Monday Moanings – swish swish (a video)

Welcome to this week’s #MondayMoanings. I created Monday Moanings for this blog, as a way to make everyone’s Monday a little brighter and hopefully get the new work week off to a better start for everybody!

 swish swish

 

As you read this, I have most likely already boarded my plane to the US and am getting ready for the doors to close so we can depart. As a little treat I decided to share with you a video. Some people have already seen this video through Fetlife, or I deemed you special enough to see it in private. Well, I decided to go ahead and share it with the world since my tail seems to be adored by so many. This just means you special individuals will just have to have a special new video. *wink* 

Click this link to enjoy my video posted on my posterous blog. 

I do hope you enjoy my little video. Sorry it is not perfect quality as it was edited down for email, but hey, I am sure you can deal. :-) Have a great week everyone and I will see you when I see you… next stop…. CALIFORNIA! 

xo mina

© At Longings End 

Missed out on past #MondayMoanings? See those here. 

Bad Things

Over the last few days, my brain has been regurgitating my memories of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra like a past-its-prime Grand Slam Breakfast. I watched it while at home sick, and even now I still can’t let go of how impossibly stupid the movie was, especially when I was prepared to grade it on an incredible curve. I keep contemplating writing a post about it, to deconstruct it, to somehow help my traumatized brain process this wretched thing that happened to it. Why did Destro need someone to “weaponize” his own weapon? Why was Cobra Commander named Rex? Why didn’t any of these actors ask to be uncredited? Why did the make ice sink? Why did they have to give SnakeEyes those gigantic lips? Why, why, WHY?

But, let’s be honest. Everyone else is over it now. Those brain cells died of alcohol poisoning long ago. Which is why I was lucky to stumble upon The Celebrity Monster Cock Guide, brought to you by Lone Wolf Sullivan, right when I needed a mental colonic. Sorry pal, wrong place, wrong time.

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We were watching the Graham Norton Show, and Tom Jones was on. And any long conversation with Tom has to turn, eventually, to his Jones. But I was shocked that Mina had never taken in the legend of Tom Jones’s cock. Naturally I surged forth and googled it (to my surprise, Google didn’t perk up and offer it as an autofill) and I eventually probed the depths of the Net to find The Celebrity Monster Cock Guide. Now really, with a blog title like that, how do you walk away?

One of the things that I found strangely fascinating about living in LA, was the towering need of celebrities to allegedly slap their snakes to prove who was a mere python and who was a true anaconda. Of course, I had heard many of the stories about Milton Berle’s legendary swizzle stick (Just pull out enough to win!), and even some strange ones about one legendary dick demanding to prove his dick was bigger on the steps of the American Film Institute. So, I was prepared to stare down a tower of pulsating weirdness with a musty scent of hathos. I could not have had my expectations any wronger.

After unzipping the link, the column that flopped out on my screen slowly inched its way deeper into my mental list of the Worst Writing Ever. It’s not just the flaccid, humorless writing, it’s the absolutely rigid nature of the prose. If you imagine the fourth-grade book report for eight and half inches of paper: five paragraphs, five sentences per paragraph, only with less variety and less wit. First you start every paragraph with a declarative statement:

Troy Aikman: The American former quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys and TV sportscaster has a monster cock.

Gianni Agnelli: The Italian industrialist and main shareholder of Fiat had a cock over 10 inches long. 

Michael Alstott: The American former fullback in the NFL has a “beercan” cock, “long and thick”.

Albert of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha: The Prince Consort of Queen Victoria of England had a mammoth cock, “indeed stallion sized”.

Dana Andrews: The American actor had a notorious huge thick cock and always displays a prominent bulge in his films.

Lest you think I am unfairly probing the darker recesses of his blog, I will offer that I selected those five first sentences since they are the first five. Here, I shall now, at random give you entries 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42.

John Barrowman: The Scottish American actor, dancer and singer is very well endowed and uncut.

Milton Berle: Comedian “Uncle Miltie” aka “The King Cock of Hollywood” had a monster cock, which he said measured 13 1/2 inches long.

Corbin Bernsen: The American actor has a monster cock.

Barry Bostwick: The actor and singer has a thick 9 inch cock.

Charles II: The King of England from 1660 to 1685 had a very huge cock.

