move on from it.

During the last few months of my high school years, I became very smitten with a boy, we shall refer to him as Rick. He was shy and I was outgoing. I don’t know why, but I liked him and so I persued him. After graduating high school, it took a week or two before we spoke. I found his picture and he had written his phone number on it. I had done the same for him, but I knew he wouldn’t make the first move…. so I called him. And thus began our relationship. Not long after that, we found ourselves on a private beach and we consummated our relationship with a kiss. At this point I was not a virgin, but he was. About a month into our “official” relationship, Rick gave me the gift of his virginity.

We had a good relationship. The first 3 years were fabulous. Fabulous defined by teenagers of course, we were both under 20 at that time. Sure we hit some rocky points, but we stuck together. Sexually, we enjoyed each other. We role played, used props and very often used massages as our foreplay. We had good times together. Of course at this time, I am still a growing woman, not fully aware of who I am as a person or as a lover.

So the first 3 years of our relationship went by very quickly. He was in and out of college and jobs. I stuck to my jobs, college and my dream career. Finally, after the 3 year mark I had landed the school of my dreams to train in my dream career and Rick had finally focused on a career of his own.

While I was in college, we moved in together (with roommates), but Rick was away ALOT with his job, but I was ok with that. My training took up a lot of my time. My relationship was falling apart, but I didn’t care, I was to involved with my schooling to care.

After graduating, Rick and I got a place of our own and it took about one year before I realized … we weren’t going to work out. Mind you, we have hit the 6 1/2 year mark. I spent 6 1/2 years with this man. I thought we were going to be married. I’m glad we didn’t.

Rick had no life ambitions. He quit college. He worked a job he enjoyed, but he never took it seriously. He would show up late. At home, he spent most of his time in front of the tv or the computer. I needed more in my life. There was no passion between us. I was no longer in love with him.

So we ended things, and I moved out on my own.

Once on my own, I enjoyed a lot of casual dating. I wasn’t looking for anything specific. And one day, Ethan came into my life.

He was literally, fresh off the boat from Europe. I’ll spare you the details of our relationship, but here is what you do need to know. I fell for him. I fell for him hard. I was afraid of losing him and so I gave him everything. I asked him to move in with me. I worked 2 jobs so that I could support us. I bought a new car so he could have my old one. What did he do? He was going for his dream job… acting. He worked a few days a week at a restaurant and all that money went to his cell phone and head shots. I asked him to help me out aound the house, but he wouldn’t, saying it was a woman’s job. Are you hating him yet?

Yeah… but for some odd reason.. I was deeply, madly in love with the guy. I WANTED him to be the one. I tried everything to be “ok” with our relationship. I loved him and told him so. He apologized and said he didn’t love me. Not yet. That he needs time to fall in love. I believed him and continued on my merry way. I told myself that it was ok, I tried to convince myself that I could live like this.

One day it wasn’t enough. One day I woke up and I didn’t love him anymore. But instead, a terrible thing happened… I was beginning to hate him. I told him to pack his things and move out. I knew he had a place to go, so I wasn’t being cruel. He left, but never really left. He kept my apartment keys and kept coming around. I’d ask him to give them back and he wouldn’t.

Not long after I told him to move out, I found myself in bed with another man, a comfort fuck I guess you could call it. Ethan caught us and though we had been broken up, he didn’t view it that way. After my “guest” left and I went to the gym, I returned with Ethan still in the apartment. This is a moment I will never forget.

He grabbed me by the arm, harshly and pushed me to the couch. He banged my head against the wall. He slapped me. He called me a “slut”, a “bitch” and a “whore”. He picked up a chair in his anger and swung it around. I thought he was going to kill me. Instead he just spoke his words and slapped me. Grabbing my hair he banged my head against the wall continually.

And when it was over and I was in tears, flinching everytime he moved his arms, he informed me that he would not leave till I sucked his cock till he came. He also told me that he would have fucked me right then and there, but he felt my cunt was dirty since I had another man there. So instead he’d fuck my mouth. I was afraid. I just wanted him to leave. I begged him no. His grip on my hair never lightened. And so, in tears, underneath the sobbing, I sucked him till he came. And then he left.

Ethan left, but he was never gone. He still had control over me. I went into a dark place. I wanted him out of my life.

Then Patrick came into my life. With his help, Ethan left my life for good. Patrick became my night in shining armor. We fell for each other quickly. I was scared I was moving too fast. I didn’t want the same thing to happen with Patrick that I had happen with Ethan. But Patrick made me believe once more… and so I fell for him …

-

It seems that maybe this post is getting to be a bit long. So I will stop things here and maybe resume them again tomorrow. Thank you for taking the time to read thus far. And I hope this gives you a better understanding of who I am. I will finish my tale of Patrick and will be dipping into Amorphous. Hope you’ll stick around …