Taking all that in? Good. Now, let’s swing over to what makes this blog a true gem. Our hero then spurts out a bit of additional information, mostly likely chosen be what is the least relevant to his statement:

Dennis Cole: The American TV actor in the 60′s and 70′s, a masculine blond, has a 9 inch cock. Before acting he was a model for men’s physique magazines and now works in Real Estate in Florida. His roles for TV shows include “Felony Squad”, “Love Boat”, “Charlie’s Angels”, “Three’s Company”, and he played Lance Prentiss on “The Young and the Restless”.

If that shift of topic made you jump at first, don’t worry, as those get comfortable once you adjust. Wait until you see how he finishes his relatively well-researched turn on Liam Neeson:

Liam Neeson: The Irish actor is said to be hung like a horse, but shy about his cock. He is uncut. His former girlfriend Helen Mirren mentioned in an interview, “Now he is a big boy!” Janice Dickinson said when Liam Neeson unzipped his pants, “an Evian bottle fell out.” Dickinson has claimed that the 6’4″ Neeson has “the biggest penis of any man alive.” When Neeson rose nude from a lake while filming a scene in “Rob Roy” a crew member exclaimed, “Look at the rope on that laddie!’ Best known for playing Oskar Schindler in “Schlindler’s List” and Qui-Gon Jinn in “Star Wars: Phantom Menace”, he is a practicing Roman Catholic and family man.

Wipe that one from your lips, readers. While I could go on lifting more shockingly bad reviews based on less evidence than the Loch Ness Monster, I would like to let one entry surge to the fore:

Patrick Stewart: The English actor who plays the pompous captain in TV’s “Star Trek TNG” has an 8 inch uncut cock and used to hang out at gay bath houses in LA. Internet photos of him nude are not impressive, and are considered fake. He dropped out of school at age 15, but probably because of his pretentious acting roles is Chancellor of the University of Huddersfield in the U.K. His films include: “Dune”, “Excalibur”, “Robin Hood: Men in Tights”, 3 “X-Men” movies, and 4 “Star Trek” movies.

Seriously, why the hate on Stewart? If you write a whole blog about cocks, why are you getting mad at the one actor who, as a complete person, looks more like a giant cock than any other? (Sorry, I can’t let my Picard love afford to me to be favoritist and ignore his obviously phallic dome.)  

Somehow, after squeezing out a whopping 18,000 words, Lone Wolf Sullivan rebounds for seconds, listing off another mountain of celebrities who allegedly have huge cocks, but he has no proof. 

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.

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Really. Let that sink in. Just relax and let it happen. Somewhere, in 18,000 words not one of which is a citation worthy of the name, he feels he has proof to stiffen up the most ludicrous claims assembled, and and these guys, pardon the pun, come up short. After a Sunday paper worth of scuttlebutt and hearsay that aspires to be a rumor, now he draws the line. He will not admit that Sean Hannity’s right wang reaches the left wing without PROOF, goddamit. 

—

And with that, I encourage all of you, my dear readers, to reach behind yourself, press the little lever, and let the counterclockwise circulation wash the horrible away. 

The Facts of Poly Life – Picking Up Pieces

Today, in the car, Mina and I were talking, and she began with, “I guess I should tell you about Newguy.” This conversation always make me take a deep breath. Although we’ve talked about him before, the repeating of the topic tells me that things are starting to advance, to the stage where she is thinking about meeting him. And so I start to brace myself now, for winter shall be coming. (Get it?)

One of the differences between Mina and I is that I will have sex with people at a much lower emotional level than she will. It’s just how we are – I have to like someone, sure, and I want to enjoy being around them – I can’t have sex with someone I don’t respect as an intellectual peer. But Mina, in a way, need to have some sort of love for the person. Perhaps not the big, grand love that characterizes our relationship, but there is a degree of emotional investment that needs to be there. What that also means is that when things don’t work, she gets hurt. 

When Mina is hurt, it’s hard. One part is her desperate need to understand. She is positively brilliant when it comes to behavioral science, and the fact that she sees through almost every smokescreen people put up is one of my favorite things about her – there’s no point in bullshit with her. But, when you have engaged and truly connected with a person emotionally, and then they simply take themselves away, it’s nigh impossible to understand why they would do such a thing – and so her hurt never seems to go away.

Another challenge to it is her intelligence. With most people, I can toss out some chicken soup for the soul, a few affirmations of their goodness, and a modestly insightful dig at the offending party, and make them feel better. Mina sees through that, every time. You can’t magically make her forget what’s gone on, and there is no platitude she can’t brush off as fast as you can throw it on. And when she knows you are trying to make her feel better, she starts discounting what you say, because she knows your motivation, and that explains your behavior…you see how this goes.

The last thing, and this is the hard part, is that she has an enormous heart. The day we were married, I remember commenting on her enormous capacity for love, and seeing her friends nod (and several telling me afterward that that was the truest thing ever said about her). So when she has put herself out there, and gets hurt, she gets hurt big. 

The trick of the poly lifestyle is that you are always going through the ups and downs of dating. On one hand, it’s good to have a loving partner to come home to, and someone to be there for you, that you aren’t feeling simply alone. But, it also means that, as the other partner, I am the one caught picking up the pieces after someone else, over and over. It’s part of the price you pay, and maybe it is why I tend to keep my heart to myself more. (Whatever you think about Mina and pain, I am SO much worse to deal with.) 

—

The DomC breakup was bad. Really bad. There were moments in the relationship where I was, when I admit it, genuinely threatened by the intensity of attraction to him. In turn, when that relationship broke, the emotional cost was dear. Her pain was only acute in the moment when he finally found the strength to tell her what he wanted and she decided that was not good enough. But then it was months – months of her trying to figure out why he did this. How could he love her, like he said he did, like acted as though he did, and then reduce her only to “recreation?” It just didn’t make sense. Night after night she struggled with this. There are even a few posts here documenting it. There was a bone in her throat that she just could manage to swallow. 

All this time, DomC was gone. There was only one person in her life there to support, to help, to listen, and that was me. So, along with Mina, I had to pay the price for DomC’s abrupt heel turn, and what had I done? Even though I knew that she needed me, and I was all she had in this, my own patience was finite, and Mina is far too keen an observer to miss that, so instead she began to suffer in silence. I would see her grow quiet and stare off, lost in thought. For a while I asked what was on her mind, wondering if I had done something wrong, but it was always DomC, and hearing his name began to grate on me. So I stopped asking, and she stopped talking. In fucking her, beating her, and in loving her, DomC never hurt us. In leaving her, he finally created a ditch between us.

It was a couple weeks ago when I realize how deeply I resented DomC for creating the mess I had to clean up. Mina was talking about past lovers, and, as she started to talk about past lovers, but then paused when she got to him, and mentioned how that was the one perfect Dom. I lashed out with Malcolm Tucker-like fury, which surprised even me. To me, he was no different than any other asshole, he just created a more spectacular mess for me to clean up. Mina shut down in shock. For both of us, it was the first time we realized how loud the emotional reverberations would really be. 

For my part, I was ashamed. I felt like the guy who complains about his cancer-sticken mother needing extra care. The secondary pain never merits comparison to the primary pain. But there it was, my unbidden acidic words curdling the air. We moved on eventually, but both of us aware that there were still things to deal with.

—

Mina’s made a lot of effort to move on from DomC, and I sense that she avoids mentioning him to me now. She has finally recovered enough to dip her toes in the water again, but I can’t help that feeling of fuck, here we go again. And that shouldn’t be her problem or Newguy’s problem. All it should be is a fact of life. If an advantage of poly is having someone to be there for you, then sometimes you have to be that person. And you can’t resent that, not if you want to be the Person You’re Supposed To Be, and the person you wife tells everyone you are. It’s not always easy, but it’s important. 

So, for those wondering what some of the downsides of poly are – there you go. Cleaning up someone else’s emotional mess. That sucks, like a tornado. 

Still worth it, though.

PSA: So, you’re a secret

*The following post is based on my experiences and the experiences of those close to me. It is my opinion and unsolicited advice. Maybe it will help you, maybe it won’t. This is not, I repeat, NOT, a post condoning or condemning those choosing to be non-monogamous without their partner’s consent. It makes no difference to me how you live your life.*

So, you’re a secret, what now? The following post is to help those who find themselves in, or are considering being in, an emotional relationship with someone who is non-monogamous without their partner’s consent. Essentially YOU are the “dirty little secret”. Here are some things to consider in no particular order. 

• Time Limitations: Since the person you are getting involved with, is hiding you from their partner, your time with them will be limited. Naturally, physically seeing each other will be greatly limited. With the advancement of technology these days, most people keep in contact digitally in one way or another. Emails, text messages, messaging systems, Skype, twitter, blogs, dating sites, phone calls, the list goes on. But even this form of communication can be limited. Get ready to have a relationship that is constricted within working hours. You won’t be able to communicate much once working hours are over. The person you are seeing will be home, most likely with their partner and possibly children. Calling them will be strictly off limits. Should you need them, I’m afraid you could be shit out of luck. Sure, you can send a message in a secure way that won’t get your partner busted, but who knows if they can reply. Holidays usually means your partner will disappear. Getting involved with someone who is not openly non-monogamous can have it’s very low and lonely moments. Be prepared. 
• Physical Restrictions: Meeting in person for a sexual rendez-vous will be challenging on it’s own. Keep in mind that when you do meet, you need to be careful. You’ll often have to find an out of the way place to not be noticed by someone who will recognize you. Or, your encounters will have to remain behind closed doors, either your own or a hotel. Quite often, unless you go out of town, going out on a “date” will be impossible. Keep in mind you also have to be careful with each other physically. Rough sex that will leave lasting marks should be avoided. Marking up your partner will surely get them in trouble by their partner. Some are able to talk their ways out of a potentially bad situation, but why take the risk? Avoid perfumes/colognes/scented lotions as their scents will last. Also, keep in mind that when using condoms for safe sex, and I do hope the sex you are having is safe, if it is a latex condom, this will leave a scent behind as well. Sometimes, a freshly showered person returning home raises suspicion as well. 
• Guilt: Sometimes the person you get involved with suddenly realizes, they just can’t go through with it. Or, that they can’t go on. This will usually end things right away. Be prepared to be dropped on a dime. Also be prepared for them to come running back when they realize they don’t want to give you up just yet. Be careful, for yoyo behavior with your emotions. 
• Poof! They’re Gone: As I mentioned above, technology has brought around many ways to keep in touch. Sometimes, people aren’t always careful with their secrets. Sometimes, their partner’s find out what’s been going on behind their backs by seeing something laying around, message alert on a phone or perhaps a browser still open on a laptop. When this happens, usually the person needs to hit delete on everything. Dating profiles, twitter account, websites, messaging accounts, POOF! gone. Suddenly, you are left alone not knowing what’s going on, but anticipating the worst has happened. You may here from them the next day, a week later, or maybe never again. 
• FUCK!: Your partner’s partner finds out. Many things can happen here. Best case scenario, your partner lets you know and communication ends. Maybe you’ll see each other again when the shit storm calms or maybe you will have to spilt for good. Worst case scenario, your partner’s partner hunts you down and creates drama. You can’t blame them for being angry with you, though it’s really not your fault their partner got involved with you in the first place. Unfortunately, people who are hurt and angry just want to attack someone and it is often not the person they are coupled with. Most people will be quick to blame the person their partner is sleeping with than their partner. That is usually the initial response. Be prepared to be potentially harassed and pulled into some drama. 
• Keep It To Yourself: I know you’re happy, but you have to keep it bottled up. No rejoicing to friends and family that you are happy and have met someone. It is essential you keep it private. Maybe you met your parter through social medium? You’ll often still have to keep your mouth shut. It’s hard being happy and having to be private about it.
• Tears Tears and More Tears: This part may apply more to the women than the men. Be prepared for tears and lots of them. When you get emotionally involved with someone who will never be yours, it can only end in heartache. And it will end. Hopefully, you and your partner will end as friends. However, chances are you will end on sad terms. Your partner will either decide to go back to their partner and stop being non-monogamous for awhile, or there will be some huge dramatic fall out. Maybe you will decide you simply need a better partner and you will leave them for someone more deserving, either way… there will be tears… lots of them. 

So there you have it, my little PSA on what it means to be someone’s “dirty little secret”. I have seen a lot of people get emotionally wrecked by getting involved with non-monogamous people who are not openly so with their partners. This is not to say, that any of the above can’t happen with anyone else. In fact, some of the above can happen with you and not them. Such as guilt. You yourself, could be the one who suddenly experiences guilt. 

In any case, I hope this post has shed some prospective and I welcome all comments and additions of anything I may have missed.

© At Longings End  

Monday Moanings – fishnets

Welcome to this week’s #MondayMoanings. I created Monday Moanings for this blog, as a way to make everyone’s Monday a little brighter and hopefully get the new work week off to a better start for everybody!

 fishnets

This week’s Monday Moanings is a request from a twitter follower. He wanted to see me in some fishnet stockings and nothing more. So I thought I would indulge said follower. I hope you all enjoy me in my fishnets as I am sure he will. *smiles*

click for more

Have a request? Let me know. If I like it, it may appear in an upcoming Monday Moanings post. Till next time, have a great week!

xo mina

© At Longings End 

Missed out on past #MondayMoanings? See them here. 

Rather skip straight to the gallery? Find that here. 

metamorphosis of my submission

The truth is, for as long as I live, the metamorphosis of my submission will never end. Within my life, I am always growing and changing. My needs will grow and change with me. I am not the same person I was just 3 years ago. Life is full of growth and rebirth. 

D/s will always be a part of my life, but how it will be a part of my life is changing lately. Since 2006, when I really began to embrace my submissive needs, I have wanted simply to be in a D/s relationship. To have a dominant in my life and I be their submissive and we have a close connection and relationship commitment. I was not interested in play partners, I wanted the full connection and power of a relationship. When I met my husband, we gave D/s a try, in the end, he discovered it just wasn’t for him. So, with his permission, I went out to seek the right dominant for me. One who would respect my marriage to my husband, but still be able to provide me with his dominance. 

I tried a few online D/s relationships, but those seemed to always fade quickly. I always thought it was because the connection just wasn’t there. In 2011, I finally met my perfect match, in MasterC and I went on my most incredible D/s journey with him. He would be my first real, in person D/s relationship, outside of the one my husband and I tried. Sadly, our time together was short. 

Getting over MasterC has been a difficult journey, and I can now say with bittersweetness, I am over him. My getting over him has also changed my submission today. 

There are many facets to D/s. There are those in strict 24/7 protocol, and others who get together from time to time to be playmates and all the facets in between and outside. I wanted two relationships in my life, my husband and my dominant. Now, I am not so sure that can work how I imagined it. It worked for C and I, but perhaps, we were simply a perfect fit. A once in a life time opportunity and we were fortunate enough to meet. 

Lately, I find that I am not very submissive, well, not in the way that I think I should be. I love submission, I love being able to submit, but my mind isn’t always focused on it. I’m not this big puddle of submission, frothing at the bit, waiting for my next task. Thinking of nothing but submitting to “him”. Is this a me problem? Am I simply not submissive enough? Or perhaps it’s because I can’t be, because being married means I can’t give myself completely? OR is it simply because I have to have THE perfect connection for all those things to fall in place? I do believe the answer is… all of the above. I think that if all things align, I CAN find the perfect balance to my submission and my life. 

I am finding at this point in time, I am not interested in a strict, protocol based D/s relationship. It’s just not what I fancy at this moment. I am more interested in connecting with someone (or several someones) and just having a loose ended type relationship. One in which we both have fun, there is no strict protocol, but we still build trust and connection with each other. I would like this type of person to also be a real life play partner from time to time. 

I am still submissive in my own way. I still hold the desire to play, submit, serve. My masochistic and pain slut sides, still desire release. They prefer release be at the hands of another instead of my own hands, but I do what I can to feed my desires and needs. 

They say things/people come into your life when you need them the most. Well, it seems that lately, life has thrown a lot of wonderful people my way, both who are part of the D/s world and not. There is this new rush of energy beaming within me. I feel like a kid in a candy store with all these delicious delights and the ability to put them all in my variety bag. So, I guess this is me saying, that I feel like a single submissive woman again, and I’m not ready to settle down, because I really don’t know what I want anymore. 

What I do know is, I rather fancy a few people at the moment and I’d just like to have fun. When the right person comes along (or one of them reveals to be the right person), and I am ready, I’ll know if I ever want to “settle down” and dedicate myself to one Dom again. Perhaps he is out there? Maybe he isn’t. Maybe he is right in front of my nose and it will take time to embrace him? 

I’m just saying that, this girl, is not interested in contracts and commitments at this point of time. Let’s have fun! Let’s explore. Let’s see where life takes us. Who knows what waits for us down the road? You might just be able to collar, rein and saddle this spirited filly after all.

© At Longings End  

Monday Moanings – Audio, Picture to words

Welcome to this week’s #MondayMoanings. I created Monday Moanings for this blog, as a way to make everyone’s Monday a little brighter and hopefully get the new work week off to a better start for everybody!

 Picture to words 

Admittedly, this week’s Monday Moanings is for the ladies, however, I do believe the men will enjoy it as well. Another audio file of me reading a piece of erotica I wrote ages ago. It was inspired by a picture I saw. If you would like to read along, you can find the original post here. 

Click here for the audio file. Remember to be a little patient as it sometimes takes a few seconds to load. 

Enjoy your week. I do hope you enjoyed my little erotic read. 

xo mina

© At Longings End 

Missed out on past #MondayMoanings? Find those here! 

Dominants and submissives

Since taking a step back to breathe and reevaluate my involvement in D/s, it has giving me a lot of time to think, listen, observe and reflect. The pressures have been lifted off my shoulders. I can simply just be myself and reflect on my journey thus far. 

It would be nice if there were any sense of consistency in the world of D/s and by this I mean, simply that Dominants and submissives all follow the same guidelines and all behave the same. But, that would be fucking boring. The truth is… and listen up boys and girls, there are many different types of dominants and submissives out there. Yeah you heard me, we’re all different. There is no right way of doing things. You are not wrong for doing your D/s differently than that guy. Did you hear me? Because this seems to be a concept that many people cannot accept. Even I, in my earlier D/s beginnings, held a certain standard as THE truth, but now I have learned that was ridiculous and unfair of me. 

I can only express my opinions based on what I have observed and experienced. 

Women are all different. Submissive women are all different. A lot of us can be placed into categories, but in the end our individuality still separates us from most. There are all kinds of submissives out there, all with different needs, requirements and priorities. Some only wish to engage in D/s in the bedroom or at a dungeon with a trusting partner. Others want the full experience, the lifestyle if you will. Going beyond just playing from time to time and actually being in a relationship and bringing D/s to other aspects of their day. Others still have a mix of both worlds, not exactly making D/s a LIFEstyle, but going beyond just having playmates. Some submissives love pain and derive pleasure from it. Others, don’t find pleasure in pain at all. Though deriving pleasure from pain seems to be a very common aspect in D/s and is a huge aspect of it for the majority, it is not the only right way to do things. 

In general, I have found two different kinds of submissive women. There are the overall, very independent and strong minded submissive women, who enjoy submission as an escape. They enjoy letting go of being in control and having someone else tell them what to do. They take great pleasure in knowing that they can very well take care of themselves, but they love giving themselves to another. They crave the dynamic of kneeling in front of another, both mind and body and even soul. 

Then there are the other women who are not so independent and not as strong minded. They not only enjoy the care that D/s can provide them, they relish in it. These are the women that really enjoy being cared for by D/s. They need that security, guidance and discipline their dominant will give them. Please don’t take this as a negative, because it is not meant to be one, but these women are more fragile, in a sweet way, and they want to be sheltered by their dominant, because they really would rather not be independent. 

Of course there are a slew of women who land in between these two categories. 

Now, with every type of submissive, comes a type of dominant. Submissives, not all dominants are the same. I’m sure you’ve noticed this. There are dominants that get the thrill from encountering the strong, independent submissive. They LOVE that she is her own woman, but chooses to submit. He loves being able to control a strong force of nature simply because she wishes it. They enjoy the challenge that comes with that. A lot of dominants like being able to not have to control every aspect of their submissive’s life. They also love the challenge it is to capture and bring down such a strong mind. 

Then there are the other dominants. These are the one’s that fit the other style of submissive women. These men, LOVE taking care of a woman. They love being everything to her. They want to guide her, control her and treat her like a little princess. I think a lot of age play D/s comes from this or even pet play (Though don’t get me wrong, I know there are a LOT of strong women who enjoy being the baby girl. I know I did). These dominants also feel very protective of their submissives. They go above and beyond, feeling like her security is a huge priority and she must be protected from the world because she is so fragile. This can often be perceived by people, like me, as “possessiveness”, but to these dominants, they view it more as “protectiveness”. Who am I to argue? As long as the dominant and the submissive are happy, that is all that matters. 

Yes, there is a whole world of dominants that land in between and to the extremes. Some are just in it for pure control, humiliation and degradation. Hopping from one submissive to the next, treating her like a piece of meat. And you know what? There are submissive who love being treated this way too. Not looking for more than merely treated like insignificant space. Hey, it’s not my kink, but that doesn’t make it terrible. Whatever makes you happy. 

For me, I view myself as a strong and independent woman. I found freedom in submission. It provides me a space where I can just let go of the world and explore the dark corners of my mind away from judgment. However, I also have my moments where I just want to be cared for. I am not one thing. I am not only a pet, submissive, slave, princess or baby girl. I can be a pet to one dominant and then the next, I am his baby girl. What I mean to say here is, I do not allow myself to define what I am as a submissive. That puts too many limits. I let the chemistry dictate things. It’s been a long time since I met someone who made me feel like a baby girl, but it has happened. With my ex Master, I was his slave. For others, I am simply a submissive. 

The world of D/s is large. The types of dominants and submissives even larger. There is no TRUE way of doing it. Just because I don’t submit to the things you enjoy as a dominant, does not make me any less of a submissive. It just means we are not compatible. Our priorities, needs and desires differ. Just because your domination style does not appeal to me, doesn’t mean you are not a dominant. Again, we just have different opinions, needs and styles. 

So before you turn your nose up to someone in judgment of how they submit or dominate, just stop. Sure, we should all voice our opinions about how we do things differently with one another. We can all gain to learn about ourselves. There are ways of doings this without belittling each other. We’re all different. There is someone out there for all of us. If we were all the same… well then… things would get pretty boring, pretty fast. D/s would be even more complicated, if we could only fit it all into one little box. 

© At Longings End 

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It’s a weird feeling really. Sure, I’ve waved my mental fist in the air several times in my past at D/s. I’ve gotten angry and frustrated in my search to find a Dominant. I’ve left the search, taking a small break, only to come back more hungry and more hopeful than before. Always I held onto that hope that I simply have not found the right person yet and oh yes, he is out there. It’s just going to take time. 

This time, it’s different. This feels different. 

One day I was happily skipping through the field of D/s and the next, pure distaste for it. I really can’t explain it. It’s not like somebody came into my life and did such horrible things to me mentally and/or physically, that I’ve gone running away from D/s. One day I am happy with my submission, the next, disconnected from it. 

I feel like there has been a switch inside me and the connection just snapped. I suddenly have no desire to be involved in D/s. This feels very weird to say. 

However, I will say that I suddenly feel more…. free. I’m feeling happier these days. Most likely because I am no longer searching for something. I’m no longer this submissive on the search to find her Dominant. No more disappointments. No more frustrations. I can just focus on other areas of my life. It feels good really, not to be wrapped up in a lifestyle or a concept. 

Here’s another surprising result to my sudden distaste for D/s. I’m suddenly over my ex MasterC. So maybe this isn’t so surprising. I suppose it makes sense sine the one thing that brought us together was D/s. Suddenly, I am feeling no more heartache. I can think about him and not feel sadness. I feel like that part of my life is over now. It’s done. It’s finished. I can move on now. I used to tell him, my D/s journey would die with his departure because I never thought it possible to submit to another. Perhaps, this has finally come true. 

Or perhaps, my mind has finally collapsed? Perhaps my subconscious has finally done what is necessary for me to truly move on from C and my experiences with him? I know I can’t truly move on with any one else if I am still holding onto him. This is a good change. A much needed change. 

Do I honestly think I’ll never return to D/s? No. I’m sure I’ll come back to parts of it. There are many D/s activities I don’t wish to say good bye too. It’s the lifestyle I’ll probably never go back to though. Yes, there is a difference between engaging in D/s activities and living a D/s lifestyle. My husband sometimes dominates me in the bedroom. My husband still lifts a hand to my backside. He, however is not my dominant and I am not his submissive. I’m not sure I’ll ever have a formal D/s relationship with anyone ever again. Though, in truth, I’d be lying if I didn’t say there is a dark corner in my heart almost wishing someone will show me the way back. 

There are no answers right now. I just have to let time take its course. I feel the change in me and the metamorphosis happening. Who knows who’ll I’ll be once the change takes place. I welcome up with open mind, body and spirit. 

© At Longings End 

Monday Moanings – Leather

Welcome to this week’s #MondayMoanings. I created Monday Moanings for this blog, as a way to make everyone’s Monday a little brighter and hopefully get the new work week off to a better start for everybody!

 Leather

 

I love leather. I love the touch of it. I love the way it feels on my skin. I love the sound of it. I especially love the way it smells. Every time I wear my leather jacket, I can’t help but take in it’s scent and feel just a little bit sexier. 

 

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Mmm leather… don’t you agree? How do you like them apples? Have a wonderful week and see you next Monday! 

xo mina

© At Longings End 

Missed out on past #MondayMoanings? See those here. 

Rather skip straight to the gallery? Find that here.